So my C starts this coming Tuesday. I'm not really sure what I am going to say. But at least the C has already talked to my W and me together and knows the situation. And since she is talking to my girls, this really allows me to focus on me. And after all... in order for me to be the great guy that I have fallen so far away from, what better angle than to start with the greatness of the kevbo, or more like the deficiencies of myself that need to be cleaned up.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Don't plan out what you'll say or rehearse it. Gets you nowhere fast and simply validates what you want to believe. Let their questions generate a natural flow and discover what you need to discover.
If you have pressing issues that cause you anxiety then bring them up. Share feedback you've gotten from others if it hit a nerve.
If the c is good, their questions will provoke thought and reflection & growth, which means change, if you let it. There is no growth without change. Stop resisting change.
j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Well, at least now maybe we can cut back on the "Kevin has to be the most stubborn man I have ever met" hopefully.
lol,
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
So I have tonight, tomorrow night, all day Saturday, and most of Sunday without my kids. I didn't get much time with them last night since I had to work late.
This would be a good time for me to work on...
hmm...
still thinking...
Ok. I am at a loss. I could learn how to make sushi at home. That would be interesting.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Either that or maybe you can get some meditation materials and start meditating. Get some nice music, some incense or whatever and just stop thinking for a change.
Get yourself centered. Get yourself enjoying you. You don't need any place and any one else to do it.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Well, at least now maybe we can cut back on the "Kevin has to be the most stubborn man I have ever met" hopefully.
lol,
Kevin
Not sure what you mean. As far as I can tell, you are just saying what you said before; i.e., that you're going to work on you and get c. But you haven't done it yet. Now your plan is that in the future, every other week, you'll talk to a c for 30 minutes about...well you're not sure what you'll discuss --but we'll assume it'll at least touch on your issues....so I guess my point is when you actually do go, and then actually do what the c suggests, and when there are actual changes that you make in your behavior and thought patterns, and when you stick with them, we'll ALL be glad for you. Til then, I'm just seeing more talk about a relatively small amount of self work that might happen in the future. And I've heard it before. Remember?
Look, just learn to Bring something to the table for a woman/wife. Not your needs and professions of love. THAT IS NOT ENOUGH...if it were, she'd be back.
I don't mean to brag but to give a concrete example of what I mean--My h is an interesting man with numerous hobbies, who is well informed and knows tons of history and art as well as being very proficient & respected in his field. By nature, he is an optimistic man with a lot of energy. He plays sports, has hobbies that include scuba diving and does outdoors things a lot. He speaks two other languages. He is also well read and interested in a lot of things and wants to take a class in my fav passions just so he can better relate to what I'm doing. He is smart, and funny and very active. He has a quiet confidence and strength I find attractive. If I were not around, he'd have nearly just as much going on in his life.
When I read your posts I just get the feeling you are waiting for your life to happen, (mainly via your w.) That's not a life. And it's not working to get her back. And it isn't attractive. It's empty.
Fill your life, live your life.
Also, again You skipped over the real question in my last post. What do you not understand or agree with, about Detachment? It's indisputably what you have to do.
j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
So I have tonight, tomorrow night, all day Saturday, and most of Sunday without my kids. I didn't get much time with them last night since I had to work late.
This would be a good time for me to work on...YOU
hmm...GAL
still thinking...DETACHMENT-NEW HOBBY-CLASS IN SOMETHING-SMALL TRIP-100 OTHER IDEAS COME TO MIND...none of which have to do with your stbxw.
Ok. I am at a loss. I could learn how to make sushi at home. That would be interesting. ARE YOU KIDDING?? No, you're serious b/c you didn't insert your "lol". You are not listening...
Kevin
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
