I am Don Quixote

[fisherman]

This is just an opinion so take it for what it's worth.

Dinners and parties with your ex and her husband?

Just the other day you were questioning the whole cake eating thing. Seems to me that stuff like this is a massiving serving of the gourmet kind.

How is this beneficial to you? Don't get me wrong here, if it is then forgive me, but I just can't seem to figure out how this could be. How does constantly playing a role in all of this ever going to help you truely put your focus where it needs to be. On YOU. How much motivation does your ex have as far as taking a look at herself as long as she has the both of you around?

Not to mention, your children are taking this all in. They are learning relationship skills right now that they will put to use for the rest of their lives. The possiblity of them being confused by all of this seems sort of high to me.

Who knows?? I may be way off base here, but if no one changes here, how in the world will this situation change??

[Jack_Three_Beans]

"I'll probably marry Sleeper again one day."

I think you hold on to this from the moment you wake up, until you fall asleep.

I think it defines everything you do.

And until that day happens, all this self inflicted pain is just delicious to you.

Sometimes it is just easier to wear the jester costume and laugh at everything.

[forward]

Sleeper, I can understand that you want to watch for the curiosity, except that I do not entirely believe you.

Do something else on Halloween.

I agree that you are going to confuse your children. They are probably hoping you will get back together. And while you are, too, you really have to fully END the unhealthy relationship before you could consider forging a new one.

Time for new traditions that exclude her.

I have to admit that I would enjoy making OM jealous if I were you. But that, too, is not a good focus.

[Bworl]

Sleeper,

I'll say much less delicately what I think Jack might have been getting at.

Your heart wants to believe your wife will have a change at some point that wakes her up and returns her to you. Her asking for a divorce didn't change that. Her successfully getting her divorce didn't change that. Her taking up residence with another man didn't change that. Her marrying that man didn't change that.

When do you become the OM in this picture?


Your wife chose to move on. I understand how you feel about her and how much you wish the outcome would be different. But she's not just a woman who divorced you anymore. She's a woman who divorced you and married another man.


There is something significant in there if you look hard enough.


This cross pollination that keeps occuring between the two of you is bad. Bad for you. Bad for her. Bad for her new marriage. At one point you came here to save a marriage. Now you're hoping to see one end?


Peaceful co-parenting is a noble and worthwhile goal that EVERY divorced couple with children should aspire to. Lives that remain intermingled, even after a remarriage are wrong on lots of different levels.


You keep playing these little games, hoping for a crack in her armor, a sign that she's second guessing her decison, or a glimmer of reason to believe that she's wanting you back. Maybe she does at times. It wouldn't surprise me since you have such a history together.


But the situation is different now. And you see to refuse to accept that. At this point I think it is a harmful kind of denial.


Halloween together with themed costumes? You have to be kidding.


If I were OM, I'd have a nice little talk with you about stepping back and allowing my new marriage to have a fighting chance to succeed.


Not trying to take his side or rush to his defense. Really just wanting you to disconnect with this situation that is doing NOTHING positive for you.


Blessings,

Bill

[sleeper]

Her marrying that man didn't change that.

I have never given up easily. You should have seen me learning to roller skate. I was physically ill by the end of the day.

When do you become the OM in this picture?

I have been all along. Although overtly very friendly I did catch him giving me a hard look when at first I wasn't looking in his direction Monday night. Karma is such a harsh mistress. And to think Heinlein thought the Moon was.

There is something significant in there if you look hard enough.

Yes, I know. My mind has recognized and my emotions have felt its significance.

Now you're hoping to see one end?

Yes, I am.

Halloween together with themed costumes?

Not kidding. She suggested it and repeated her suggestion the following night. I won't participate in costumes. I'm now trying to decide how to handle the issue of the children. While on the subject of missing/dysfunctional boundaries....I mentioned wanting a house for "the kids and myself" Monday and she immediately refered to one down the street from her house that may be coming up for sale. I would never consider such but have learned to let those comments pass without comment. Similar housing location comments began at separation and have continued throughout this mess.

If I were OM I'd have a nice little talk with you about stepping back...

Funny, I had that very talk with him two weeks post bomb.

Although it is my goal and desire, I don't always do the right thing first when presented with challenging situations (sometimes I do get it right the first time).

At my last session the C basically said the was a brief window of opportunity for us to reconcile early on in our separation and alluded to his opinion this has been a dead horse for a couple of years now. He encouraged me to move on with my life. That didn't sit well with my gut as giving up is not in my nature. I confirmed today I have another session scheduled for next week.

I appreciate everyone's concern and comments. Deep down I know theses things and it doesn't hurt to have them brought up to the surface. I should distance myself from X and have been doing so but by very small babysteps. It's not as if it's some grand plan I have but it's happening naturally. When something seems right I do it. If it then feels right I know it was the right thing to do.

There has been progress in the state of our relations. X recently paid off some debt of which she had previously demanded I pay half. She jokingly commented that I "owe" her and smiled. You could have knocked me over with a feather.

[sleeper]

Sometimes it is just easier to wear the jester costume and laugh at everything.

Mi Dama, I am Don Quixote, a Knight of Castilla, no jester indeed.

Or are you suggesting I go to X's Hallowen Party dressed as a Jester?

In truth, I shall not go.

[Andabelle]

Glad you ain't going.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

What I am suggesting is that your surreal reality is because you choose it, what you laugh at...I cringe at.

We are made differently.

I see you placating your x-wife's expected life after divorcing Sleeper, it is her tune, and you brought the band and the hor d'oeuvres.

It is not my life, it is yours, I just do not see how this is good for you.

[forward]

Sleeper, Glad you are not going. It will be better for you to find some other things to do.

Your X has not had the chance to feel what it is like to be divorced. It is grossly unfair to be kept in the wings.

[sleeper]

...you brought the band and the hor d'oeuvres.

Close. I'm in the band.