Speaking only for myself, there are two reasons I would behave in such a way (and that likelyhood is pretty small). 1: I would be feeling you out as to where you are with regards to me or 2: guilt.
Like I said this is only me and the likelyhood would be very small b/c I am not a game player. I would rather risk being hurt than to not play my cards on the table. A very valuable lesson I have learned.
Having put that out there, what does that tell you about ex? nothing. Just as your take on how a man thinks applies only to you.
Here's the thing, too. Say you are unavailable but not really happy. If you are setting up attractive friends of the opposite sex, it still kind of gives you a kind of special bond and connection. Then maybe that friend will confide in you if things are not really going well--again, special bond.
And you can get bits of information about how things are progressing from both sides.
M: 16 years Bomb 4/07 OW 20s long gone Divorced 11/09 I remarried New Guy Cooperative r w/X regarding D
Fair, as long as opposite sex friends have a clear understanding of the relationship.
I have a couple of male friends that I have told point blank, I am not available and not interested in anything of a romantic nature. I have also had a couple of men tell me that since that was the case they didn't choose to do things (btw, with men I tend to do things within a group, less chance of any misunderstandings).
Granted, I may be a bit of a freak, but honestly, my biggest concern here is misleading someone else. It would be too easy to do just b/c their interest would boost my ego.
What I am saying is that that is what Sleeper's X seems to be doing: getting involved in his love life (or trying to) so that she can continue to have a special role.
M: 16 years Bomb 4/07 OW 20s long gone Divorced 11/09 I remarried New Guy Cooperative r w/X regarding D
Or there are some mlcers who subconsciously know what they are going through. X told C when this started, "I'll probably marry Sleeper again one day." She's always been interested in if/who I might be dating.
I'm enjoying some detatchment lately and the observations can be very interesting.
OMH's job situation has changed (cutbacks) so he is out of town a lot more than he used to be as he is required to take on the workload which results in X being alone more often. That helps explain all the contact this past week and her inviting me out to eat with her and the kids twice. I turned down one, accepted one (I'm getting into this doing as I want thing).
The last time I delivered kids to X at kidswap she wasn't home but OMH was there to recieve them. He didn't look happy to see me arrive with the children and X not there.
As for me I'm stressed (no elaboration needed). The good thing is I recognize it. The even better thing is I'm about to do some things about it. I'm getting back on my meds, I have therapy this week, I'm going back to he gym and beginning to say "NO". No matter what happens me and my kids are going to be OK.
But for now Sancho, "There are giants in this land........"
"Fear is the mind-killer" Muad'Dib Me 53, XW 44, DD 14, DS 12 Bomb and OM 12/15/06 Separated 01/02/07 Divorced 05/13/08 X married OM(OMH) 08/2009 Married 06/09/13
But for now Sancho, "There are giants in this land........"
That's no joke.... this isn't for the faint of heart.
I'm happy to hear that you recognize this and you are taking care of it.
As far as the whole "no" thing goes. It's a must do at times. Grab your shield and be prepared for the potential spewing that my occur from using that one little word...... No.
...Sleeper's X seems to be doing: getting involved...so that she can have a special role.
Saw X and OMH at kids sports event tonight which was also kidswap. She brought up Halloween Night. We would have families with kids over for a party/trick or treating when we were married and this tradition cointinued after we separated. This will be the first Halloween after our D and her subsequent M to OM.
X wants us; her, me, OMH, Ladyfriend and our kids (didn't mention ladyfriend's kids) to dress in matching costumes of the same theme. She even asked my opinion on the food to be served (had ___ last year, do you think ___ would be better to serve this year?).
If you really want to get twisted read this......
The theme would combine the Adams Family with the Munsters. X would be Morticia, OMH chose Lurch, and I said I would only come as Gomez (THE HUSBAND). They were both basically OK with that although X did try to steer me toward the Grandfather figure in the Munsters cast. Our daughter would be Tuesday and our son either Pugsly or Wolfie. There was no suggestion for costumes for Ladyfriend or Ladyfriend's kids.
I find it interesting I get a place in the character scheme, albiet grandpa. Her real grandpa's death triggered her mlc. I recieved grandfatherly gifts for the Christmas that immediately followed (ties and a shoe shine kit).
Feeling a little uncomfortable and weirded out I diverted the discussion and mentioned I and DS might come as other matching characters we had discussed on our own.
Maybe this ____ is all normal and I'm the one who is ____ed in the head.
I should just show up as Don Quixote.
"Wit is wasted on the witless", Sleeper, Halloween, 2007. There will be at least two in attendence who will "get it" if I do indeed dress as Don Quixote.
I may do it for the three of us.
Hell, I might even sing. (and I can)
Last edited by sleeper; 09/29/0903:39 AM.
"Fear is the mind-killer" Muad'Dib Me 53, XW 44, DD 14, DS 12 Bomb and OM 12/15/06 Separated 01/02/07 Divorced 05/13/08 X married OM(OMH) 08/2009 Married 06/09/13
Why do you keep doing this to yourself, and to her?
STOP THE CYCLE.
Sleeper, I care about you and I think you and I are kindred spirits. As such, you are continuing the cycle in order to not 'hurt anyone'. Well, pain is a motivator. If you actually love your XW and your children you would stop this.
When? Damn it man, you are killing me because I follow you trying to learn and I end up having to teach.
Are you in the alternate Universe? Kalni sunshine?
