"Anyway, the importance of keeping record of actual time spent is really important in visitation cases."
Protecting your interests should always be a top priority. There is nothing "wrong" about doing it. It can also go a long way towards giving you that "spine of steel".
"I'm going to continue seeing new guy & enjoying his company at the same time admitting I can fully understand what happens when someone is added to the mix. It definitely muddies up the water for any thought of R the M."
You mentioned this a couple of times over the posts here. All I can say about it is to be careful with it. You have done some testing and have seen the outcomes. Don't make a dramatic movement until/if you see some definite change. You will know it if/when it happens.
You have been where you are now before (sans the "friend" if I recall correctly). Remember, people like to do the same things.. even to a fault sometimes. Being "stuck" can be more comfortable than change. Look at what has changed in your life. See what is better, decide what is not. It is amazing what can happen when you just can't "care" anymore?
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
So nice to hear from you Forrest! I've missed the heck out of you!
Yes, we have been here over & over again in the last 2 1/2 years, however, it's taken on a different hue this time.
We're heading into court tomorrow morning & paper is now being 'spit' back & forth. My H so did not like the Mediator's proposal & take on the sitch, that he filed a slew of Declarations, one of which was at least 40 pages long.
So, we are now engaged in what seems to occur when you enter this stage & why the chances of R greatly diminish by the day.
I still can't wrap my mind around why an intelligent, in business anyway, man would submit anything to the courts that can be easily proven to be untrue.
One of many is that he raised his D27 & always had an equal sharing visitation sched. He did not meet her until she was 10yrs old when they came looking for the father, as her mother was in rehab. From that time on, he had infrequent contact, although he did provide for her. It's all on file, what could he be thinking?
So many damage causing events are now taking on a life of their own that I have lost any desire to put myself through anymore of this with him.
We may have had a chance if there was a faster turn around & it didn't get this far, who's to know.
So, I still won't make any dramatic movements because I know better, with 6 days left until what could be D day, I don't really have to I guess.
New guy is giving me a little space to get thru this & being supportive at the same time.
I have a blue label whisky locked in my office at work, I will have it the day I sign... (if I am still working by then cause John 210 says I will be 80 before that happens ) K
I still can't wrap my mind around why an intelligent, in business anyway, man would submit anything to the courts that can be easily proven to be untrue.
Somehow, and I don't know how they do it, but they are able to convince themselves that the history they rewrite is somehow actually true.
Funny, I should have been nervous going into court & wasn't, just focused. H, on the other hand, looked dazed & anxious, so I patted the seat next to me when he asked where he should sit.
Sitting there thru 6 other 'matters' before us, he kept looking at me & whispered, "Sheesh, we look pretty together, don't we?", "I hate this, I really hate this." Amazing cases of "War of the Roses", involving police reports & hurling of insults all around. Judge admonished a couple to "grow up."
Because I 'know' my H, I made sure to have my latest declaration/response handed to him by my neighbor. That didn't stop him from starting off with, "...and she just handed me the papers, which doesn't really bother me..." My job was to sit there w/out reacting or getting emotional. Difficult to do when you hear some major re-writing of history.
There were some slap downs from the judge, such as to his response as to why he didn't spend more time than 1 overnight & 2 dinners w/S6 in the last year ("Place was too small, now moved back into my lrg ocean view home").
Judge="The mediator wrote that it was because you spent most of your time with your girlfriend." H="That is not true." Judge="Oh, you didn't have a girlfriend?" H="Uh, well yes, I had a girlfriend." Judge="Okay."
Surprising she would say this, although it was also in the mediators report.
Questionable H moves;
-Crosses out the amt of days on some of the 7 trips (56 days) I documented he took in 2007', (I put w/GF when she accmp.), and put down one day less, etc.,?? That's kinda verifying my record of events.
-Attempts to 'tell' judge what the best ruling would be, & you know how they love that.
Anyway, temporary ruling is status quo, with the exception that instead of 1 Friday night sleepover, we go to every other weekend. He also has to p/u S6 from school 3x a week instead of here after work. Much harder for him, especially on the short school day.
So, after court we talk & clear the air a bit. He hugs me & tells me he "loves" me. He wishes he hadn't ever started this. We have some nice moments. I tell him I have to get going. He says he'll "talk" to me later & ....
Next phone call he asks me to forget about the temporary orders & go back to the way it was.
Nope, I haven't had a weekend off in 2 1/2 yrs & I'm also not going to go against court orders (to be used against me later, perhaps).
Back to court on Monday, where we have a status hearing & also the matter of H filing a Bifurcation motion, requesting the judge issue a Judgement of Dissolution immediately. We would then settle the property & visitation issues later.
I don't know why he filed for this, just that if he wants a D that badly he'll have it. Can't say that it doesn't bother me. I will "hold onto myself" though.
@S4H-"Somehow, and I don't know how they do it, but they are able to convince themselves that the history they rewrite is somehow actually true."
Yes, S4H, I think of this as the O.J. mindset & believe we're all capable of it to a degree, some more than others for sure.
@FG-"It is all about perspective."
Of course this also holds true, & all going on at once.
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