" didn't you say in a previous post that your husband thinks your crazy sometimes, maybe you unknowingly have an effect on people by the way you communicate with them, it's not totally impossible."
Robx, Now you're getting personal about Breakaway's sitch. I don't think that's very nice or fair and I think you should concentrate on Tristan's sitch seeing as how it's his thread. The good thing about DB is it gives a person a chance to take everyone's (very different) opinions as an opportunity to see how differently different people react in the same situation.
But then again, maybe I'm crazy too.
** Purple
As soon as you trust yourself you will know how to live. Goethe
This is all personal, this entire forum discussing our lives, our spouses, WAS's, emotional affairs, physical affairs, how to bring back a walk away spouse, dealing with fighting, personal turmoil, how inprove yourself in all aspects of your life.... IT'S ALL PERSONAL.
Breakaway posted something earlier stating that her husband had made an observation about her, those were her own words. It has nothing to do with being nice or fair, I stated something she had stated previously.
I have nothing against Breakaway personally, I mentioned that it's possible she has this effect on her spouse, I made an observation based on posts she makes concerning other people's comments and based on her own words, maybe it's a stretch but she seems to be a little antagonistic to some of the men posting on this forum with regards to the ideas & methods used to bring back a WAW - I have felt that at any rate. To each his own, there is no be all end all method to any of this, what works for some may not work for others. There is nothing wrong with her ideas, opinions & mindset - what is right or wrong with regards to any of this? Plus her emotions, attitudes, opinions, etc. now may be as a result of the growth & development process she went through after her EA and also in trying to deal with a spouse that isn't emotional supportive the way he should be towards her.
Plus the changes we are trying to put into effect in our own lives are not only meant to improve our lives but also improve our involvement & effect on the people in our lives.
Let it be known, I have nothing against anyone in any of these forums but just as my posts in any of these threads can read & scrutinized, breakaway and everyone can expect the same.
Hopefully this settles this, if more clarication or discussion is required on this, so be it, I'll be here to offer my 2 cents, breakaway may up the ante to $2 ;-)
(fyi - breakaway does have a sense of humor, I've seen in it on a few rare occasions)
maybe it's a stretch but she seems to be a little antagonistic to some of the men posting on this forum with regards to the ideas & methods used to bring back a WAW - I have felt that at any rate.
Pot. Kettle. Black.
Look, I am not interested in engaging with you about my situation. This is Tristan's thread and I only offer what I can as it relates TO his situation. You've already offered many paragraphs of what you surmise about me, and so far you've been pretty far off the mark. (Just like you mischaracterized 25mlc in the most negative light and were also dead wrong) Instead of an apology for such gross mischaracterization, I got "if you're so great, then why doesn't your husband like you?" As if I present myself as something great. I'm not answering that or any more of your questions. Frankly...it's just getting boring.
Things have changed quite drastically over this past weekend. On Friday I went out to a concert with BIL (an MD) who was in town. He did not know W's diagnosis, but asked if she had become manic after taking anti-depressants. He said that he noticed things this year that made him think that may have been the case. After the concert, BIL dropped me off at W's house. He was appreciative of this since it allowed him to have the king bed at my house.
On Saturday, I took some time to play soccer in the morning, but we spent the rest of the day together as a family. We went to the downtown mall, watched "Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs", spent time walking around, a little shopping, etc. W made some great Chicken Chilli at my place on Saturday night and spent the night there. Sunday, was much of the same. We spent much of the day at my place. Just hanging out and doing normal chores. She made a wonderful chicken dish last night and stayed at my place again last night.
I tried to stay away from R talks over the weekend, but it came up a couple of times:
M: "So how has the job search been going." W: "Its hard, people keep walking into my office when I am looking. I will probably just have to use your computer and apply to some of the online ones." M: "Anything look interesting?" W: "Well, the _____ has an opening for _____, but I can't apply for that for obvious reasons. You know I am thinking about just applying to Pier One. I saw they have openings for managers and I think I might like it."
My W is a Director at a fairly large Social Service agency and OM is COO at another. So it is difficult for her to find anything in her expertise without it requiring at least some contact with OM. I find her answer to this to be very reassuring.
While talking about wich MC we would like to use:
W: "So you know, I have got rid of OM from here and here." She pointed to her mind and heart respectively. M: "Does he know that?" W: "No." M: "I am assumming he has an idea." W: "Yes. I think so. I haven't been talking to him."
Before leaving this morning: M: "Have a good day. Are you going to be by tonight?" W: "I don't know." M: "OK" - I nod and start to walk to the door. W: "I love you." M: "I love you too."
This is all happening so fast that sometimes I wonder if it is real. But things have been great. W mentioned to me that things "Feel like old times". I am just enjoying where we are at right now.
maybe it's a stretch but she seems to be a little antagonistic to some of the men posting on this forum with regards to the ideas & methods used to bring back a WAW - I have felt that at any rate.
Pot. Kettle. Black.
Look, I am not interested in engaging with you about my situation. This is Tristan's thread and I only offer what I can as it relates TO his situation. You've already offered many paragraphs of what you surmise about me, and so far you've been pretty far off the mark. (Just like you mischaracterized 25mlc in the most negative light and were also dead wrong) Instead of an apology for such gross mischaracterization, I got "if you're so great, then why doesn't your husband like you?" As if I present myself as something great. I'm not answering that or any more of your questions. Frankly...it's just getting boring.
Thank you, I agree, it is getting boring, let's all move on instead of re-hashing the past which really doesn't get us anywhere. I agree we tend to mis-characterize (if that's even a word?) alot of people on this site including each other, I don't feel the need to get angry over this so it's time to let it go.
Things have changed quite drastically over this past weekend. On Friday I went out to a concert with BIL (an MD) who was in town. He did not know W's diagnosis, but asked if she had become manic after taking anti-depressants. He said that he noticed things this year that made him think that may have been the case. After the concert, BIL dropped me off at W's house. He was appreciative of this since it allowed him to have the king bed at my house.
On Saturday, I took some time to play soccer in the morning, but we spent the rest of the day together as a family. We went to the downtown mall, watched "Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs", spent time walking around, a little shopping, etc. W made some great Chicken Chilli at my place on Saturday night and spent the night there. Sunday, was much of the same. We spent much of the day at my place. Just hanging out and doing normal chores. She made a wonderful chicken dish last night and stayed at my place again last night.
I tried to stay away from R talks over the weekend, but it came up a couple of times:
M: "So how has the job search been going." W: "Its hard, people keep walking into my office when I am looking. I will probably just have to use your computer and apply to some of the online ones." M: "Anything look interesting?" W: "Well, the _____ has an opening for _____, but I can't apply for that for obvious reasons. You know I am thinking about just applying to Pier One. I saw they have openings for managers and I think I might like it."
My W is a Director at a fairly large Social Service agency and OM is COO at another. So it is difficult for her to find anything in her expertise without it requiring at least some contact with OM. I find her answer to this to be very reassuring.
While talking about wich MC we would like to use:
W: "So you know, I have got rid of OM from here and here." She pointed to her mind and heart respectively. M: "Does he know that?" W: "No." M: "I am assumming he has an idea." W: "Yes. I think so. I haven't been talking to him."
Before leaving this morning: M: "Have a good day. Are you going to be by tonight?" W: "I don't know." M: "OK" - I nod and start to walk to the door. W: "I love you." M: "I love you too."
This is all happening so fast that sometimes I wonder if it is real. But things have been great. W mentioned to me that things "Feel like old times". I am just enjoying where we are at right now.
So far so good, sounds like you're playing it cool, keep up the good work, no pressure, no R talk, just enjoy each other's time & company and have fun! I think sometimes we spend so much time working on all of this that we forget to step back and just have fun. You are definitely more pleasant to be around when you are more fun, more relaxed, she feels more secure around you, more comfortable around you and she shows that to you, you don't engage in any R talks and when you do, you do more listening and less talking, which means less pursuing, you let her fill the gaps, you let her come closer and she does this because she feels comfortable enough around you to be closer.
After the "I love you"s this morning there was no contact between W and I till this afternoon. W sent the following e-mail:
--W------------------
Hola,
How are you??? I am doing well. I wanted to let you know that I will be staying at my place tonight. I feel like being by myself and, I am looking forward to doing some meditation and doing some thinking about our weekend. I want you to know that I truly enjoyed my time with you and our time together as a family. Thank you!!!
Love, W
--M-----------------------------------
No problem. I understand your need to be by yourself.
I am doing well. I have a ton of work to do, but that is a good thing. I truly enjoyed the weekend as well. You were right when you mentioned it was like “old times”. There is no need to thank me, it was my pleasure. I hope you know that you are welcome over anytime.
Have a good night and I will let you know how the girls did in the morning, - Tristan
-----------------------------------
D5 was very upset when she found out that mommy was not coming tonight; so I called to see if she wanted to talk to her. She did not answer, so I left a message. Hope it was OK I called.
I must admit I am a little dissappointed that she decided to stay at her place tonight. Although, I do understand her need to pull back a bit. I was also wondering if things were moving too fast. We will see how things go the rest of the week.
No problem. I understand your need to be by yourself.
I am doing well. I have a ton of work to do, but that is a good thing. I truly enjoyed the weekend as well. You were right when you mentioned it was like “old times”. There is no need to thank me, it was my pleasure. I hope you know that you are welcome over anytime.
Have a good night and I will let you know how the girls did in the morning, - Tristan
-----------------------------------
Perfect response. Upbeat; loving; confident. Not "needy/grabby."
