W can't break EA - not sure how to handle it

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Yep!

[Kettricken]

Thank you, Frank Herbert:

"Long pretense creates reality."

That's working for you.

[tristan]

Thank you, Frank Herbert:
"Long pretense creates reality."

I had to think about it. But I get it. Thanks.

[breakaway]

Thank you, Frank Herbert:
"Long pretense creates reality."

I had to think about it. But I get it. Thanks.

I think it's another way of saying Fake It Til Ya Make It.

[tristan]

Journaling:
Tuesday afternoon:

Only communication today via e-mail:

--W---------------------------------------

Gracias… I called D5 this morning and talked to her. I was almost at work and realized that I had the backpacks… I am sorry about that. Hearing her little voice makes my heart melt… I told her I was going to stop by to see her today if that is ok. I hope you have a nice day.

Take care.

Love,
W

--M-------------------------------------------

Sorry about calling you last night, but D5 was asked me and I couldn’t say no. After I left a message, she got over it pretty quickly.

We didn’t do a whole lot last night. It seems once I get dinner and dishes done, there isn’t a lot of time left. I did try to “invent” a dessert for them, chocolate pudding, ice-cream, chocolate syrup, sprinkles and cookie crumbs over a warm brownie.

We will look forward to seeing you this evening, the girls will be thrilled. Hope your day goes well too.

Tristan

--W----------------------------------

No worries. I have had my phone on silence mode for a while… I am sorry about that. I did mention to her that I was staying at my place in the morning but I know it is hard, I missed them tremendously. However, I am glad to hear that she did well after you left the vm.

Your dessert invention sounds great… can I have one tonight ???

I am also looking forward to spending time with you guys. Dinner is on me. I will buy the ingredients to make some meatloaf and mash potatoes… what about that? It is fall after all, we need fall food…

--M----------------------------------

Sounds great! I’ll take care of the dishes and dessert. Since you are stopping by the store, could you buy the pudding (and possibly eggs) please?

Gracias

-------------------------------------

I am looking forward to an enjoyable evening.

[tristan]

Thank you, Frank Herbert:
"Long pretense creates reality."

I had to think about it. But I get it. Thanks.

I think it's another way of saying Fake It Til Ya Make It.

Exactly what I thought.

[breakaway]

Journaling:
I did try to “invent” a dessert for them, chocolate pudding, ice-cream, chocolate syrup, sprinkles and cookie crumbs over a warm brownie.



Your dessert invention sounds great… can I have one tonight ???

Tristan...you sly, sly dog...

[25yearsmlc]

Tristan,

Any chance your wife would be willing to do Retrovaille? It can break you loose of some old patterns, show you new ones, and really get things going in the right direction, like a much needed boost. You seem to need guidance in relating to each other which is totally reasonable. But MC is a slower process (still valuable) and in some ways it is not very "efficient" when you want to get things moving but aren't sure how to, and you're concerned about rushing too fast as well.

Frankly, we all need some tools when it comes to reconciling and for us, we were piecing for several months. It was Retrovaille that enabled me to feel comfortable saying "div busted" even though I felt close and committed before. I now feel a lot "safer" if that makes sense.

And the weekend does not have to cost you anything - though they will ask for an anonymous donation. (I know this for certain.) The weekend will open your eyes and give you hope, if it's like it was for us and the many couples we attended with. Then you'll have follow up work to do and more sessions are included and all of that is a really valuable thing to do.

Just a suggestion, but one that I cannot stress enough. It's one thing to see changes in your WAS...it's quite another to be happily married to them again.

J-

[tristan]

Tristan,

Any chance your wife would be willing to do Retrovaille? It can break you loose of some old patterns, show you new ones, and really get things going in the right direction, like a much needed boost. You seem to need guidance in relating to each other which is totally reasonable. But MC is a slower process (still valuable) and in some ways it is not very "efficient" when you want to get things moving but aren't sure how to, and you're concerned about rushing too fast as well.

Frankly, we all need some tools when it comes to reconciling and for us, we were piecing for several months. It was Retrovaille that enabled me to feel comfortable saying "div busted" even though I felt close and committed before. I now feel a lot "safer" if that makes sense.

And the weekend does not have to cost you anything - though they will ask for an anonymous donation. (I know this for certain.) The weekend will open your eyes and give you hope, if it's like it was for us and the many couples we attended with. Then you'll have follow up work to do and more sessions are included and all of that is a really valuable thing to do.

Just a suggestion, but one that I cannot stress enough. It's one thing to see changes in your WAS...it's quite another to be happily married to them again.

J-

Hi 25,

We did A New Beginning retreat ( http://www.familydynamics.net/anbexp.htm )back in July. It was very powerful and both my W and I thought we were good after that. Obviously, it did not work out that way. Do you know if Retrovaille is much different?

Thanks.

[25yearsmlc]

Tristan,

I can only speak for two types of workshops. The ones we went to when we were first married, which were tune ups for happy couples. We loved them! They were like mini-honeymoons.

Then Retrovaille - which was for a very diff situation. I am not familiar with the program you attended but glanced at the site. Seems to me, if you went and found it helpful or powerful but did not follow thru, well....you do have to follow thru or NO program will change your M for long. The "honeymoon" effect only lasts so long and then the work starts so you need the tools they provide, and you need to use them and use them until they're 2nd nature.

For us, it was Retrovaille. But whichever you attend, or both, follow thru with it.

We missed a follow up session when mil was visiting (she has terminal cancer and she required 24/7 focussed attention) and it was very stressful for me and h and our kids, but obviously the time with her was valuable and necessary. Don't mean to complain but combining her visit with missing a session right after, was bad for us. It showed. But we saw that, and we learned. We really DO have to keep at it and follow thru but my God, the rewards are pretty impressive.

That's all I can say for it. You seem understandably hesitant to jump right back into your m, but we all know you love her and it seems she's trying to stay out of the fog.

So, why not go to something like Retrovaille or what you attended before if you think this time you guys will keep at it? I don't see how it can hurt. Good luck, you deserve this.
J-