A Little Epiphany - (and a newbie delurking)

[mindfull]

Girly Girl in the house!!!

Ya look great, Dia! LOL

We must have twin hair!

[girlfromoz]

Hi Dia

Have fun tonight.

[Dia]

The night was an adventure. We'll start with the homecoming. I had simple hors d'ouvres waiting on the bar - the crusty roasted garlic bread with balsamic and olive oil for dipping. I was only set up for one, but I offered some to H as soon as he walked in the door.

H: Well look at you! All ready for a night on the town, Miss Ankle Bells?

Dia: <pirouettes>

I chattered animatedly about where I was going, Irish music night, etc. We discussed that he'd been there once; he thought it was a bar. No, sez I, it's an artsy coffee house like the The Green Dragon used to be! They do serve beer and wine, though. In fact, they have this drink that's a stout with a shot of espresso - and I just might try it.

His eyes kept roving up and down, checking me out w/o saying anything. He told me to have a great time, and he'd want to hear all about it when I got back. I said I'd be back probably between 9 and 10, but did he want a call if I'd be out later than that? Yes, he wanted a call if I'd be out past midnight.

H <teasing>: And I'll expect text messages with pictures every 5 minutes to make sure you're doing something respectable.

Dia <archly>: Oh, I'm supposed to be doing something respectable, am I?

H <smug>: Yes.

I hugged kidlet and left before they did. H was seated on the couch and didn't appear to be hug-imminent, so I left w/o giving him one.

The rest of the adventure to follow...

[Dia]

So walking up to the place, I heard the beat of a drum. Ahh, thunk I, the bodhran! Imagine my surprise when, upon entering, there wasn't a bodhran in sight. In fact, the place was empty except for an Asian saxophonist and a drum set with chimes and a cowbell. The Asian saxophonist looked a bit out of place for Irish music night, but I am nothing if not ecumenical so I didn't think much of it.

"Oh my. I must be early," quoth Dia as she crossed the threshold. Mind you, I'd read that Irish music night started at 6, and here it was 6:45, but knowing sessiuns as I do, there's no way they'd done and gone in 45 mins.

So I ordered myself one o'them espresso stouts and took my pick of seats right next to the house cat who was sleeping on an empty chair. There was a bookshelf, so I grabbed a copy of Pride and Prejudice and settled in to wait.

Then I heard the brass section warming up in the back, bringing back many fond memories of listening to orchestra tunings during my theatre days.

Wait a minnit. Brass section? On Irish music night??

Then the sax player came over to ask me if I 'was here to see Vinny.' Uh oh. I've stumbled into a Sopranos rerun! Vinny turned out to be Vinny Golia and the sax player was from the oddly named band, Crepuscle Trio. And no, no Danny Boy, no Whiskey in the Jar and definitely no Song for Ireland.

The flavor of the evening was experimental jazz. Experimental jazz is a music of 'isn't'. There isn't a melody. There isn't a beat or a rhythm. And it definitely isn't comfortable. It's about dissonance, cacophany and a-rhythmia. It' about exploring sound outside the bounds of tradition.

The cat was brazen in her displeasure, making flat-eared, slalom dashes through the forest of ankles and music stands. And me, I turned a few heads, which felt good. And I even got hit on - by a slender, elegant, silver-haired woman in her 60s! And while I don't particularly object to any of those descriptors, I am married. So while the lady was cordially invited to share my table, that's all we shared.

The whole thing took me completely out of myself - an unexpected adventure. Just the shake-up I needed.

Now for the homecoming.

Since the music started at 8, not 6, Vinny and ensemble were just getting started at 9, and still mid-set at 10. I left at 10 anyway for a variety of reasons but mostly because I wanted to. I was home before 10:15.

H was on his computer with headphones on, freshly showered but looking wan and exhausted. He asked me how it went but wasn't interested in listening past "Great!" I took my cue and disappeared into the bathroom to change into jammies. On my way back out, H again stated that he'd 'hear about it later. His brain was full right now and he didn't want to talk." He seemed whiny/grumpy and like he was using the computer as a palliative.

Now, I hadn't pushed at all to tell him about my night - not the first time, and I hadn't said a single word coming out of the bathroom. After "Great!", I asked if he wanted to hear about it now or later. He said 'Later' and I cheerfully said "Ok!" and wandered off to find jammies. I'm not at all sure what's up with him but unless it's straight sleep deprivation, something has him tied in knots.

<shrug>

Not gonna mindread tonight.

[Dia]

H woke up in a much better mood. He sorted through the boxes of giveaways with many thanks for my efforts in doing the first cull. If the black shirt belonged to OW, he didn't seem to realize it and he didn't pull it out of the pile. There was also a book of Judaica that I was letting of of that he didn't keep. He did, however, rescue a Bob the Builder CD, and I had to wonder if it was for OW's daughter. <shrug> Whatever.

There were also lots of comments along the lines of

"Wow, you bought me this when we lived in....."

"I remember this! <insert nostalgia here>"

And there was one of those future-looking comments that included me. There was small a pile of good-condition, mate-less socks. I said I'd found them in a box, so perhaps they had mates if we integrated them with the laundry - or perhaps not.

H: Let's keep them. If they still don't have mates we can do this again in a year.

And then he hugged me before he left.


About last night - esp. given his 'respectable' comments, I wonder if he did feel jealous and/or threatened even though I didn't pull any of the aforementioned tricks? And I wonder if his grumpiness when I got back had to do w/me being gone? Rejection, maybe? No way to know of course, and yes - it's not always about me, but there you go.

[Dia]

For the last week H has seemed morose and conflicted. I have been leaving him alone about it and giving him space while still being generally cheerful/PMA when around him. I have not offered to listen or tried to get him to talk. In the old R, he sometimes found such attempts invasive because I could read him too well.

However, I'm also concerned about appearing uncaring and unsupportive. Should I make any overture at all along the lines of "I'm here to listen if something is on your mind."

That could well trigger an R talk, so I'm not sure I want to go there.

[Coach]

[quoteHowever, I'm also concerned about appearing uncaring and unsupportive. Should I make any overture at all along the lines of "I'm here to listen if something is on your mind."
] [/quote]

"You look like there is ___________ __________ ________ _______. How can I help?"

You make the offer. He will respond with what he wants.
Win-Win.

[C-Bart]

Hi Dia.

I would say you are probably spot on with your assessment. The comments he made about future activities sounded like a need for reassurance that things were still heading towards you two being together. You kind of rattled his cage last night.

[Dia]

Thanks, Coach!

And if it's an R talk, I just... handle it?

Whit if it's...

Dia: How can I help?

H: By getting the F out of my house!

[Dia]

Hi Dia.

I would say you are probably spot on with your assessment. The comments he made about future activities sounded like a need for reassurance that things were still heading towards you two being together. You kind of rattled his cage last night.

Hmm, you really think so? Even tho he goes out twice a week and I've only done it twice period, you think I rattled him that hard?

I'll keep that in mind. Not gonna do what Coach suggested via email; will wait and do it in person tonight. Will make more hors d'ouvres to have ready when he gets home - he liked that.

Also, forgot to mention this - H said kidlet wanted to have a sleepover *here* tonight. I said I was fine with that, but where would I sleep as sleepovers happen in the LR.

H: Hmm, you're right. I can set the kids up in kidlet's room somehow. Or you could sleep in the big bed.

Dia: You're right. We'll work it out somehow.

Just FYI, both of them sleeping in kidlet's room won't work. This is a funky old house that has been added onto stupidly. Kidlet's room is oddly L-shaped and never more than 4-5 feet wide. There very literally is not room for a second child to sleep in there.

I handled his mention of me sleeping in the MBR very lightly. I was afraid that if I said Yes immediately to that, he'd rethink it negatively during the day.