Forgive AND forget?

[BeingMe]

Hi WCW! Just gotta listen to friend and go with your gut. But, you probably know that.

[brandnewday]

Hi WCW.....

Just catching up on some threads as I don't really have time anymore to post much.

Kids are all back in school and I am keeping busy.

I caught your last post, the letter from your friend.

I think it takes alot of humility for someone to actually apologize like that, and for me, personally, alot of grace needs to be given in return.

I recently received a very long email from one of my step-mothers, (My dad is on wife #4). It was also an apology, but very heartfelt. I don't think anyone can fake those type of words.

I still don't trust her, but I am willing to forgive her and help her to heal.

Glad you are enjoying your wonderful horses, and that your Husband is still taking steps forwards.

(((((hugs)))))

[WCW]

Thanks ladies, the talk with friend went okay. She and her H are in couples therapy and individual counseling. She is recreating who she is after living in an abusive R with a manic depressive. She sounds like she's on the right trail.

On another note, it's a long story, but H and I traded cell phones today. We should both end up saving some money each month but still on our separate plans. One small step for coworking on financials...

[Between Tears]

Whoa.... you won't believe what went through my mind when I read you and H had traded phones.... LOL. I even dropped a chip down my shirt as I sat up to re-read what you had posted.

Okay, so you traded phones, but not numbers right? I was thinking now you were going to get his calls, and he, yours... and what a mess that would be.

Okay, I'm still wondering how do you save money by trading phones? I'm all ears now... I'm into the saving money thing, but of course, I have a family plan with the two kids.... and they are expensive little buggers too!

[WCW]

Aw, I hope you didn't lose a good chip!
Yes, we traded phones but not numbers.
There's been a glitch now as putting it all into place isn't working out the way customer support suggested it would.
H likes all the most up to date trinkets and phones but he was still in contract and couldn't upgrade without paying a bunch of money. I am out of contract.
So, he got a new phone with all the bells and whistles and modem capable for internet. He took my old plain phone to fulfill his contract and then he could switch numbers and cancel that 2nd line after 30 days. I got his old phone which is modem capable for internet. I could upgrade my plan, add the modem option, cancel my satellite internet, and save about $30 a month that way.
We spent a couple hours at the store and got it all switched around, H's options don't work! I don't understand it all and not sure how we'll end up yet. We may end up undoing it or changing it all around again.
Cell phone are frustrating and NOT friendly! Plus, I stupidly left my 'connection to the world' at work on the charger today so I feel sorta naked tonight!

BM, I assume you are on a family plan? do you check regularly for new options or bundles from various companies? everyone wants your business!

Still having fantastic weather! Upcoming GAL = horse camping, out of state show, clinic. H heard me on the phone with a friend about our schedule conflicts for an upcoming weekend. He offered that he would not be hunting that weekend and I could plan accordingly. He said he doesn't want to spend the money for the hunting trip. Hmm, it would sure be great if he would stop spending more often!

Gotta go drag home a load of hay.

[Between Tears]

Naw, didn't loose the chip, it landed exactly where everything else lands when I miss my mouth.... I swear I don't have a shirt without a stain in the same spot... =D

Cell phones are frustrating, especially when you can't afford the bill, oops! Did I say that out loud. I feel like I'm alone all of a sudden. It's going to be several weeks before I can afford to pay this last bill off.... I am looking for more work, or another job, because the job I have is not allowing me the freedom I once had with the other one. Yes, I do check frequently for upgrades and changes from the company I have now... which also happens to be the only one with coverage in town here..... think very rural.... deep in the sticks.

I'm glad you are having great weather, and horse camping sounds marvelous! The shows thing is just too stressful for me, even the small town thing for farm animals, I'm just not able to do it again, just not yet.

Hmmm, giving up hunting, now that sounds familiar... Dick gave up hunting too, after being an avid hunter all his life. Says venison taste nasty, when he'd 24/7 before. He said no sense killing something I'm not going to eat. I sure do miss the pheasant...

I bet hay is getting expensive, I don't envy you that detail at all. I loved cutting hay, it was a great smell, something I looked forward to. Getting it bailed before the rain was a pain from time to time, but that is another thing I truly miss about the farm.

Have a great weekend!

[WCW]

I get the rural part of cell phones, or internet, or fancy tv....any of the cheap specials aren't availabe in my corn field! I wish H and I could share a cell plan and save a bunch of money that way but it won't happen this time around. I always knew he was selfish but he can be a real jerk about it too!

H was a hunter before we got together (he says), then moving to this state was such a change he didn't care for it much and gradually dwindled to not at all. The last 3 to 4 years he picked it up again and is very avid again, locally and on trips. I am glad this time he canceled a costly trip, acknowledged he didn't have the money, and it was to accommodate my schedule too. I think that's a ......(drum roll)....baby step!

I do wonder what the heck I would do with all my time if I didn't have the land and livestock. I guess after my town work hours I'd have to find hobbies! What would it be like to not work and work and work? But I do love it here and I think I have an allergy to concrete and neighbors.

[WCW]

I was horse camping this weekend and had a GREAT time! Also heard stories of another M biting the dust, 20+ years and the 40something H moved out of the bedroom and stayed out in the bars, then started going home with ow 2 or 3 times a week. Maybe that isn't the correct sequence of events. sigh

I remember a few years ago H and I were in a restauraunt and the waitress ended up talking about her deadbeat boyfriend. I asked why she stayed with him, she was surprised I asked and said 'well, at least he doesn't beat me.'

I always think of that story when I compare my H to other H's. At least he doesn't...
We have such a long ways to go yet to have a real R.
We have another anniversary in a few days.

A friend stopped in to pick some of my wonderful apples while I was not home. I talked to her the next day and she said she talked to H and asked him how he and I were doing. He told her we were doing good. I suppose, what else would he tell her? - how about this - 5 years ago I started sleeping on the couch while I was hooked up with ow and looking for my own place, and now it's so comfortable that I'm still there.

H calls me a few times during the week. Sometimes to ask me to do something, sometimes to share information. I am grateful for the contact, but I am mixed about his requests of me. I want to be more than a gopher or checkbook to pick supplies. Yet it is a connection coming back between us and I think I have to keep my mindset as such.

Then I did something today I haven't done in a long time. I heard a 'trigger' song on the radio and acted on impulse and I called H. Left a voicemail with a little bit of a mushy message saying remember when....? H won't make any acknowledgement of my message, no expectations there!

If I ask for a hug H will hug back but usually have something to say that he is late and has to go. That is still an improvement over the 'hug a tree' or limp fish he gave for so long.
I really am feeling like I've gotten so used to this stage we are in that I don't even realize how comfortable I am now by going without the fairy tale I had. I suppose I need to figure out what steps to take if any? but first I have to finish the show and trailride/camping season.

It finally quit pouring outside, guess I better get to work!

[Between Tears]

I just don't know honey.... I've seen many marriages with no more than you have today, and they keep on plugging on, sad but true.

Is it our expectations that have us feeling glum when we don't have the fairytale?

Do men and women really belong together for life? Or is it just proof our Creator has a warped sense of humor?

Acknowledging the fact the only thing you (or I) have control over, is how we accept our life and those around us, means you can't just wiggle your nose and blink your eyes and have him change back to the man in the fairytale.....

I guess it's time for you to focus on the blessings you do have in your life.

Okay, so things aren't perfect, but he thinks things are okay.... he's not slinging mud at you while talking to your friends.

You've got the GAL down, and you seem to enjoy all that you have within it. Sure it's lonely, but the good thing, you are busy!

He did give up that hunting trip.... okay, mixed feelings, but you are cool with it.

He is in contact with you, and sure it may feel like your a gopher, however, maybe it was just an excuse to reach out to you.... he just hasn't realized it yet.

He's still there and at least he doesn't beat you..... argh, can you believe that poor woman thought that! Yikes!

[WCW]

I think there is a book - Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay. I had it once, I should check it out at the library again. sigh. I guess mostly I just blabber here as a way to release. H has made enough of a comeback that I'm not intending to run away now. I just hope it's not a trick.

Last night we had a meeting to attend. We went separate, H arrived first, and when I walked in I sat by some other friends. At the end of the night I was at the door ready to leave and was stopped by someone to talk, H saw that and quickly gathered his things to get to the door too. Then another friend joked to H how we were just like her and her H, show up separate and don't sit together. A few minutes later H walked out with me and loudly invited me to stop for a bite to eat with him before we drove home.

Here's some 'it don't matter' snooping, sort of! Remember I have H's old phone. In it is all of H's contacts. That includes ow too. What I've just figured out is that when I pull up someone from the contacts log it shows the last time there was a connection to that number. There is no history for ow. Sure H could have deleted it but he didn't delete other stuff. Sure there is plenty other ways to make contact so I won't fall into a false sense of security. My gut has said for quite a while the ow is not a threat. Yet H won't reengage to our M, that's the frustrating part. blah blah blah!