Ex has my older daughter this weekend. He has not spent time with her for about a month. He had her call me this morning to tell me he would be at my house at about noon to pick up the baby. I told my daughter to tell him that it was not his day with the baby and I had plans with her and friends. He tried calling me back 3 more times but I just let it ring. Tantruming I suppose. I wish he would just leave me alone.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
T I'm probably playing amateur detective here and getting it all wrong BUT it seems like your XH suddenly want to spend a lot of time with your youngest D. Given that he is also going on about child maintenance do you think the two are connected?
I only ask b/c this is exactly what happened to me and now it is me who pays him maintenance whilst I get nothing at all from him.
Be careful
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
I do not trust his motives whatsoever. He cannot stand little children. This is all an act. I will not give in.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
T, I don't blame you one bit. I find it quite odd that he wants to spend time w/the little one and yet he's wanting to have you sign some papers about the support. It's almost like he figures if he spends more time w/the child and can prove he's doing it, the less he'll have to pay. Call me crazy, but their minds do work in strange ways.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I agree his mind has not worked right for ages. Tell me, do they ever become trustworthy again?
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
It takes a long, long time to get to being trustworthy. Usually it occurs after the crisis is completely over and they've healed completely. The work then is for them to prove to you that you can trust them.
My xh has been gone for 10 years and still hasn't grown up. He's stuck and hasn't moved an inch in about 5 years. He's playing the game of being nice and sent me birthday greetings this year exactly on the proper date....guess what! He wanted something...he wanted all of the photos that we had taken on all our overseas trips, which he told everyone we never did anything, to display them on the internet. Told him he should have thought about them during the discussion of the separation of belongings. His worries back then were 72 pieces of frozen chicken and not the things of importance. I just wanted to share w/you how they can actually want to be nice and do something productive, but they have an ulterior motive in the mix.
I've gotten way off the topic. I've seen a number of spouses go through this and once they've healed, you couldn't ask for better people. The question will be at the end of the road...will you be able to trust him again?
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I'm learning that as well....my H....or whatever he is at this point in my life.ALWAYS has a motive.....just like when I was gone with my mom out of town, he knew that was perfect time for him to go in and take some stuff out of the house....then he fixed the brakes in my car....there's always a calm before the storm....I'm living it....
But I'm doing better....I'm learning to live again....
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
I was reading in the tub this morning and came across this. It describes my ex perfectly.
SYNDROME OF THE MAN WHO HAS ARRIVED AND DISCOVERED HE IS NOWHERE
He has achieved his goals and finds they are not what he had anticipated. He suffers the disillusionment of promises that petered out-the payoff with the kickback! He has all the things money can buy and finds decreasing satisfaction in all he has. He is satiated and unsatisfied. He has a pot full of nothing. He is in the land of ulcers and cardiacs, alcoholism, divorce and suicide! He suffers from the neurosis of emptiness. He is the man who has become a whale of a success downtown and a pathetic failure at home. He is a big shot with the boys in the office and a big phony with the boy at home. He is a status symbol in society and a fake with his family. Destination sickness - the illness peculiar to a culture that is affluent - and godless.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Ex called the house last night. Had questions about schedule. He is trying to convince me to sign the papers lowering child support. He is claiming his income has dropped significantly but he still seems to be traveling like crazy with bimbo and buying toys. We have a court day scheduled at the end of October. I told him in the conversation that I would not sign the papers and I don't trust anything he says. He was quite pleasant because daughter was with him and listening to conversation. I am getting tired of all of this and have lost some serious respect for my Ml'er.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
