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Originally Posted By: tristan
Rob,

I feel fine, thank you. I talked to IC today and told him that I had signed up for a "Single Parents Group" online. I then mentioned that I felt a little uncomfortable about it after receiving several responses (all from women) saying things similiar to "Can't wait to meet you!" He thought it was a good idea to go to the events; saying I can't isolate myself while also mentioning that I will be vulnerable and to be careful.

So it may not be dating, but it is socializing with the opposite sex. For now, I would say it is a happy medium.

Gotta go pick up the girls.


Tristen,
Let me know how the single parents group works out. I've started to sign up for a group like this but, just can't pull the triger.


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Originally Posted By: robx

Tristan, from now on call me "Rob", no need to add the x anymore, my name isn't Malcolm ;-)


But there are so many Robs and only one Robx.


Me: 36, W: 33, M: 10 yrs
Bomb: 1/09, Seperated: 9/09, Piecing Begins: 10/09

My story: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...t=91&page=1
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Originally Posted By: breakaway

BTW, I don't think you're a control freak either, tristan.


Thank you. But do you really think you know me well enough to say that ;-)

Originally Posted By: breakaway

There are small tyrants everywhere, ever been to a PTA meeting? lol.


Nope, but I am going to my first tomorrow.

BTW I've missed you here breakaway. Thanks for stopping by.


Me: 36, W: 33, M: 10 yrs
Bomb: 1/09, Seperated: 9/09, Piecing Begins: 10/09

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Originally Posted By: tristan
Hmmmm, don't I get a little more time than a week to come up with a plan for my life after my wife walks out on me?


nope. the longer you wait the lower your chances of success.

Originally Posted By: tristan
That was it for our communication today. Strange how things change in a week.


things had changed along time ago you just didnt notice. DAM.

Originally Posted By: tristan
So it may not be dating, but it is socializing with the opposite sex. For now, I would say it is a happy medium.


realize you will need to start dating your wife again to reconcile. you cannot just walk back into your old marriage and why the hell would you. you are going to need to court her again. and you don't remember how to. Social Interaction. LOL.

Hitting the "jealousy button" would be a winning option in your situation. Imagine this scenerio:

daughter: Mommy we got new friends.
wife: oh really?
daughter: yeah, Daddy's friend Jolene has 2 girls too, we go to the park, and for ice cream, they come over and watch movies and we went out to red robins for dinner friday night and we stayed up past midnight playing.
wife: oh! $hit. this isnt what i planned for. it didnt take him little over a week to come up with a plan to move on with his life after I walked out on him. and this other guy his feet smell.

Quote:
Dolly Parton:

And I can easily understand
How you could easily take my man
But you dont know what he means to me, jolene

Jolene, jolene, jolene, jolene
Im begging of you please dont take my man
Jolene, jolene, jolene, jolene
Please dont take him just because you can

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just a quick note to remind y'all that the Jolenes of the world have feelings too. So while you guys want to press your wives' jealousy buttons by using single moms and their kids, well...keep that in mind. I personally don't think you should date someone unless you are actually interested in that person, not as a tool to make your wife jealous.


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Originally Posted By: breakaway
just a quick note to remind y'all that the Jolenes of the world have feelings too. So while you guys want to press your wives' jealousy buttons by using single moms and their kids, well...keep that in mind. I personally don't think you should date someone unless you are actually interested in that person, not as a tool to make your wife jealous.


It isn't fair to the kids either. They get 2 new friends this week and then lose them when it inevitably doesn't work out. I am not ready to date.

I am going to get decked up, look good, act confident, be attractive, converse and hope women notice. That is all I need to boost my ego. I have enough drama in my life, I don't need anymore.

I don't want my wife to come back because of jealousy. When I am ready to date, I will file.

By the way, I know a lot of you are telling me that my W is lying to me and maybe she is. But right now, I don't see what good it does to not trust her.

Last edited by tristan; 09/16/09 01:35 PM.

Me: 36, W: 33, M: 10 yrs
Bomb: 1/09, Seperated: 9/09, Piecing Begins: 10/09

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Tristan, whatever is wrong with your wife, she is not emotionally healthy. That means it's doubly important for YOU to be emotionally healthy, for your kids' sake. They already are going to have to deal with whatever chaos is going to come from your wife, especially if she does continue in a R with the OM and they have that to deal with.

So, I have to disagree with SmQ..I mean do your kids really need to have an OW to go with an OM? That's disgusting. Are you going to teach them to respect marriage or not? Until you are divorced, they should not see you dating. This is all very confusing to children. Getting together with a group for social interaction is one thing, but what's being suggested is some kind of juvenile "fight fire with fire" attitude that is not the mark of a mature man. Last time I checked, none of us were in high school.

It's nice to be flattered to raise our self-esteem, but trying to raise your testosterone by getting involved with other women is JUVENILE. Self-worth has to come from within, not from flirting. That's only as good as the last encounter. Also, you could end up, in the state you are in now, falling for someone, and wouldn't THAT be a fine kettle of fish for you to be in. You have enough problems with your family.

Work on you, go to your IC, build yourself. Don't play games. Games are for emotionally UNhealthy people. Get healthy. Look at why you were attracted to someone like your wife in the first place. Not just everyone is attracted to borderline type women. Find out why you are, ESPECIALLY before you spend significant time with other women. What is it about YOU that is drawn to someone like that.

Your children need you to be rock-solid right now. I know it's hard, and it sucks, but it's the truth. If you want to be a "real man" then be a great dad.


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Originally Posted By: tristan
Originally Posted By: breakaway
just a quick note to remind y'all that the Jolenes of the world have feelings too. So while you guys want to press your wives' jealousy buttons by using single moms and their kids, well...keep that in mind. I personally don't think you should date someone unless you are actually interested in that person, not as a tool to make your wife jealous.


It isn't fair to the kids either. They get 2 new friends this week and then lose them when it inevitably doesn't work out. I am not ready to date.

I am going to get decked up, look good, act confident, be attractive, converse and hope women notice. That is all I need to boost my ego. I have enough drama in my life, I don't need anymore.

I don't want my wife to come back because of jealousy. When I am ready to date, I will file.

By the way, I know a lot of you are telling me that my W is lying to me and maybe she is. But right now, I don't see what good it does to not trust her.


oops! cross post! I see you already get what I'm saying. But at least others can read that and maybe think about it.


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Originally Posted By: breakaway


oops! cross post! I see you already get what I'm saying. But at least others can read that and maybe think about it.


You say it much better than I anyway. Thanks.


Me: 36, W: 33, M: 10 yrs
Bomb: 1/09, Seperated: 9/09, Piecing Begins: 10/09

My story: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...t=91&page=1
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Originally Posted By: breakaway
Look at why you were attracted to someone like your wife in the first place. Not just everyone is attracted to borderline type women.


Hi breakaway.

Is there a reason you used borderline here instead of bipolar? Have you been following this thread?

Just wondering
- T


Me: 36, W: 33, M: 10 yrs
Bomb: 1/09, Seperated: 9/09, Piecing Begins: 10/09

My story: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...t=91&page=1
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