He thanked me for being patient about his pictures of OW. He said that I could have done something catty with them, but I hadn't and he appreciated that. I shrugged and nodded. I started to say that I wasn't that way, but he said it for me.
H: You're not that way. I know you're not. Thank you anyways, tho.
The trouble with having an open mind is that people put things in it.
My sitch - Divorce Busted! http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1804137#Post1804137
Awwwwwwwww--sweetie, that was so hard to hear! You did great. You responded perfectly--and he noticed.
Just a thought--even though you symbolize the conflict he's feeling, he still keeps coming home to you, and not staying away. And certainly seems to enjoy the time you spend together!
Hang in there. He knows you've changed. Now it's his turn.
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
Hey, the mere fact he brought up the R talk is a milestoen in itself. View it as a possible positive step, and keep doing what you are doing. Based on his comments, it's obviously working.
Oh, and on the issue of breaking OW's heart, H has a child with YOU. H has a family with YOU. I don't think it's a close race b/w you and OW, but even if it were a tie, YOU should get the tie breaker.
I was also thinking about why he brought up OW and how it would be bad to break her heart. The fact he brought this up as a possibility means he's giving it thought. Give him the room to make the right decision and keep being the new Dia.
I haven't checked in for a bit due my H finding the site on Saturday, panic stations.
I think it is all going really well for you Dia, it's like chipping away at stone to reveal something precious that is hidden but you are well on your way to discovering what you have been working towards.
FWIW, I think he brought up breaking up w/ OW because he knows he's going to do it/ is at the point of doing it and he wants me to realize how serious this all is.
Now that a bit of time has passed, I'm ok with the convo. It went fabulously.
The trouble with having an open mind is that people put things in it.
My sitch - Divorce Busted! http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1804137#Post1804137
FWIW, I think he brought up breaking up w/ OW because he knows he's going to do it/ is at the point of doing it and he wants me to realize how serious this all is.
I agree. I just didn't want to buttress an expectation. Nothing wrong with having a goal, just dont allow that expectation to creep in.
I wonder if hes just going over his next steps out loud, you know?
I agree that it went well. I wonder what kind of fallout there will be when he does break it off. Im sure that emotionally, it will be a difficult time for him. But its just part of something that needs to happen on your path!
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
GIMA and Blue - yep, agree wholeheartedly. The break-up will suck for all of us but esp. for the two of them.
In his initial salvo for the R talk, he said that if any of his friends had gone through what he'd gone through and was considering getting back together with his wife, H would advise them against it. Then he told me that he'd been done with me.
I just nodded quietly and kept listening. There were a few stings for me in that convo, but nothing I didn't already know, ya know? And at least so far, he's been easier on me than I have been on myself. Having come through the things *I've* said to me over all of this, what he's got to say seems mild by comparison.
The trouble with having an open mind is that people put things in it.
My sitch - Divorce Busted! http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1804137#Post1804137
Third night in the master bed. Looks like I am off the couch. He stayed up very late trying to get his game ready to launch today so there was very minimal cuddling when he came to bed.
It's possible I may end up back there for a night or three as he processes the breakup with OW (whenever that happens). Either way, I gotta tell you how much nicer it is sleeping in a real bed and having my H warm next to me.
The trouble with having an open mind is that people put things in it.
My sitch - Divorce Busted! http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1804137#Post1804137
H is off to work, having given me access to the new game before he left. He was up til 3, so either he's blotto tired or he's in a bit of a pullback, or both. They'd all be understandable given the sitch.
I'll handle it lightly - be there if he wants/needs emotional support but genreally giving him space and letting him come to me.
Since the mini R-talk, he has been much freer with small signs of affection and future statements. It's very reassuring.
I did, however, have a whiff of WAWness as I settled into the master bed to read before I went to sleep. Since we didn't talk about any of my concerns in the R talk, they remain unacknowledged and unresolved. I am very willing to wait and be patient, but in the moment, they niggled a bit. In part, the niggle was due to being alone in the bed while H was on his computer and not knowing how soon he'd come to bed, how I would be treated when he did, etc. - very much a replay of the old tapes. There was a hint of feeling trapped in an R where everything has been labeled as "My Fault".
I acknowledged the feelings and let go of them. They're normal and they will pass. Patience. We'll get to my stuff eventually.
The trouble with having an open mind is that people put things in it.
My sitch - Divorce Busted! http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1804137#Post1804137
Looks like I am off the couch. He stayed up very late trying to get his game ready to launch today so there was very minimal cuddling when he came to bed.