Yes. BIL is in town so we were all over at her place last night. I opened up and became a lot more relaxed around her. It was good to see that she could be comfortable around BIL. When BIL and I were about to go back to my place, W asked if I would like to stay. I gave BIL keys to the house and said "See ya tomorrow." It was a good night and we have been e-mailing back and forth all day today.
--W--------------------------
D3 was asking me why I was kissing you and D5 had a huge smile when I got in the car.
--M--------------------------
What did you say…
--W--------------------------
Because I love you…….
--M--------------------------
Love you too.
-----------------------------
It is strange how fast things have moved. I am ignoring OM right now. She said she knew he had to go. I will give her some time to handle it and bring it up in the MC session.
It is strange how fast things have moved. I am ignoring OM right now. She said she knew he had to go. I will give her some time to handle it and bring it up in the MC session.
I think that's a wise move. Give HER a chance to make the decision and take action on her own. I have all my fingers crossed for you!
and Phoenix..why does anyone have to be wrapped around a finger? Why does he have to be in the "position of power," which assumes that one person has to be in power over the other. That's the "one up/one down" paradigm. That in order for one partner not to be down they have to be up. Instead of equality. A successful marriage in my opinion is one where the power is shared.
Phoenix..why does anyone have to be wrapped around a finger? Why does he have to be in the "position of power," which assumes that one person has to be in power over the other.
Breakaway, you just like to argue with everyone. You like to pick apart wording instead of looking at any intent. So for your benefit:
Tristan up to this point has not even had "power" over himself. I have power..my wife has power. We each have the power to be fine on our own. We each have the power to kick the other to the curb if we cheat. Tristan has been cheated on. He needs to be in a position of "power" where his wife knows he doesn't tolerate being cheated on. A relationship isn't one person master and the other servant...but it isn't one person cuckold and the other person cuckolder either. While power can be "shared", wives (and husbands) shouldn't be shared (with other people). In order to break the hold of OM, the cheated on spouse has to be prepared to not accept anything less than all of their spouse.
Last edited by Phoenixdeux; 09/25/0907:23 PM.
You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with. Dr. Wayne Dyer
Phoenix..why does anyone have to be wrapped around a finger? Why does he have to be in the "position of power," which assumes that one person has to be in power over the other.
Breakaway, you just like to argue with everyone. You like to pick apart wording instead of looking at any intent. So for your benefit:
Tristan up to this point has not even had "power" over himself. I have power..my wife has power. We each have the power to be fine on our own. We each have the power to kick the other to the curb if we cheat. Tristan has been cheated on. He needs to be in a position of "power" where his wife knows he doesn't tolerate being cheated on. A relationship isn't one person master and the other servant...but it isn't one person cuckold and the other person cuckolder either. While power can be "shared", wives (and husbands) shouldn't be shared (with other people). In order to break the hold of OM, the cheated on spouse has to be prepared to not accept anything less than all of their spouse.
It is strange how fast things have moved. I am ignoring OM right now. She said she knew he had to go. I will give her some time to handle it and bring it up in the MC session.
I think that's a wise move. Give HER a chance to make the decision and take action on her own. I have all my fingers crossed for you!
and Phoenix..why does anyonehave to be wrapped around a finger? Why does he have to be in the "position of power," which assumes that one person has to be in power over the other. That's the "one up/one down" paradigm. That in order for one partner not to be down they have to be up. Instead of equality. A successful marriage in my opinion is one where the power is shared.
When you word it like that breakaway, it sounds like someone needs to be controlling someone but that's not it at all.
- When tristan and his wife first started seeing each other, it was a joint decision. - when the started dating exclusively, it was a joint decision. - when they got engaged, married, had children, it was a joint decision.
Up until this point,they are sharing the power in the relationship.
- when is wife had an affair with the OM, she made that decision. She took control of their relationship, it wasn't a joint decision she made with tristan, she chose to see the OM, have an affair, develop a new relationship, etc. These were all her decisions. I'm sure tristan said no, he didn't like it but that didn't influence her decisions, she had taken control of the relationship and all the power.
Tristan doesn't have to be the one with all the power, in fact when viewed like that, his wife would certainly not exist in that situation long. They do need to share the power, equality needs to be brought back to their relationship but right now, that can't happen until trust is reestablished and that won't happen until the OM is out of the picture completely and his wife builds trust back through consistent action.
There seem to be the usual reading comprehension issues here...
I didn't word it that way, Phoenix worded it that way, and I commented on it. Which offended him that I was "picking apart" HIS wording instead of intent, when IMO, wording reveals intent.
And it's funny, but I know lots of people I don't argue with. Hmm. Maybe some people are just easily threatened when a woman disagrees with them on an open message board and thinks every discussion has to be "won" since they do have a one up/one down paternalistic world view.
But here I go, arguing again. Using that edumacation.
There seem to be the usual reading comprehension issues here...
I didn't word it that way, Phoenix worded it that way, and I commented on it. Which offended him that I was "picking apart" HIS wording instead of intent, when IMO, wording reveals intent.
And it's funny, but I know lots of people I don't argue with. Hmm. Maybe some people are just easily threatened when a woman disagrees with them on an open message board and thinks every discussion has to be "won" since they do have a one up/one down paternalistic world view.
But here I go, arguing again. Using that edumacation.
It's Friday and I'm going to have a margarita.
- didn't you say in a previous post that your husband thinks your crazy sometimes, maybe you unknowingly have an effect on people by the way you communicate with them, it's not totally impossible.
Love you too.