I have been married for 4 short years to a wonderful guy who I have ran into a HUGE wall with. We are having Finacal issues, marritalissues, connecting issues, and personal issues. This all started about 2 months ago. He woke up one morning and said enough is enough. I am sick of the b.s. I was dumbfounded. How is anyone supposed to know things are this bad if you don't say anything. Since then I have been the good wife taking care of the kids and house. He has been out with friends or doing whatever he wants. I want to put us back together, but right now i am not sure how..... by the way he refuses counsoling..... except dfrom a friend who is in college for psych. PLEASE HELP ME SOMEONE!!!!! sTEPHANIE
t=5.5yrs m=4 kids=4 (8,9,10,&11) I dropped the bomb 10-09 regaining myself in house seperation 9-6-09 divorce final 4-19-10 Moved out 9-17-09
First, you need to breath then try to relax. Buy the DR book (or find it at the library), read it and practice it. Its slow over the holiday weekends and people will respond more during the work week. You need to not pursue your H and start GAL (get a life) for yourself. You need to take care of yourself so you'll be more attractive and a better mother for your kids. Also, add some details about your ages and how many kids you have, add more about what kind of marital, connecting issues you 2 are experiencing. Pray and get some rest....
Me-44 WAW-42 (ILYBNILWY) S-16 S-14 M-10/17/1992 T23 Met OM 10/10/08; Bomb 12/27/08; Moved in with OM 01/27/09 Me stronger and happier everyday!
ok so here are some of the marital issues. We started out as a couple working oppisite shifts. I was on second he was days...which means he was home everyday with the kids, mind you kids that are not biologically his but in every sense of the word they are. They call him daddy and he loves them they love him. The kids were 2,3,&4 when we got together. Now they are 8,9,&10. We also have his son living with us as of last summer who is 11. Hesays he needs space, he feels smothered, he is sick of the kids doing whatever they want when he is not home. They need to help out around the house and not be lazy. He wants me to step up my game all the way around. Believe me I am trying like hell to do so. But it seems like my best is just not good enough. He is stressed beyond belief over finances, we receintly had a issue come up and he took a pay cut by 25%. I am trying to work all the overtime I can and get this issue relieved a little bit. But between the turmoil at home and all the sudden being what I consider a single mom again, I am pretty frazzled right now and going pretty hard on my own person. I know this is not good. He stays out late...but I know he is not messing around. He would leave before he did that. I am 31 and he is 32. we have been together almost 6 yrs and have 4 kids under roof.
t=5.5yrs m=4 kids=4 (8,9,10,&11) I dropped the bomb 10-09 regaining myself in house seperation 9-6-09 divorce final 4-19-10 Moved out 9-17-09
oh yes,I forgot one very important thing.... he is resentful for the last couple of years and he says this is not my fault. He walks around angry all the time when he is here. He is not talking either and I am sick of trying to sqeeze or push him to talk. He says he is sick of talking because it does no good anyways.
t=5.5yrs m=4 kids=4 (8,9,10,&11) I dropped the bomb 10-09 regaining myself in house seperation 9-6-09 divorce final 4-19-10 Moved out 9-17-09
Ditto...living with the anger and resentment of 20 years of marriage with no mention of issues or problems. Husband just wants to run away and live alone. Doesn't want to have to answer to anyone...
Me. 47 H 42 married 20 years no kids bomb 5/09 filed 7/09
Me 55 H 49 Married 21 years No kids bomb 5/09 filed 7/09 divorced and moving forward 5/10
Well, tonight he dropped the I dont know if I want to try anymore bomb. We both love eachother we have devoted almost 6 yrs to eachother.... We sat and cried together..... talk is not done.....
t=5.5yrs m=4 kids=4 (8,9,10,&11) I dropped the bomb 10-09 regaining myself in house seperation 9-6-09 divorce final 4-19-10 Moved out 9-17-09
And yet another update on this saga. I am picking up the book tomorrow on the way home from work. we are doing an in house seperation. We are not sure if we want a divorce yet so we are taking it back to the beginning. Friends. We have not told the kids that this what is going on but they know something is wrong.... kids just know when the flow of the house has changed. I spent most of the morning at my moms... I just could not hold it together. How can anyone when they feel the love of thier life slipping through thier fingers like grains of sand. It is so hard to look at him, But this is how it has to be. I am trying so hard to be strong but I have moments... and we all know how that is all to well. After all thats why we come here. good luck all. Stephanie
t=5.5yrs m=4 kids=4 (8,9,10,&11) I dropped the bomb 10-09 regaining myself in house seperation 9-6-09 divorce final 4-19-10 Moved out 9-17-09
Stephanie - I am sorry to hear that you are going through such a rough time. You've certainly got your hands full. I strongly suggest that you call The Divorce Busting Center 303-444-7004 and speak with a Divorce Busting Telephone Coach. You want to make the most of the time you have with your husband right now. In addition to helping you come up with a plan that will help you get your marriage back on track, your DB Coach will help you identify things that you are doing that may be sabotaging your efforts to save your marriage -- and offer you alternative suggestions. I know that you would find your consultation with your DB Coach to be very helpful.
