lol mishka! Thanks for the laugh! Yes the therapist told her to come in twice a week as the XW was in really bad shape. Apperantly, she's had these issues since childhood. I guess love is blind!
Formerly SGfan M:38 W:33 M:8 yrs T:10 yrs Bomb: Dec '08 Separated: 4/18/09 Divorce: 8/28/09 XW Affair began: April 08
This exactly why most affairs don't work out. Sooner or later, it ends for one reason or another. Then, like my XW they realize they've lost everything. I can already see this comming with my XW. The OM is gone and she's surrounded by nothing by yes-friends who are just using her.
Yeah, I KNOW things will get very, very interesting when the day comes with my X. Scarey part is to think of what she will do. She will either have to try and bait me up or move on completely to someone else before current OM can exit stage left as there is no way in the world she can substain herself, no way. And that is where the very last bit of my concern for her sits as this was not thought through at all. Meh, time will tell.
Otherwise, I don't know why, but my PMA today is off the hook. I feel like a million bucks and have no explination for it. Only thing is last night, when I got home, my cousin made a mention that a FedxX package came during the day, but had to be signed for and no-one answered the door since the doorbell doesn't work. Which kinda of pee'd her off as we bought a new one a few weeks ago, but I hadn't installed yet. I guess it all played on the feelings of rejection and selfworth.
I felt worthless and rejected as I did everything at X's request for so many years. No, "I'll get to it later", it was done near immediately or best as possible. So, since that was no longer required of me anymore, I lost interest in household projects since I wasn't good enough for them. So, I guess hopping on this one simple little thing was therapy in disguse.
On a funny note, I was nearly 3/4 of the way home last night, well past the town that I had lived in and X still does. Get to stop light and happen to glance over to my left. There's XW and one of her friends she works with apparentlyon their way home. I'm certain that her friend saw me. X never looked directly at me as far as I could tell but threw her arms in the air several times as if saying "my god can't I just get away from him?!?!". No.
Me 35/XW 33 S13 & S12 M: 10/17/98 OM & S: 07/08 D final 06/09/09 12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing" 06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10 06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
Trust me, you XW will live with regret. Especially after the string of bad relationships and bad men. You are the yard-stick by which all men she meet will be judged. She will never be able to get away from your memory and the life you had together.
You should let go of your lack of a sense of urgency to accomplish your XW's requests. You're holding on to it still and that means she still has power over you. Do what's right by you and people will notice your happiness.
Ugh! I really don't want to see my ex AT ALL. I just go an email from her stating that she has some of my stuff from my grandmother. I'm just going to tell her to mail it to me. This is just another ploy to try and be 'friends.' I will absolutely NOT tolerate cake-eating.
Formerly SGfan M:38 W:33 M:8 yrs T:10 yrs Bomb: Dec '08 Separated: 4/18/09 Divorce: 8/28/09 XW Affair began: April 08
Trust me, you XW will live with regret. Especially after the string of bad relationships and bad men. You are the yard-stick by which all men she meet will be judged. She will never be able to get away from your memory and the life you had together.
Heh, string of bad relationships and men, hopefuly the rest won't be in the direct exposure of the kids as this one has been. If I'm her yard stick and Om is based on my criteria, who the hell is the Pollock in our former marriage? I thought it was me, but on that analogy I must be wrong. Better yet, sorry Sg, I just odn't see how that is being applied. That or her judgement as has been her standards have not been set very high.
Originally Posted By: Sgfan
You should let go of your lack of a sense of urgency to accomplish your XW's requests. You're holding on to it still and that means she still has power over you. Do what's right by you and people will notice your happiness.
I think you missed me, I don't do squat for XW at her request anymore, haven't in what a year and half? That's why I felt rejected and worthless, the thought that she had someone else to do that now. No, not anymore, and I won't allow the very thought that X has power over me, each and every time she may think she has found a new way, I will stand deteremined to make it known she doesn't.
Originally Posted By: Sgfan
Ugh! I really don't want to see my ex AT ALL. I just go an email from her stating that she has some of my stuff from my grandmother. I'm just going to tell her to mail it to me. This is just another ploy to try and be 'friends.' I will absolutely NOT tolerate cake-eating.
No kids, no need. Hell even tho we have kids, I have made it very clear, we don't have to be 'friends', just parents, nothing more, nothing less.
Me 35/XW 33 S13 & S12 M: 10/17/98 OM & S: 07/08 D final 06/09/09 12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing" 06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10 06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
It's understandable that you were feeling rejected about her not needing you to do anything to help her anymore because OM is there to those things. But, by your own admission, he is pretty well useless where the practical things are concerned. What exactly does he do?
In relation to that, not long after xh left I found that my gutters were totally clogged and I wasn't about to try climbing on the roof to clear them myself. I met a super nice man in my divorcecare group who is a firefighter. He and I worked something out in trade....he came to my house and cleared my gutters, brought his kids to play with Marc and I made him two homemade lasagna's (one for dinner that night, one that I froze for him to take home and cook later). Xh came by the house, wanted to 'do me a favor' and clear the gutters. HA! Joke on him! He wanted to know who did it for me and I just batted my eyes at him and told him "I have my ways." You should have seen the steam coming out of his ears!!
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
It's understandable that you were feeling rejected about her not needing you to do anything to help her anymore because OM is there to those things. But, by your own admission, he is pretty well useless where the practical things are concerned. What exactly does he do?
Ohhh, see that's still the mystery, sure everybody says she's with him because he's the exact opposite, got it whatever. But I still don't understand how and why? He doesn't do jack. Car breaks, somebody else has to come fix it. The putz couldn't even change the tire on a bicycle for pete's sake. So, no not just practical, everything. And if they think they are going to live in the middle of nowhere soon with him the man of the house, ohhh boy. He was a yutz answering phones for a private construction company that he now all the sudden thinks he's a carpenter for. LOL, I've seen his handy work, and how lon git holds up too.
Me 35/XW 33 S13 & S12 M: 10/17/98 OM & S: 07/08 D final 06/09/09 12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing" 06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10 06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
If I'm her yard stick and Om is based on my criteria, who the hell is the Pollock in our former marriage? I thought it was me, but on that analogy I must be wrong. Better yet, sorry Sg, I just odn't see how that is being applied. That or her judgement as has been her standards have not been set very high.
I think what SG was trying to say is that she's going to compare OM to you and they'll never match up and that's why she's going to regret what she's done.
Me:40 W: 39 T: 17 years M: 15 years S-9 D-6 D final 11/10/2009
"We are all faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as insoluble problems."
I think what SG was trying to say is that she's going to compare OM to you and they'll never match up and that's why she's going to regret what she's done.
Exactly! Maybe not right now, because she's still rebelling and will probably do so for a while. I'm not saying this will happen for sure, but in my experience, the WAW and the Om will eventually get fed up with the B/S. Either they will find another sucker or be forced to be alone and face what they have become and what they had. My XW is finally in this situation and contacting me regularly.
This does not mean we're on the road to reconciliation. But it means that she's starting to think more clearly. That a man will not solve her issues.
Formerly SGfan M:38 W:33 M:8 yrs T:10 yrs Bomb: Dec '08 Separated: 4/18/09 Divorce: 8/28/09 XW Affair began: April 08
Geez, took two days away and threads were already bumped back 3 pages, we finally have some traffic in here!
Anyway, been kind of under the weather a bit. Took the kids to the Cubs game last night, figured, rain all day long, game got in all of 3 innings and then was called. The boys did enjoy the little experience they had tho, especially S11 who proclaims himself a Sox fan.
XW was as delightful as ever when I picked them up. Zero conversation. And she even had bags made up for them. So I'm like "hello, they may be off on Friday, but I'm not!". Of which, they got their mid term grades. She clearly does not have it under control, S11 got a D and a F is Reading/English. Uggh, not good. He's been in trouble before with his grades, but not this bad. He thought I was going to yell at him. I kept it calm and cool and made my point, he was relieved and understood.
X did text a few times to see how it was going with the game. Nothing extravagent, but at least she showed curiosity in it. She was rather peechy when I dropped them off. Said she wanted to come off the porch and talk a bit, but it was raining and sha doesn't have a umbrella and only socks on, "sorry".
Boys were as usual upset, they jsut wanted to go home with me. Apparently it's another weekend downstate and they don't want to go. I'd sure love to bail them out of it, but can't afford it and well, Xw is gonna have to suck it up at some point that they don't like it there, especially now with ickey weather.
Sg, I've been up and down that road of 'regular contact' now at least 4 times. Just know it's a dark and curvey road and one wrong move and it's back to the hateful silence. I have a feeling that she'll probably take strides for bettering contact tho. Some thing really weird is going on over there and I'm not sure what. I'd suspect it's probably something to do with her father getting tired of loafing everybody through life. The boys did make some mentions of things getting tense when he's around. Oh well time shall tell.
Me 35/XW 33 S13 & S12 M: 10/17/98 OM & S: 07/08 D final 06/09/09 12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing" 06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10 06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
If I'm her yard stick and Om is based on my criteria, who the hell is the Pollock in our former marriage? I thought it was me, but on that analogy I must be wrong. Better yet, sorry Sg, I just odn't see how that is being applied. That or her judgement as has been her standards have not been set very high. 
You should have seen the steam coming out of his ears!! 
She clearly does not have it under control, S11 got a D and a F is Reading/English. Uggh, not good. He's been in trouble before with his grades, but not this bad. He thought I was going to yell at him. I kept it calm and cool and made my point, he was relieved and understood.