OMG...I will not tell her you said that..you would be sure to fall out of her good graces....get this..
she's a really BIG Tennessee football fan...lol and has cousins in Alabama who are Big Tide fans...she pulls for Duke in Basketball and the Redskins in Pro football..
I'm sure kerry wants to get back to talking about go all "klingon" in the buffet line..
It was the Romulans that first used a cloaking device.
My reason for using it now is I dont want to respond to any other possible buffet items. That way, if the current one does not work out, I can deactivate the device and return to the buffet.
You are right to use the cloak right now. Too much at once is a bit confusing...possibly a lot of short-term fun, but in the long run, it'll come back to bite you.
OMG Mike! Michele is one confused lady in her loyalties!
Ok Kerry...I've got to go back and read the last few pages. I'm feeling a little lost with the talk about klingon cloaking in buffet lines! I've obviously missed something.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
On second thought, I turned the cloaking device off so that I am still visible. It is still way too early and I figured that since her cloaking device was off, well maybe mine should be too. Plus, there were a couple ladies that had send me emails that I needed to respond to and ask further questions.
I sure hope that I am not sounding like Ross Perot (who I stupidly voted for once).
I would like some advice as to whether I have the right or wrong attitude concerning pushing kids to do something they dont want to do or letting them decide on their own to quit/fail.
XW and I had an argument on the phone this morning about our daughter's costly violin lessons which she does not have much passion for. When we were in Hawaii, D7 mentioned that she was happy to not be at home because her mom would be pushing her to practice. That made me groan because I am being forced to pay for something she does not enjoy.
XW blames her own lack of not knowing math, how to swim, play an instrument, etc on her parents and wants to push lessons/skills on the kids even if they dont enjoy it. I have the philosophy that it is ok to fail at things in life and be free to choose what you want to do - not have someone force you to succeed. When I grew up, my parents allowed me the freedom to drop out of band (clarinet) and the boy scouts. I sure would like to have become more musically talented, but I appreciate that it was my choice to decide that it was not for me. Is Tiger Woods so good at golf solely because his father pushed him? I dont think so - I think he had a passion for it and his father only helped him to get better at it.
Some of what bothers me is that we are paying a lot of money for the violin lessons, but also, I dont like the fact that my daughter does not enjoy it and is being forced. I just dont think music is her calling as she seems to be more gifted athletically and I would like her to have the option to do some sports if she wants.
Discussing with XW is so frustrating because she is so irrational. When I mention something like it might be nice if the kids can have a choice in what they want to do, she will say something like "they will choose to eat cotton candy and play video games". Or she will say she has spoken to many counselors/phycologists who say that she is right that kids need to be pushed to succeed. Or she will always fire back on the "it was agreed on in court" (something her lawyer briefly said about me paying for lessons). Or she will say that I pushed D7 into the Girl Scouts and XW does not like that organization. I will counter with the fact that I told D7 that if she does not like the girl scouts she can make the decision to quit, but she has fun at the meetings and wants to continue going. XW even acknowleges that D7 will quit violin in the future but that she wants to keep pushing her for as long as possible. She says that I should setup a meeting between a child counselor, the violin instructor, our daughter and ourselves to further discuss this.
I think that I am wasting my breath in trying to let her know my feelings and have her reconsider that pushing our daughter to succeed at something she hates might not be the best idea. Is it wrong to get to the point where I finally say "D7 and I dont want to continue violin lessons so the vote is 2 to 1 - you lose"?
Or she will say she has spoken to many counselors/phycologists who say that she is right that kids need to be pushed to succeed. Or she will always fire back on the "it was agreed on in court" (something her lawyer briefly said about me paying for lessons). Or she will say that I pushed D7 into the Girl Scouts and XW does not like that organization. I will counter with the fact that I told D7 that if she does not like the girl scouts she can make the decision to quit, but she has fun at the meetings and wants to continue going. XW even acknowleges that D7 will quit violin in the future but that she wants to keep pushing her for as long as possible. She says that I should setup a meeting between a child counselor, the violin instructor, our daughter and ourselves to further discuss this.
Personally if D7 told me she did not want to take the lessons then i would set up an appointment with the C..invite the ex and let D7 tell them all...
I don't think you should push her to take the lessons..I think it should be a choice..
Quote:
Is it wrong to get to the point where I finally say "D7 and I dont want to continue violin lessons so the vote is 2 to 1 - you lose"?
if it comes to that..then I don't think it is wrong..
My older daughter was in Marching band for 3 years. In her senior year of high school she decided she didn't want to deal with the long practices and traveling and pressure that year.
Her mother was livid because she was a 'band mom' and her own kid was quitting! D18 wasn't having fun any more. Most of her friends had graduated and she would rather spend time developing her artwork and stage work.
I supported her decision. It's one thing the 'have to' do math homework, you NEED those skills. It's another thing to 'have to' do music, sports, girls scouts. You do those because you like them.
Mike and Frank - Thanks for your opinion. I will have some talks with D7 and try to encourage her to not be so easy to quit, but if it is something she really hates, that it might be best to try something different. The great thing is there is no hurry on a decision with this right now.
On a sad note...the Oregon Ducks lost their first football game of the season to Boise State. All hopes for the state of Oregon to have a national title this year rests on the Beavers who should win easily this weekend against the Portland State Vikings. I wonder if I will ever see an Oregon team win a national title in my lifetime. Rob, at least you got to witness the Washington Huskies win one in your life.
I thought I would throw in my 02 on the music lessons. My daughter(10) is taking flute lessons. They were kind of hard for her at first so she learned somethings on the recorder. When I mentioned to her that I didn't think I would keep paying for lessons because she isn't learning the flute she hopped right back onto the flute and is doing better. I am not a drill sargent about practice. I remind her but she knows the time she did or didn't practice will show in her lessons and she won't get as many sticker rewards if it wasn't much time. When she tells me she is done, fine.
Music should be for joy not punishment. There will be times when they won't always love it because it can be hard work, but if it really is for them, they will come back when they are ready. Hope that helps some.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
