Wow! I've been gone for 4 days visiting my daughter in her new home with no internet, so I missed all of this. I agree with the others, don't share the depth of the garbage. It is harmful. I remember you said that your wife's family talked aobut the one person who is not there when they get together. And you said your family is different. No they aren't. You just haven't been privy to your mother talking behind your back. So now you see it.
Your father sounds like the reasonable one who can explain to your mother that, as the mother, she needs to stop this behavior now. She is driving your family away and she can only end up hurting herself. So, if she wants to see your family in the future, she needs to get over it. Period. And all the siblings need to reinforce it. That is the message the rest of the family needs to convey to her. Sometimes people grow old without ever growing up.
Your father is sounds like the reasonable one who can explain to your mother that, as the mother, she needs to stop this behavior now. She is driving your family away and she can only end up hurting herself. So, if she wants to see your family in the future, she needs to get over it. Period. And all the siblings need to reinforce it. That is the message the rest of the family needs to convey to her. Sometimes people grow old without ever growing up.
Mrs. Thinker had a death in her family today - a cousin. The funeral is scheduled for Saturday, Mrs. Thinker is torn and struggling - attend the funeral? or attend Retrouvaille?
I am checking into the details of postponing Retrouvaille.
Me 42, W 39, S8, S6, S2 M 11y, A & ILYBNILWY 11/08 Walking away from a bad situation.
Let her decide. Support her decision. Be on the side of her feelings. Understand, validate and defend her position. Be there for her. I think you know this Think.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Done. Tough situation for Mrs. Thinker, easy decision for me.
I told her how sorry I was and that I would support her however she wanted to handle the weekend. I also told her that I had already checked and we would be able to postpone Retro if that is what she wanted to do.
She want's to postpone so I'm now calling around to make the arrangements.
Next step - travel arrangements to get her to the funeral. Also told her not to worry about the kids, etc - "Just go - I'll handle it here."
3 days 24 days until Retrouvaille
Last edited by Thinker; 09/15/0907:41 PM.
Me 42, W 39, S8, S6, S2 M 11y, A & ILYBNILWY 11/08 Walking away from a bad situation.
You have made tremendous progress in the last month or so. Glad you could find another Retrouvaille weekend so soon. You guys are going to be just fine!
Did she seem to appreciate your handling of this? Just curious.
You are definitely being tested but you seem to be passing.
You know, that is one of the things that has always bothered me.
One of my LL's is WOA - and Mrs. Thinker is horrible at that. She is very quick to criticize (or worse, to ridicule if she get's nervous) but I don't remember the last time the thanked me for doing something for her. The little things, Yes. If I bring her a cup of coffee, she says "Thank You", but the big things? The times where I free up a weekend so she can go do something by herself, or go out of my way to handle something for her - Never a word in return.
Maybe that's just part of being a WAS. It's definitely something I'll bring into any serious reconciliation discussions.
Me 42, W 39, S8, S6, S2 M 11y, A & ILYBNILWY 11/08 Walking away from a bad situation.
