One thing you should focus on is accepting this truth: You, alone, are responsible for your happiness. Not H, not kids, not dog, not cat. YOU.
My dog would disagree. Phoebe the Wonder Lab was my secret weapon for PMA.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
I royally screwed things up and didn't really get it until I almost lost him. How do I ever forgive myself for that? How do I care for myself when I'm so mad at myself? I guess this is my big growth lesson.
"Hope, I forgive Hope." You can't change the past.
One of my favorite quotes from here is about forgiveness. And it was that "Forgiveness means giving up all hope of a better past." Learn from your past, but let it go.
Quote:
And yet, I need to be ok no matter what. I know this. It's as hard for me as it is for any of us on this board.
This is a process and it takes time. You need patience in many areas of your life right now.
Hope,
Early on in my sitch I too struggled with these types of feelings. GIMA hit the nail on the head with the post above. You have to process the mistakes on your part, learn from them, resolve to not make the same mistake twice and then forgive yourself.
BTW, I'm glad to hear you had a good night last night with your H. You are right about the path to a man's heart being through his stomach. That is certainly the case with me! I'm a big pie lover myself too!
M: 41 W: 39 S: 11 S: 10 D: 4 1st contact w/OM: 1/19/09 EA began: 2/14/09 EA discovered: 3/1/09 I file for D 8/25/09 to protect myself _______________________________
Yeah, BJ, then he retreated to his back room and ignored me all night. It was depressing - I kinda thought after the warm pie night we'd sit on the couch and watch a show...
Tonight is his "night off" from our S which means he is at his apt. not here. I never get calls from him on his off nights. He called and I got all excited - only for him to say he needed to come over to get some papers to give the lawyer.
I'm so depressed and sad today! Just like a slug. Don't enjoy most of the time with him,(it's up and down) don't enjoy time alone. I mean I do enjoy time alone, it's just I feel so sad and worried that it's all over and wish he was pursuing me! I've never ever been the one to be pursued. I always pursue until dumped. That's why I'm here. All this detachment stuff and doing for me - it's all new. Healthy, I suppose, but hard. I want my H to come running back and throw his arms around me!
Yeah, he came home and criticized like three things - but at least he did that calmly. And we hugged good bye. Ugh then he went back to his apt. I DO NOT LIKE THIS. I DO NOT LIKE HIM HAVING ANOTHER APT AND I DO NOT LIKE HIM COMING OVER HERE TO GET PAPERS TO FILE LEGAL SEPARATION.
Over the depression. Got up and out early and working on garden. Like my M, feels like a huge overwhelming pile of weeds and thorns that I'll never get through. Must keep at it. *sigh*
I feel your pain, and I am so sorry that you're going through all of this.
I have really been trying to switch my mindset to more of a "it must be horrible to be in her(W's)shoes." It would be horrible to find yourself so unhappy with your life one day. You'd know what you're doing goes against your wedding vows, will break up your family, hurt your children, devistate the spouse that loves you, cost you your home and financial stability. Yet, something is making them feel that they need to go. They're fighting fear of being unhappy forever. They're fighting the feeling that they will never find happiness within their families. They feel that happiness is awaiting them somewhere "out there" and we are in the way.
Then once in a while, just once in a while, they start to miss us. They sniff back around for a few minutes. Maybe it feels good then scares them. Maybe they're so sensitive at this point that a certain tone of voice sets them off.
What a horrible place they are in. Can you imagine?
(With that said...I want to go file myself this week and just be done with her. Hopefully this will pass.)
Me: 35 W: 31 S:9 M: 10 years Together 13 MySitch - Ups & Downs She moved out the day before Thanksgiving 2009, over 13 months post-bomb.
