Tristan, I know this is all a struggle, but I agree with the others who've said this is a good thing, the way your W is reacting. Frankly, due to the mental health issues involved, I would be a LOT more worried if she had broken down and said, oh, I was so bad, just let me come home....and just came flying back in the door thinking all is well.
I think her behavior shows how seriously she is taking this, and that she DOESN'T want to simply "react" to her feelings. I think it shows a lot of growth and hope. Don't forget Tristan, while you're dealing with the fallout of her bipolar sitch, etc, she is the one living it. That's a heavy burden I would imagine. I have to look back at my own sitch and it's a sickening feeling to see how out of control parts of it were.
This is in no way meant to discount your feelings and your suffering through what she's done..and I think the reason your IC keeps mentioning anger that haven't felt yet, is because he knows you will at some point. This I also relate to...when my H finally started to come around and the tension level decreased at home, and it began to feel "safe" then my anger bloomed up big time. It's tough. Because he's trying, and he has issues, and, and, and....and well, what about me?? Does this mean he gets a free pass? That's how it feels. So at least you have someone to help you get through those feelings so you don't torpedo the ship later.
Anyway, one step at a time. I just wrote this so you could take courage and hope from what's happening. Hang in there.
Journaling: W is headed to Phoenix for the weekend to visit cousin and see Grand Canyon for first time. I have the girls and trying to figure out what our plans should be for the weekend. I have some work to do around the house, but would also like to do something unique with them. Went over to W place to swap cars for the weekend last night.
She cooked me some dinner. I played with the girls for a little bit and then helped put them to bed. W and I sat down with a glass of wine and talked for a bit afterward. She said she is starting to understand her mood cycles, but can't control them. Before she said she had no idea where her mood was going. I told her that understanding them is good and she should see the psych and describe them to him.
We talked more about MC and agreed on one to try. I am going to make the appointment today, she is busy getting ready to go on her trip. Things are going well between us. The kiss when I left last night was passionate.
W: "It does feel like we are dating." M: "That's a good thing, right?" W: "Yes it is. Have a goodnight sweetheart." M: "Goodnight."
Although, I did not want to get here. I should be thankful for what I have. I have the opportunity to date my W all over again. Her birthday is next weekend, what should I do? I am thinking the theatre.
Anyway, one step at a time. I just wrote this so you could take courage and hope from what's happening. Hang in there.
Thank you breakaway. I am much better with her e-mail today. It just felt a little rejected at first. After it sunk in, I realize that it was not that at all.
May I suggest a comedy? Otherwise you may both read into a drama if it relates to M or R's.....laughter is a wonderful bonding experience.
Or a drama that just doesn't go near where you two are. Make sense? And also, if one of her love languages is "gifts" get something tangible too. Doesn't have to be a biggie but one b-day H got me tickets to a show but I recall, (hey, I was younger then!) thinking "what about a GIFT?" Silly now but a lot of women like a "thing" to wear or know they got even though the dang shows cost more. Just a thought. Do you know your w's love languages? If you have no idea what I'm referring to, I highly suggest you read "The Five Love Languages" by Chapman.
A real eye opener for me.
Take care, we're all rooting for you and I agree with what Breakway & Puppy said. It'd be a lot scarier if she were rushing this. But of course it makes you wonder about her commitment. In reality, it probably reflects MORE commitment on her end, to take it slowly. She's not brushing off what the heck happened here, you know?
J-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Thank you for the advice. Not much in town for theatre, so I went with the orchestra. It has been quite some time since we have been there and we have a really good orchestra in town.
As for the gift, I think I did well. My W just got her ears pierced a couple of months ago. I believe a few posts back I spoke of the significance of turtles. She has a silver turtle pendant that I rarely see her go without. I found a pair of earrings that I believe match it very well. Hope she likes them.
We have a MC session set up for the 15th. He is very experienced. A clinical professor at one of the local med schools and is trained in Gestalt. My IC says that may be good for us; has anyone tried it?
I think I need to detach more, but can we it be done while "dating"? W is in Arizona this weekend and I miss her.
I plan taking the girls to a pumpkin festival tonight with a group of single parents. However, since my W and I have started getting back together, I haven't done a whole lot for myself with my time away the girls. In fact I have often found myself with them and W during that time, which I enjoy, but I also think it is sliding me back to the same emotional spot where I was before the seperation, which was not healthy.
Tristan so far things are going good with you so the only additional advice I will give you is this, now that you've paved the way to a situation where you two are seeing each other again and spending time together, time apart is a good thing. Give her the gift of missing you, you don't have to see each other everyday, it's actually a good thing, time apart does make the heart grow fonder. If you start complaining verbally or more importantly through body language that you want to spend more time together and you don't spend enough time together and you don't like that she spends time at her place when you want her to stay over, it will appear clingy & needy, it will flick switches inside of her that kill attraction between the two of you and that would kill the progress you've made thus far.
Give her the gift of missing you, continue with getting a life and spending time on yourself for yourself, it's healthy, gives you space that you need as you can tell it might feel like you're spending too much time together and your expectations are increasing when this is a time a of no pressure & no expectations.
Start enjoying your life, you deserve it, trust me, give her some space, get a life, spend time on yourself, show her & yourself that you have a life other than trying to fix this marriage, it's attractive to her and it's important for your self-esteem.
This woman's opinion: a guy that knows stuff I don't know, who's interested and passionate about things that resonate with HIM, not just things that might impress ME ... THAT man is very attractive to me. You don't have to go overboard with the time spent, IMHO, because obviously that can be a problem too when you have committed to a family. But spend what time you do have wisely, and tap into some passion (I don't mean sexual, just life passion) that doesn't depend on your wife and kids.
"Show me a completely smooth operation and I'll show you someone who's covering mistakes. Real boats rock." -- Frank Herbert
So we didn't go to the pumpkin festival because D5 wanted to go for a bike ride instead. The trees are starting to turn and there is a nice trail down through the river valley here, so I thought good idea. Well, I should have thought about it a little more. D5 just started to ride a two-wheeler about a month ago. D3 has a bike with training wheels. The trail is an old canal tow path that has been paved. Keeping track of those 2 with water and big drops on either side of the trail with some hills became quite nerve racking. However, they handled it just fine. It was a good day.
