Thank you for the props and good wishes. I have a cold I caught from kidlet, felt it come on round supper last night. Bleah. Good visit with my grandfather, though. Not looking forward to the 4 hr drive back home.
Here are a few snippets of conversation from cuddle-night.
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Right when I got into bed, H pulling me close.
H: I haven't let myself hold you.
Dia: I didn't want to push.
H: Thank you for giving me my space.
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On not ML that night
H: That should wait... after some wakeful exchanges.
1) So we *will* be making love.
2) There's an R talk coming.
3) He's confident and in control. Good. -----------------------
H: Don't worry about leaving me with bad feelings. I know you worry about doing the right thing. You did the right thing.
(No clue, actually. Leaving him?? Maybe he's telling me not to worry about him feeling bad for dumping OW? Not sure she's been dumped, btw. Maybe he means don't feel bad about taking him away from her? Will have to find out what this meant.)
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There were no "I love yous" and no kissing on the mouth. Plenty of little kisses on the shoulder, cheek, forehead, eyes, etc. I am hoping this means he wants to take it slow, open up slowly, etc. However, I need to make very certain it isn't a "Pretty Woman"-style 'no kissing because this is just sex' thing. I am nobody's f-toy (ok, a little f-toy action is just fine IF the marriage is close and intact ). I am not interested in a booty call, a sympathy F or 'divorce sex'. It's gotta be all or nothing.
I am actually looking forward to the R talk. It will be nice to know exactly where things stand, wherever that may be.
Also, one of the things I have been processing is the very high degree of differentiation (a la Schnarch) he showed during the whole thing. Don't get me wrong. This is not bad; just... new and unusual. If he's where I think he is, we will be negotiating a whole new, very grown-up marriage that is very different from 'two kids in love' - which is what we were.
I have been finding this thought very sobering. I'm not afraid of it. It's just - the Universe appears to be on the cusp of giving me the thing I have wanted for at least the last 5 years or so, maybe more (like maybe most of my marriage?). It isn't going to be easy, and there's a certain weightiness to it. (i.e. Don't screw it up!) That's sobering!!
And, one last little tidbit...
During the night, new kitty horked copiously all over the rug. H cleaned it up, and I apologized profusely.
H: Oh, it's ok. I don't mind taking care of them. Besides, now he's my kitty, too.
(italics added)
Ok, that one gave me goosebumps.
Last edited by Dia; 09/13/0904:13 PM.
The trouble with having an open mind is that people put things in it.
My sitch - Divorce Busted! http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1804137#Post1804137
I don't think you have anything to worry about in that exchange. "Leaving him with bad feelings" might simply mean your visit to your grandfather, or it might be a general "I don't have bad feelings about this."
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
Dia every time I read your post it gives me hope that one day, my H might come home again! Im so pleased for you, you certainly deserve it to all come right now! (()) for the cold.
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
). I am not interested in a booty call, a sympathy F or 'divorce sex'. It's gotta be all or nothing.