Am I nuts to think that doing someone's laundry while they are with OW and living under the same roof with you is a reasonable thing to take issue with?
I have to admit, this thread confuses me.
If it's working (which it still seems to be, things are moving in the right direction), don't stop. Keep the goal in mind.
Am I nuts to think that doing someone's laundry while they are with OW and living under the same roof with you is a reasonable thing to take issue with?
I have to admit, this thread confuses me.
Believe me, I hear you. And that's WHY I had an issue with it.
But I'm supposed to experiment and see what works, right? So I'm experimenting. We'll see if it works.
<cue Folger's commercial>
We've secretly replaced H's WAW with a hardcore DBer instead. Let's see if he notices!
The trouble with having an open mind is that people put things in it.
My sitch - Divorce Busted! http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1804137#Post1804137
The goal is to re-entwine our lives and foster partnership. He needed help. I offered. I delievered. Now we'll see what he does.
Keep in mind that there is an impending R talk which I think will happen this weekend, and I have been pretty much told that this talk will deliver the keys to a renewed sex life and a ticket off the couch. And yes, on my end that does mean no more OW for him - else Dia stays on the couch and fixes him crow instead of chicken for supper.
The trouble with having an open mind is that people put things in it.
My sitch - Divorce Busted! http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1804137#Post1804137
It's an act of trust and choosing to love. Without trust and love, the house that is your marriage cannot stand. But that doesn't mean you have to do it silently. It's OK to let him know that you are doing it as such.
Things that would raise my hackles in other sitches don't in Dia's sitch, because the past seems pretty murky,meaning, plenty of faults and infidelities to go around. And if it takes one person a little bit longer to pull his head out of the rabbit hole, well, that's not entirely unreasonable. Plus, the movement in their general relationship dynamic seems so very very positive and not like standard cake-eating somehow.
Dia, I would do what the spirit moves you to do, erring on the side of love, compassion, and generosity *at least* until after The Talk. Then, when at least you have some mutual agreement on what the level of committment to the marriage is, you can worry about division of labor and other boundaries then.
Stay the course, girlie. If anything were to go pear-shaped now, you'd be hurt badly. That's a fact; accept it. Don't let your nerves cause *you* to pull away against your overall intention.
"Show me a completely smooth operation and I'll show you someone who's covering mistakes. Real boats rock." -- Frank Herbert
If anything were to go pear-shaped now, you'd be hurt badly. That's a fact; accept it.
Yep, in for a penny, in for a pound. Might as well be hung for a sheep as a lamb, and all those other platitudes. I knew the risks, so if I get hurt - well, I knew the risks.
There's a saying in Portuguese - I may have already quoted it here? - that goes like this:
Ha quem nao ama por medo de sofrer e passa a vida toda sofrendo por medo de amar.
or
Those who will not love for fear of suffering spend their entire lives suffering in fear of love.
Last edited by Dia; 09/17/0911:30 PM.
The trouble with having an open mind is that people put things in it.
My sitch - Divorce Busted! http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1804137#Post1804137
