I also now my current mood is my usual pattern. About every 4-6 weeks I get fatigued with trying to run a business, take care of house and kids, and focus on myself. Then I blow up...so this weekend my focus is to keep from blowing up and starting a relationship discussion.
That sounds like me. I had a similar pattern and it got so common my H was expecting the blow ups... I have read about MLC but dont know much about it. I dont know if my H was in MLC (deaths, sicknesses, moves etc etc were all there and could have triggered that but...) and the A was a result or it was just the A that messed up his mind... I will never know
I know it is hard. Try to keep yourself "safe", mentally mostly (and physically of course). Stay strong K
Thanks K....I have read your story and you have done wonderful considering. It is hard to find the right balance in all of this. So at the moment I am focusing on fatiguing my body through a vigorous workout...lol. Shouldn't be doing because I am working out to hard, but the rush feels to good to pass up.
LOL...I read a lot of them over time. I have actually read a lot of the posts on here. I am a very compassionate and curious person. I hate to see people hurting...even when it is of there own doing. Yours really caught my eyes because of the waffling your husband did.
I hear that one...Somedays I wish I could go back a1.5 years and take her up on her offer to move out. I think things would be different at this point one way or the other. What gets me sometimes is how much the children and I have changed....it has been a very bright spot in a dark cloud. Or maybe I should change my mentality...things are bright with one little dark spot. Hmmmm.....I will have to think about that!
I hear you, if it wasnt for stxH (and my dad's cancer, my boring job, my weight, the ocean etc etc), things wouuld be perfect in my life!!! LOLOL!!!! No person should be able to control our life. K
Need to leave my office, the weekend starts here and on Sunday we have elections... Ohhh and Ali (DB friend from UK) is staying with me tonight!! See you around later- SMILE!!
It turns out guy friend was in a pissy mood then kicked her out because he didn't want me to get mad again
Again? More to that story that I didn't see posted there.
Lost I really like the way you think and handle this.
I have to admit that there was a bunch to read and process and during it, points I wanted to make were overwritten by other points.
Several that stick out.
Boundaries. Only make them if you can enforce them. If you cannot or will not enforce them you are a paper tiger.
You go out alot for being financially tight...example movies with kids. Netflix is cheaper.
Of course your friends are going to think she is a douchebag, stop talking to them about her.
We do live in a "Me" society. Everyone is entitled and no one is responsible. : )
I like the way you are handling this and yourself even with the limitations you find yourself under.
Keep up on the self improvements.
I am guessing that you have no nearby family to help with the kids...there are support groups in almost all neighborhoods, you put in to get out. Might look into something like that.
You want her out...help her out. I am not saying give up, I am saying let her choke on the space she wants.
Most telling to me about this likely being MLC...and I am not a professioanl...is that you posted that she wasn't sure she wanted a divorce...recently, she just wanted some space and time.
I'll be able to keep more current with your posts now, just want you to know it seems like you are doing a good job.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
I totally agree that boundaries need to be set and enforced. There a lot of things she does do that made many boundaries easy. She hasn't brought any of her relationships into the house other than the first one. I think the only reason for that was there had been a friendship between the GF, myself, and all of our kids prior to the crud hitting the fan. She also doesn't spend house money on her forays...she's just using money she earns from a part time gig she has from home. Luckily for me a lot of the horrible things I have witnessed on the board have never happened here.
The going out is for me. Financially irresponsible...yes! I do agree. I just feel trapped a lot. I work my two business from the house and of course I am here when the kids are. I do get out for work every know and then and of course there are the kids activities, but those aren't nice relaxing times for me. So I take the kids and try to get out and do something...that all three of us can do. It is a tough one for me....one I usually feel guilty about making. At times though it feels like the walls are closing on me and suffocating me...usually I relieve that by working out. It is an action I will have to monitor.
You are correct that there isn't any family nearby. I have developed some good family friendship which has been a godsend. To actually take that a step farther I have signed up to help my daughters teacher throughout the school....I am nervous about it, but hopefully I can make some new friends and at the same time be a positive impact on my daughter's school year.
Today is a busy day for. I also had a bad nights sleep (wife was tossing and turning and on top of that...300 situps yesterday threw my back into spasms last night...ouch). So I was up at five and worked for a few hours. From there made a big breakfast for everybody and then off to the soccer fields (the team I coach won...yippee) for this mornings game. Shortly I am off to the grocery store to get that part of the day done...one thing I will say...being basically a single parent is tough. My hats goes off to all the parents who do it for 15-20 years!
Also had a good day as of recent with the business...Landed a job yesterday and also discussed the potential of a few more with a couple of clients. The jobs still aren't in the basket, but at least there is discussion about the possibility of some.
The wife was mellow this morning. Her ex-gf is trying to help her find an apartment. Of course the ex-gf doesn't hear my wife's repeated statements that she doesn't have any money. The ex-gf is basically enabling my wifes thoughts that all her problems are here in the house and that she needs to run away and restart her live. I really hope the ex-gf is there for my wife when she realizes what she has given up. I know that realization will happen, it is just a matter of when and if I decide to stay around that long.
Have a great day...I will catch up with you later!
