A Little Epiphany - (and a newbie delurking)

[Dia]

Ok, So I'm going to an Irish music jam, tonight. Please help me perfect the game plan.

H gets home between 5:15 and 6, depending on traffic. He usually stops in for 10 mins or so, then leaves for his dinner/movie night at T & O's place. With kidlet in tow, he will come home around 9pm-ish, as that's kidlet's bedtime.

1) Doll up to the nines. Hair, makeup, perfume, flirty little skirt - the works. Be this way when H gets home.

2) No dinner ready. Cold house, cold kitchen.

3) Breeze out w/o telling him where I'm going or when I'll be back. (?)

4) Hug and kiss kidlet, but not H unless he initiates. (?)

5) Come home... when?

6) Try the 'talking animatedly on the cellphone' trick - yes or no?

Is trying to provoke jealousy *really* a good idea given the details of our sitch?

Any other details, ideas, suggestions, 2x4s, etc.? If he asks, do I tell him where I was? Or do I say something like, "Oh, I poked around at some clubs until I found music I liked."

[Kettricken]

I think invoking a certain level of mystery is good; by all means go out looking fabu.

I think little jealousy-tease tricks like the phone thing are puerile and unecessary. And, given the hx of affairs on both sides, somewhat disrespectful.

Does he go out without telling you in a general way where he's going and when he's going to be back?

I don't see any reason not to excitedly discuss your plans ... knowing you're going out dressed to kill with the intention of drinking beer with irishmen should do your work for you, really.....

JMHO; YMMV

[Virtually_Handsome]

1-4, sounds right.

5. When it's time for you. 9:30-10?

6. I don't like tricks. I'd say no.

I don't think trying to "provoke" jealousy is ever a good idea. You are trying to GAL for yourself. In doing so you may raise his curiosity. I'd say if he asks, you can tell him. It's an interesting activity on it's own. The truth rarely hurts a person that is in the right.

[Dia]

Cool, and I agree w/you re: the cell thing.

And so far, he *does* tell me where he's going and when he'll be back. Assuming he's told the truth, of course. (No evidence that he hasn't.)

Left to my own devices, I'd come home by 10 at the latest. With a caveat for having a really fabulous time and maybe staying out as late as midnight.

[Virtually_Handsome]

Wow.... cross post city!

[Virtually_Handsome]

Just to add....

I think too many people see GAL as a tool for manipulation. That's all backwards. In my opinion, manipulation puts us down to the same level as "them". GAL is for you.

[Dia]

Thanks, Jeff. I'd been wondering about that because you're right. The 'make them jealous' tricks DO contradict 'GAL is for YOU'.

(Kinda like "Trust, but verify" contradicts 'No snooping' but that's a different post.)

Not implying that the tricks don't *work*, mind you, but I agree that they're prob not a good idea in my sitch.

[Virtually_Handsome]

My opinion is that generally "tricks" might seem to give short term gains, but dishonesty, in the long run, isn't a great foundation to be building on.

You can be mysterious without making stuff up. You can leave things unsaid that you might otherwise say. But imagainary friends and such, well, I just don't think so.

I'm sure some people have wonderful imaginary friends, who have been quite helpful. But it's not the way I would go.

In the end you don't "make them jealous", they make themselves jealous!

[Virtually_Handsome]

As far as snooping goes, there are various "schools of thought". No snooping is the safer path, at least until you are sure you are ready to know, and you have a plan for exactly how you will react to what you find. Letting your emotions drive in that case is a recipe for disaster.

[Kettricken]

I'm sure some on the board will disagree, but I don't believe in evoking jealousy, period.

When you come right down to it ... do you want your spouse to want you because they REALLY want you .... or want you because they don't want anyone ELSE to "have" you?

I know my answer, and I'm worth more than the latter.

Caveat: I can see it as a very temporary useful tool in some extreme situations when used as a mega-reality-check for a WAS ... "Wow, someone else DOES want them; I can't screw around here forever and have them be waiting .......maybe I AM losing something good here .....". Although even so, I'm not sure ....