I don't beleive that Dan will go through this process without legal representation..if he does then he is stupid..and dan is a very smart manipulative guy..he's proven that time and time again..
I also don't beleive dan will just give you what you want..it matters not what you guys write down on paper now..until he signs an official paper/document...he can promise you the moon..
I call bullchitt on Dan...
In the words of "The Rock"
"Can you smell it??" "Can you smell what Dan is cookin?"
beleive half of what you see and nothing that he says..
So do you think he is stalling while he 'lawyers up'?? I was just trying to get this done now while he agrees to the things we talked about. Looks like I will have to force the issue.
Maybe lying is the wrong word. Maybe I mean posturing. Pretending. Pretending to be magnanimous. Pretending to give you both up, waiting to see who comes back to fight for him. And hoping to keep the status quo forever. But not meaning to move on in any direction.
I think Dan is a liar and a manipulator. I do not beleive anyhting that he says to you. I think he will continue on as he has been.
Nobody with any common sense at all would go through a divorce with no lawyer..especially a businessman...a cattle farmer...yeah right...
so do you really think that if you said you wanted the farm that he would just sign it over??
I beleive in a fair and eqitable settlement for both parties..but for him to say..I'm gonna do this with no representation..well..i don't believe him..
You are right. He is a very, very smart man. Even if he makes stupid stupid choices.
No I don't think for a second he would give me the farm, but a)The farm doesn't belong to him, it belongs to his parents, so he couldn't anyway
MORE IMPORTANTLY b)This smart, manipulative man has known me since I was around 12 and been with me since I was 16. More than half my life at this point. He KNOWS me. You guys have known me for almost 2 years and already I am sure you know I wouldn't ask for the farm. I would ask for what is fair and right in my eyes. I am not going to take his expensive tools, farm equipment, etc. because I would have no clue what to do with them. And I am not the 'spiteful, take it to piss him off' type, either. If you guys know that, then you know HE does too.
I just want *My time with my kids *My house *Primary physical custody which is a given with his work schedule *The bulk of the household furniture *My vehicle *Monthly support equal to what I get now (although he is offering $1000 more a month than I get now and I agreed) *A nice pile of cash up-front to offset the cattle stuff and his 401K. He can sell whatever he wants or take out a loan, I don't care which. I don't want the stuff, I want the financial security.
Maybe lying is the wrong word. Maybe I mean posturing. Pretending. Pretending to be magnanimous. Pretending to give you both up, waiting to see who comes back to fight for him. And hoping to keep the status quo forever. But not meaning to move on in any direction.
Well then he thinks he is talking to Old BBJ. This BBJ has not said a word about fighting for him in the 8 days since he sent the email. We met once and I was the one leading the conversation and writing up how we are dividing everything, and I also served him the same day I got the email. No fighting, begging, pleading. Done with that.
He 'knows' you, right? No....he knows the old you BBJ. He knows the girl, not the strong, independent, self-sufficient woman. Too bad for him, because I think she's pretty fantastic!
He probably does think he's talking to 'Old BBJ' because he hasn't seen enough of the new BBJ yet. He'll realize at some point that you are not buying his line of BS any longer then you better watch out. I sense that is when 'Mean Dan' will show up again.
Get the sheriff to serve him. Do it now.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
I think Dan is a liar and a manipulator. I do not beleive anyhting that he says to you. I think he will continue on as he has been.
Nobody with any common sense at all would go through a divorce with no lawyer..especially a businessman...a cattle farmer...yeah right...
so do you really think that if you said you wanted the farm that he would just sign it over??
I beleive in a fair and eqitable settlement for both parties..but for him to say..I'm gonna do this with no representation..well..i don't believe him..
My XH has no common sense. He didn't have a lawyer representing him, he just used the free divorce clinics the county offers.
Like BBJ, I think he "knew" that I wouldn't get outlandish and things are pretty cut-and-dried in California if your marriage lasted less than 10 years, which ours did. However, my attorney did write in some language that he didn't catch that cost him about $2k, property tax money we had been disagreeing over for months. I just shut up and had it inserted and then he had to pay up. She also made sure the marital settlement agreement language favored me in little ways.
We were able to divorce with very little hostility and legal fees. It helped that I made him pay for all legal costs since it was his idea, it kept his antics to a minimum.
Good luck BBJ. Don't go out of your way to make waves, just make sure your butt is covered.
Me: 42/H: 37 T: 10 years/M: 8 D9, S8 Bomb: 7.23.07 Separated: 1.20.08 D Final 3.19.09 Affair started in '05, found out parts in 11/07. They married 11.26.09
Hey lil sis, seems we are both in the same state. Or very similar at least. There is no such thing as serving, self serving, mediation, etc here. You get divorced when the courts have time and usually there are so many cases before you, the standard time frame these days, for the preliminary hearing, when BOTH partners agree, is a year...
I liked what Cindy said :"Don't go out of your way to make waves"... I need to remember that as well. K
K, I know we are in similar states in that we both have H's dragging their feet on divorce. The difference is, I still don't want to get divorced. And even though they are just words, if I am being honest I wish Dan was telling me that he was looking for a way to convince me not to D like your husband is telling you...
Just a 'down' morning. It is funny I have up days and then it seems to hit me again that this is real and we are not getting back together...
Bbj, do you think it is easy for me to give up after 2 years of trying so hard to fix this? Of course like you, I have sad moments and days and up days an dthe down again and...and... I wish too sometimes that my stxH would man up and we could create a loving relationship again. I think our difference is that I am not so sensitive to his words anymore. Although as I told John, I did miss a beat yesterday when I read his message about trying to convince me... I just chose to ignore it since there were no matching actions to support it.
Stay STRONG. At this point, we really have no other choice if we want some good to come out of this... love K
And even though they are just words, if I am being honest I wish Dan was telling me that he was looking for a way to convince me not to D like your husband is telling you...