Thanks Oz and Cas ... I am in a quandry and don't know which way to turn next.
I sent a text last night and said that I would appreciate it if he could get the information re the insurance to me ASAP - that was all.
I got up this morning to an email, which he must have sent immediately upon getting the text, to say that he can't do it until Monday. Now, this leaves me with two anxieties.
1) H is evidently interstate visiting ow this weekend, which has just raised my nausea level into overdrive once again. I was coping with not knowing which weeekends he was away but this has shaken me for the day.
2) I want him to stop indicating when he's with ow as it makes me feel so bad. If I tell him to stop, he will know it's getting to me and that will knock me off my 'in control and don't care' perch.
So, how do I move forward from here? I think that to continue nc for a while may be OK as it did flush him out to ask about discussing the finances, which he has not followed up on.
Monday will see him give me the insurance details but I don't know how to answer his email. He followed up by asking "what's up - someone bump you?" ...
He's obviously content enough that I am not hurt and yet doesn't care enough to put himself out any further than that.
Maybe I just don't answer but sit this one out and wait ... when he sends the details, just thank him for having done so. That would be mysterious but is it right ... I don't know?
I just wish that I could get over my intense jealous rages and control my desire to shake the living bones out of him and tell him to grow up and come home to where his REAL love is waiting to get things back on the right tracks. I am so angry and sad all rolled in to one today - and I woke up feeling like I was going to have a good day!
Answers welcome, PLEASE! Gucci, if you are out there .... !
.... and as an after thought, which is even more sickening, this also means that H would have been with ow on our Wedding Anniversary, equally as he was with her on my birthday. I'm getting so enraged and it's about time that I blasted him. It's like he's taking everything that is precious to me/us and tearing it apart in front of my face. His cruel actions are so alien and yet he knows that he will be getting a rise out of me. The worst thing is, I can do nothing to stop him.
Last edited by Eskimo Nell; 09/13/0912:55 AM.
WAH 43; W 47 M 16; T 17 Cats 15 & 6 Bomb 27/05/09 ow 28/06/09
"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"
He followed up by asking "what's up - someone bump you?" ...
What does that mean?
With regard to getting back to you Monday I know that it hurts that H is with OW but I'm not sure what else he was supposed to answer. It seems like he was being courteous telling you he can't do it until Monday. This might actually be your issue more than his and I can understand why. However, you can't really say anything to him about it because it shows you are rattled and in reality he hasn't said he is with ow, you have presumed it.
You are right Cas - but in your own heart you know, don't you? If he was not away, I know that he would have done this for me straight off.
The quote means "has someone hit your car".
I do hear you in that he was being courteous but it's the whole message which is now eating at me. I'm just not coping well today. I'm so angry and frustrated with the life he is currently living - I'm so fed up of being on my own and I want this whole thing to be over ... I just want my H to come home.
WAH 43; W 47 M 16; T 17 Cats 15 & 6 Bomb 27/05/09 ow 28/06/09
"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"
I want him to stop indicating when he's with ow as it makes me feel so bad. If I tell him to stop, he will know it's getting to me and that will knock me off my 'in control and don't care' perch.
Exactly. What the hell do you care? She can have him. Look what kind of a man she's getting.
Originally Posted By: Eskimo
Maybe I just don't answer but sit this one out and wait ... when he sends the details, just thank him for having done so. That would be mysterious but is it right ... I don't know?
I'm not gucci, but I am a follower. I would think just reply. "No one bumped me. Monday will be fine. Thanks."
Originally Posted By: Eskimo
I just wish that I could get over my intense jealous rages and control my desire to shake the living bones out of him and tell him to grow up and come home to where his REAL love is waiting to get things back on the right tracks.
Oh well, his loss Nell. Know your value.
Originally Posted By: EskimoNell
If Answers welcome, PLEASE! Gucci, if you are out there .... !
I've been copying some of my favorite gucci posts. Here's one that might help you:
Originally Posted By: gucci loafer
I think you know how, but don't have the confidence that he will actually chase you if you showed him the attitude of .... "Who needs this? Not me, find someone else that will let you treat them like crap.. not me, I am not wasting one SECOND more on a man who can't be true and faithful.. ta ta"...
You can't see the strength in that? The reason it makes you MORE attractive? That if he would let you go, that you really DO NOT need that from a man? Self esteem and confidence will do wonders for how you think about these things
Originally Posted By: Nell
I'm getting so enraged and it's about time that I blasted him. His cruel actions are so alien and yet he knows that he will be getting a rise out of me.
Do NOT blast him Nell. It makes you look weak and shows you even care. He thinks he will get a rise out of you. When he can't he will wonder what is going on with you.
Nell, another one of my random thoughts. My H loves his kids, there's no doubt about that but he really has minimal contact with them, often just weekly dinner and in the beginning not even that. He's just in this incredibly selfish mode. Now if your H is anything like this you might get some insight into his minimal contact of you.
Thanks Dudess and Cas - your words are comforting and I know that they are so right ...
I have been out and done some more gardening to work off my frustrations. I have to stick this out and not rise to his bait. If I show him that I really don't care, then just MAYBE it will get to him in a while. It's just that my patience is at a low ebb and, the more I try to be patient, the more I feel that he is moving further away - maybe I should just start to accept that it is over.
I was talking to an old neighbour of ours today and he said "it really doesn't sound good" and my heart sank even further.
I'm tired, my body aches from doing all the extra stuff around the home and garden - I'm exhausted emotionally and there's not really anyone that can pick me up, as H always would have at times when I felt this way. I just feel like I'm running out of all my reserves. My self esteem is pretty low.
I do see the value in your Gucci quote, Dudess and I wish that I could truly feel that way in my heart but right now I'm still in fake it mode because, try as I might, I love my husband and I can't (and don't really want to) let go. I only wish that I could because I DO deserve better than he is handing down.
I'm really struggling with how we could be M one day and the next the whole world is tipped upside down and he wants nothing more to do with me - what's that all about? This is a man who said that he wanted us to be friends and do things together ... where's my opportunity to do that then when he doesn't want to speak to me??
I think that we need to clarify lots of things but how to go about that? He has kept me up to date with his email address changing but as I went nc for a while, I don't know how to redress the balance now and start to make 'little goals' ... I don't know whether it's best to stay no/minimal contact but I really don't see anything working here. He's done and moving on ... I don't think that whatever I say or do is going to change that.
WAH 43; W 47 M 16; T 17 Cats 15 & 6 Bomb 27/05/09 ow 28/06/09
"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"
Just been making packed lunches and started to look at what's happened that is POSITIVE recently.
1) H threatened to get the house valued many weeks ago - this has not happened
2) H asked to speak with me about finances and, despite I asked him to put his thoughts in an email as I could not meet with him last week, that also has not happened.
We have been in limboland for almost 4 months now. What's happening??
Peronal Positives are:
1) I have two new friends 2) I have a temporary job 3) I have learned how to do some car maintenance 4) I have learned how to work the new lawn mower 5) I have learned how to weed and feed the two different types of lawn - and have done it! 6) I have fertilised the back lawn 7) I have knocked down the spiders webs and put up some spray to prevent more 8) I have cut the grass trees and done pretty well! 9) I have survived living here alone 10) I have managed the finances and risen to the financial challenges that H set for me 11) I have learned to deal with my friends and family and their unsympathetic, hard attitudes 12) I have learned how to maintain the pool - and done it! 13) I have managed BY MYSELF 14) I have learned that I don't have to ask H for everything I want - there are ways of finding out information from other sources 15) I am not so afraid of the night-time by myself 16) Our cats love ME - they no longer miss H! 17) I have lost 3 dress sizes 18) I can wear knee length highheeled boots and not look too old for them! 19) I can wear jeans and look good! 20) I have bought myself 1/4 of a new wardrobe 21) I can get my taxes done for myself 22) I don't NEEED H but I would prefer that he were here to help me.
Hey, I'm doing OK!
Last edited by Eskimo Nell; 09/13/0906:12 AM.
WAH 43; W 47 M 16; T 17 Cats 15 & 6 Bomb 27/05/09 ow 28/06/09
"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"
Is this the time for me to invite H to dinner one evening next week? He wants to talk to me about finances and I have to tell him about my job. I would also like to get him to agree to do some stuff that is required around the home and gardens that I can't tackle for myself.
How about:
"There is some stuff we need to discuss. Are you able to meet this coming week? I'm happy to catch up nearer to you if it's easier and you would prefer not to come down. Perhaps we could go for some coffee, or even dinner, somewhere?"
WAH 43; W 47 M 16; T 17 Cats 15 & 6 Bomb 27/05/09 ow 28/06/09
"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"
I don't know that I am the right person to answer this Nell. Can you cope seeing him again and will you be able to meet without holding out hopes for for than just a finance meeting? I know I wouldn't have been able to do this and still would have difficulty not over analysing it all. Do you have to meet or can it be done via email or phone? Do you have to tell him about your job? I'd be going for email and that would keep it business like. As I said I'm probably not the best in this sitch. You probably need to call in Gucci again or try Stuck or Dudess.
If it has to be in person, perhaps "There is some stuff we need to discuss. Are you able to meet this coming week? I'm happy to catch up nearer to you if it's easier and you would prefer not to come down. Perhaps we could meet somewhere?" Take out the coffee/dinner and leave him to make a suggestion
