Not a whole lot to talk about today. I went for a 4 mile run after work. Grilled some hotdogs. Did some laundry. And thats about it. Nada contact with W.
I feel good. A bit lonely, but not the depressive lonely, just the "it would be nice to share this wonderful night with someone" lonely.
I wanted to chime in on the dating issue. I don't know what's right for you. But do you imagine that with your wife having a boyfriend that she isn't still in contact with him. Yes, she misses her family, she doesn't like that the girls are being impacted by this, and she probably does have moments of second thoughts. The hardest thing about all of this is that she's still connected to you and you seem so close.
My relationship was that way also. We saw each other a lot. We went out to eat. We bought presents for each other on b-days. We went to movies together. I heard the same indecisiveness from my wife (including some of the more wacky things and my wife DOES NOT have a psychiatric disorder). There are oddities in many of these situations. And guess what? She had someone else in her life and while I was sitting there thinking she was considering a repeat relationship with me, she was going strong with someone else (fortunately just a long distance EA). I couldn't know what she was thinking, but I sure perseverated about what my actions meant to her. She maybe cared less...who knows.
We divorced despite the seeming positivity to by situation. So I let go. I dated. I enjoyed the feeling that I was worth something in someone else's eyes. I was a reasonable catch. Maybe you aren't ready to date and I think that's fine, but you sure as sh$t better let go of the rope and let her live her life while you live yours without any expectation that she'll ever return. You have to live as though she isn't coming back. You have to let go of the rope. She needs to at least sense that you a strong and confident enough to date. Enjoy women flirting with you rather than let it make you feel uncomfortable. For too long you've made it abundantly clear that you are waiting at home for her to return to it.
And yes, I'm back together with my wife and re-married. It came under her own time Of course I dated whether I wanted her back or not. You can't hold your breath that your wife will come back. Live your life. As I said before, it doesn't have to include dating but it should include putting yourself out there and enjoying your life.
You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with. Dr. Wayne Dyer
I wanted to chime in on the dating issue. I don't know what's right for you. But do you imagine that with your wife having a boyfriend that she isn't still in contact with him. Yes, she misses her family, she doesn't like that the girls are being impacted by this, and she probably does have moments of second thoughts. The hardest thing about all of this is that she's still connected to you and you seem so close.
My relationship was that way also. We saw each other a lot. We went out to eat. We bought presents for each other on b-days. We went to movies together. I heard the same indecisiveness from my wife (including some of the more wacky things and my wife DOES NOT have a psychiatric disorder). There are oddities in many of these situations. And guess what? She had someone else in her life and while I was sitting there thinking she was considering a repeat relationship with me, she was going strong with someone else (fortunately just a long distance EA). I couldn't know what she was thinking, but I sure perseverated about what my actions meant to her. She maybe cared less...who knows.
We divorced despite the seeming positivity to by situation. So I let go. I dated. I enjoyed the feeling that I was worth something in someone else's eyes. I was a reasonable catch. Maybe you aren't ready to date and I think that's fine, but you sure as sh$t better let go of the rope and let her live her life while you live yours without any expectation that she'll ever return. You have to live as though she isn't coming back. You have to let go of the rope. She needs to at least sense that you a strong and confident enough to date. Enjoy women flirting with you rather than let it make you feel uncomfortable. For too long you've made it abundantly clear that you are waiting at home for her to return to it.
And yes, I'm back together with my wife and re-married. It came under her own time Of course I dated whether I wanted her back or not. You can't hold your breath that your wife will come back. Live your life. As I said before, it doesn't have to include dating but it should include putting yourself out there and enjoying your life.
Thank you PD. I agree with this whole-heartedly. I am trying very hard to drop the rope. I am going out tonight to a get-together with other single parents. I am very nervous and conflicted about it, but it seems like a reasonable first step to moving on with my life. It is great that you remarried! How long did it take before your W realized you weren't so bad after all. What happened?
PD. Have you been following along? Have I been handling myself OK since the seperation? Should have I talked to her on the phone the other night after it was obvious that she just wanted to talk?
Since the separation you haven't been too bad. Before that I felt you weren't being confident and strong enough.
Things I would change: 1) She can express that she is having a hard time, but from now on you aren't "surviving", "hanging in there", or other versions of weak. You are good or great.
2) Try a little more being unavailable, even if it's just going to the gym or a walk.
As for the talk...I would DEFINITELY say that you did fine letting her talk. Women connect (fairly frequently) through expressing their feelings and being HEARD. Keep being understanding and a good listener. DON'T be in the habit of bailing her out though. Listen, understand, and symphatize. Don't suggest how she can fix her problems. Let her get off the phone feeling a "high" from having venting to you.
You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with. Dr. Wayne Dyer
If it's any consolation, even when your spouse wants to be in the marriage there are plenty of bad times....don't just remember it fondly or think that it will all be rosy now that you are so smart about relationships.
You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with. Dr. Wayne Dyer
If it's any consolation, even when your spouse wants to be in the marriage there are plenty of bad times....don't just remember it fondly or think that it will all be rosy now that you are so smart about relationships.
Thank you Phoenixdeux. It is good to get feedback. I find myself second guessing myself a lot. And I really don't think I am that smart about relationships yet. But I am learning a lot; everyone here is great.
If you live your life for your own reason as well as you can, without worrying about how it affects your wife, you won't have any reason to second guess yourself. You are still playing the game of "if I do this, what will she do". I think you are past that point and to the point of just doing your own thing for your own reasons. She wanted out...why should it matter what she thinks about you?
You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with. Dr. Wayne Dyer
