Is BIL going to go home sick, or is he staying in the hotel til he recovers? Must admit your thread is educational. I never knew there were so many steps to a complete "standard LM". Waiting with bated breath!
BIL is going to ride it out in the hotel, at least for the time being. SIL is distraught b/c she wants to go take care of him or have him come home but that would expose her and baby plus it would mean he'd have to re-do the whole month-long training next month, prolonging their time apart.
As for the step-by-step approach, again, it reminds me of high school, inching toward it bit-by-bit and being comfortable staying at each new plateau for awhile. It may sound strange that I'm not chomping at the bit to 'go all the way' but I feel so loved and cared for that I am content and happy. The journey is so pleasant that I'm just not fussed about the goal.
And, as many here have said, it took a long time to tank our M as badly as we did, so not rushing things is the way to go. I'd rather slow and done right than fast and stuff bites us in the arse later.
H seems quiet and withdrawn today - pensive, even. Perhaps the two events are unrelated, but I certainly hit a pensive streak after my little show. Now that the glove is on the other hand, so to speak, it seems that he may be having a similar, introspective reaction.
I am giving him space to work it out.
I have a sense it's about vulnerability, how you both probably promised yourselves at some level that you'd never be vulnerable to the other ever again--at some point in the past--and there's not much more vulnerable than "the little death." So it needs reflection regarding how it feels being vulnerable with each other again.
Space. Definitely.
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
I think you hit it dead on, Hoosier. That's what I struggled with even though I thought I'd be fine with it, so w/o resorting too badly to mind reading here, it wouldn't be unusual for him to be having some of the same thoughts.
And it's just one more reason why the go-slow approach is good. The snap-back from a no-holds-barred, take no prisoners, roll in the hay might be more than either of us bargained for. This way gives ample time for reflection, trust-building, etc.
The trouble with having an open mind is that people put things in it.
My sitch - Divorce Busted! http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1804137#Post1804137
you have far more self-discipline than I'd have under the circumstances. well, in all you've been doing, actually, not just the part between the sheets. you're my hero(ine)!
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
