What is it in these people, these WAS, that causes them to turn like that?
I chalk it mostly to a psychological problem and to the fact that the devil is like a hungry lion looking for someone to devour, he preys on families and attacks where people are most vulnerable, that's the only way I can understand why a good, shy, conservative God-fearing man would turn into the insensitive liar cheat lost soul ex is now. Remember the verse where it says "For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities and powers,against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickednessin high places’ ?
I commend my kids to God daily and try my best to teach them His way, which is the only tool that will keep them safe, pray hard for them instead of giving in to worry, it's hard sometimes not to fear for our little ones as we send them out with people who've lost their way, but they are in God's hands and we have to strive hard at trusting Him.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
After I wrote the prior email I caught an Ed Young sermon on video. He asked the question that came up during the Nightline debate last week, "Are we born to cheat?"
His answer: Yes, we are all born to cheat. But as Christians, we are reborn to not cheat but to follow Christ.
That's the key. We all have sinful natures and we are all destined to sin and to die for those sins -- unless we accept the salvation that Jesus offers us through his sacrifice for our sins.
My goal for my S's is to lead them in the way of the Lord, and to pray for them, that they might lead good and spiritually healthy lives. I pray that I can lead them through and past the snares in life until such time as they are on their own. I will pray that God grants me the patience to persevere in the face of behavior from their mother that contradicts those spiritual teachings.
I am not looking forward to her oppositional actions, but what else can I do but to continue anyway?
I can't believe the weekend is over already. Boom, snap, gone. I enjoyed it nonetheless.
I took the boys on a long hike yesterday. We're trying to build up some miles under S8's belt for Cub Scouts. We earned another 4.6 miles yesterday afternoon, even though we had to double-back. The terrain was very rough, undulating and rocky, with lots of roots and other snares to trip one up, but we made it.
I am proud of the both of them for persevering in this -- even S4. He was sooo tired on the last leg that I was starting to think I was going to have to carry him. And as the light started to fade there towards the end, he took a tumble and scraped his knee. I made sure he was okay, dusted him off, put a bandage on a minor laceration and then convinced him he needed to hold my hand the rest of the way. I told him to let "Daddy" be his walking stick, so he wouldn't be so likely to fall anymore.
They both did good. And S8 is relishing being that much closer to earning his first hiking achievement.
I told S8 that if he manages to keep earning the miles for hiking, then perhaps some time next Spring the two of us might try to tackle the trails on Mt. Mitchell (we've got a long way to go before that however.)
It just warms my heart to hear about your time with the boys. It makes me just smile. I wish H was more like that. He does some stuff with them, but usually ends up with him being impatient with them.
it makes me sad.
Your a wonderful father, and they will remember these times with you, and how it will make such a difference in their lives.
Hope you are doing well yourself.
((((hugs)))
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
I thank all of you, Yoyo, Kat, Irish, for the encouragement.
Although my two boys are high-energy handfuls and thus very tiring at times, still it is a "happy tired". I get such a level of contentment knowing they're safely under my roof and that I can enjoy their company and rest assuredly when they are tucked asleep in their beds.
It is a counterpoint to the other 50% of the time they are with their mother -- where I am more at "peace", but too much so, and I miss them and am concerned for them. I catch myself when next I then chide myself -- my old thought pattern is that I have nothing to worry about because they are with their mother. I catch myself at this and think again: perhaps I cannot take such things for granted, i.e., assuming their mother is still trustworthy even where they are concerned. I thought I knew who that person was at one time, but certainly no longer -- she has proven to be capable of the unthinkable, so nothing is removed from her now.
And then another double-take hits me: But there's nothing I can do about her and what happens when she has custody anyway (assuming she is doing nothing illegal) -- so why tear myself up over that. No, give them over to God -- trust but verify.
If any of what I just said made any more sense to you than it did me, then please feel free to explain it better than I can because it makes me feel so schizo debating myself.
They're so young, and yet they're both growing so fast. I wish I could do so much more for them than I am able to now.
I, as always, completely understand what you're saying. Luckily, you have them 50% of the time and through so, have a stronger influence and interaction with your boys. As I've said, providing nothing against the parenting agreement is occuring, you are right, there is NOTHING you can do, no matter how much it may displease you, that your X does or handles a situation while they are in her care.
As I put in my complaint to my X (who was/is violating the order), no matter what happened, we are still their parents. And in being so, come form different upbringings. Consequently, she has her way and I have mine, that's just the way it was and will be.
Utilize YOUR time to mold them in the fasion YOU do. It's all YOU can do. In time, if they feel her methods have been flaud, that's THIER decision. EDIT- And as hard as it may be, do not try to instigate some sort of rebellion against your X, she is still their mother afterall.
Me 35/XW 33 S13 & S12 M: 10/17/98 OM & S: 07/08 D final 06/09/09 12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing" 06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10 06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
Dday, I hear ya' on the rebellion thing, but just living my life is enough to run counter to xW's reality-distorting gravity well, for which she takes considerable offense. Just the fact that I am still taking in oxygen and expelling carbon dioxide is enough to make her cross and flag me as contrary to her sensibilities.
Just tonight I had to put the kibosh on a conversation I was having with S8. He was steering the conversation towards talking about the OM and that his mother has "loved" him for a very long time. He mentioned that because his mother and the OM had been such close friends back when my dog Angus was still alive, he concludes that they must have been "in love" even before he was born.
I can't tell you how painful that is to hear, but I think I kept my cool in front of my S. Of course the fact that I was trying to steer the conversation back onto safer ground was probably enough for him to see that I was not comfortable with the subject matter. Perhaps he is learning the wrong behaviors, i.e., how to manipulate his parents through emotionally charged subjects. I am now concerned he might be unknowingly playing one parent off the other. Certainly he will relay anything I might say about his mother back to her just to see her own reaction -- so I need to not feed this any more than I possible.
This all makes me wonder, these WAS really don't know what wheels they set in motion by their deceit and their selfishness. The fact this is having such an impact on our children, often in ways far more subtle than one can anticipate, breaks my heart all over again.
Oh, I thought I'd pass along something that I have been thinking about of late.
I started to think about the people of Israel as they were led by Moses out of Egypt. I realize the parallels between their attitudes and theirs faults with those of my own, as a LBS. I feel that I too have been wondering around stupidly in the Wilderness until the time that I am truly ready for the Promised Land. I am supposed to be learning how to be someone chosen by God and growing closer to Him. Instead I have whined, complained and back-bitten. I have looked back at my old life with regret, not focusing on the blessings of the "now". Like those who followed Moses, I am an ingrate stuck in the Wilderness until I can learn my lesson, if ever.
The funny thing that I realized all of a sudden is that in this analogy the "bondage" to which I have been freed is my M to my xW! Here I have been mourning the loss of my slavish devotion to what has been proven to be an unequal yoke -- what was I thinking?!?
LOL. I am now picturing my xW as a queen of Egypt, with her OM drowning beneath the Red Sea.
But back to the original matter. I am now working my way out of the wilderness of regret and self-pity, and seeking the Promised Land. It is a difficult journey indeed, but mostly because I made it so. I recognize that I need to work on my attitude, to focus on the positives and to truly put my faith in the Lord. And that is going to take time and a lot of patience.
