A Little Epiphany - (and a newbie delurking)

[Dia]

Another new hug last night. Since much of my day involved shifting heavy boxes and furniture, I was exhausted by the time kidlet went to bed. H was on his computer and the light from the office shines directly onto the couch where I sleep.

So I stumbled into the office and told H that I was tired, I was going to sleep in the big bed and when he came to be to wake me and I would move. He went to bed around midnight, but he slept on the couch to let me have a night in the big bed. Nice, but nothing doing. I sleep in that bed with him or not at all.

So I stumbled over to the couch and told H to go to bed. H politely argued saying that when one tries to do something nice for someone, the other person should accept graciously.

Dia: Yes - so go get in the other bed.

H: Oh, ok. Wait a minute - did I win or lose?

So he stood up and hugged me. Now maybe it was because it was dark, but his hands found me just under my arms, then glided down my sides and slid around my hips to pull me to him. If I had been more awake, I might have upped the ante a bit, but as it was, I just hugged him and went to bed.

[Dia]

Ok, the heavy lifting is done as far as the guest room is concerned. And it's a guest room again, not a junk room. It's not pristine and won't be until the larger M issue is settled one way or the other, but it's functional. There's still work to be done in there today, but I've made immense progress and the room is light, bright and cheery despite the remaining boxes.

H hugged me as part of thanking me during a break. We fumbled the hug a bit, each turning the wrong way.

H <superman voice>: Turn your boobies toward me, woman. I want to hug you.

Dia <soft and sultry>: Come with me to the back of the house and you can appreciate them in private.

And he *did* follow me down the hall, but bailed and went into the bathroom instead.

Ruminations for the day: I was pondering what would marriage be like with him now - real marriage, not this limboland stuff. It wouldn't be that different, I think. A lot like this but with sex and affection. With future planning, shared goals and all that. But the day to day wouldn't be that different.

On the house and garden - I've been thinking on this for awhile now. The changes H had made to the house, the garden, the curtains, etc. are all plans I had before I left. Additionally, he sleeps on my side of the bed curled up with the body pillow I used when I was expecting. He confessed once that doing that makes him feel less lonely. Perhaps it's only coincidence, but for someone who was allegedly trying to get me out of his head, out of his space and out of his life, he sure managed to keep himself surrounded with my presence. Viewed a certain way, the house and garden are almost a shrine to my dreams for it.

On the other side, of course, he took down every photo of me and every piece of my artwork save one. He said it hurt him to see them.

Also, his things have swelled to fill the master closet but the drawers on my side of the dresser have remained empty. One of them holds all the photos and things that he took down, but the other two are empty, empty empty. In excavating the guest room, I've found clothes for all of us stuffed in various bags and laundry baskets. These have been sorted, washed and alternately put away or marked for donation. I've found a lot of my own things that were left behind. I don't mind having the extra clothes as I've been living out of a suitcase since I got here, but it does pose a logistical problem. There's nowhere to put them.

The guest room has no closet and all of my things now are in about 18 inches of hanging space in the hall closet and on two small shelves in the same. So I put stuff in my old drawers in the master bedroom. He has no reason to open them, so he probably won't even know. I'd really like to have my half of the closet space back, but I'm afraid to ask for that just yet, and I think just doing it might be a bit much.

Not angry today. Sleep and hard work have beaten it out of me, at least temporarily.

[givingitmyall]

I was pondering what would marriage be like with him now - real marriage, not this limboland stuff. It wouldn't be that different, I think. A lot like this but with sex and affection. With future planning, shared goals and all that. But the day to day wouldn't be that different.

That's funny Dia. B/c I could say the same thing about my sitch. Sort of a twist on the if you were a fly on the wall at my house, you would have no idea anything was amiss, until we retreat to seperate bedrooms.

Sounds like you've had a great weekend. And I can assure you, if my W had asked me to the back of the house, I would NOT have made a wrong turn.

[Dia]

I must be feeling *really* feisty because I took one of the photos of me and kidlet that H shoved face down in a drawer and put it back up on the bookshelf in the guest room.

Take it down again, H - I dare ya!!

[Dia]

ROFLMAO!!

The local wildlife has taken an interest in my underthings. Yesterday's frilly bits were all dry, so I folded them and put them away. Today's frilly bits were, shall we say, much less utilitarian than yesterday's. I found them in the boxes H shoved things into when he cleared out my drawers.

So hanging in the window today are a black lace teddy and a g-string teddy where the color is somewhere between fuschia and hot pink. And just outside the window, less than an inch away was a hummingbird all but thrumming against the glass trying to figure out if my fuschia teddy was edible.

Also, amongst the laundry detritus I found a woman's black t-shirt that I don't remember being mine. I'm not 100% certain, but I think it's OW's as it's too big for SIL. I put it in the donate pile and if H doesn't look through said donate pile before it goes, then it's not my problem. He's been given a Friday deadline for the donate pile as that's when my car leaves for the charity dropoff.

Anybody disagree with how to handle that shirt? (setting it on fire would be my preferred method)

[Dia]

Hmmm, a new development...

I went and told H the hummingbird story, omitting that it was a teddy and letting him think it was just some random piece of hot pink laundry. He laughed about the hummingbird thinking it had found the biggest flower in the world.

H (as hummingbird): I'll eat for days!

Then he talked about the coding project he's been working on all weekend and made mention of the double bind he faces when trying to balance human interaction with his interest in personal projects.

Dia: You're an introvert. It's cool; I get it.

Then he glowed at me. It's this look we give each other, that's intimate and full of love. It's not quite a smoldering sexual look, but one can lead to the other fairly quickly. I let him glow for a bit, looking back into his eyes with a smile.

Dia: Let's watch a movie tonight. (Sounds non-sequitur when I write it, but he implied a desire for company in the human interaction stuff above.)

H: Good, let's do it. I'm in the mood for Labyrinth. Is that good for you?

Dia: Sure, sounds great.

As I moved to get up, he accidentally bumped my foot with his.

H (dismayed): Oh! I poked you; I'm sorry.

Dia (playfully): Do it again! Do it again!

H: Grab the chair.

Believe me, the head snap on the double take for that one darn near gave me whiplash. Did he just tell me to grab the chair?!??!

I would say things are heating up a bit. Is that how you folks are reading it?

Interesting as I've backed way off this week on seeking his attention or affection. I've been focusing on working on the issues instead.

Hmmmm......

[girlfromoz]

Hi Dia

I really am enjoying reading your thread, gives me hope that things can get better and always brings a smile to my face.

I would say things are certainly heating up for you and your H, keep doing whatever you are doing as it is obviously working very well.

[givingitmyall]

I would say things are certainly heating up for you and your H, keep doing whatever you are doing as it is obviously working very well.

Yep.

[Dia]

Respect...

I know I lost it for H before I left, and I'm sure he lost it for me as well. He earned my respect back by never being a day late or a dollar short with the child support. I wonder if I'm earning his back by putting this house to rights from stem to stern? Seducing him won't gain his respect. But maybe working on the issues will?

[Sara]

Why is seduction off the table? Does he have to be faithful to the OW while he is married to you? Is there a parallel universe in which that makes sense?