W can't break EA - not sure how to handle it

[Phoenixdeux]

When she mentions dating again and she may very well do that, you tell her that you will be dating, you just don't think it will be with her ;-)

I like this...I hope it happens again so you can say it. Actually, I'd probably add, "I will be dating, but I don't think it will be you. I'm looking for someone who is interested in more of a long-term commitment". :P

I'm glad you clarified that it wasn't that you couldn't hug, that you wouldn't hug. Keep working towards being stronger and getting out of the Mr Nice Guy mold.

[tristan]

Wife is at new place. I need to get girls stuff packed to go away this weekend. Now starts the hard part.

Whatever happens, I will survive, I will thrive, I will be great. God has a plan for me...

[tristan]

Journaling:
Thursday night:
Alright, tonight has been emotionally draining. I am going down to parents tomorrow with girls. Girls know they are going down, but don't know mommy isn't going yet. I guess we are surprising them with that tomorrow. I told W that she needs to tell them. My mom doesn't know about the seperation yet, so I will tell her probably tomorrow as well.

W did not seem interested in conversing much at all. I did ask her if she learned anything today.
W: <after some thought> "I learned that I am weak."
M: "What do you mean?"
W: "I am very anxious."
M: "I read recently that anxiety comes from not understanding the underlying feeling."
W: <thinks for a bit, but doesn't say anything>

I wish I could say I feel good tonight, but I don't. But whatever happens, I will survive, I will thrive, I will be great...

God bless.

[bluerain]

Hey puppy, your fans are demanding an update on your thread! People are worried about you!

[tristan]

Journaling:
Friday Morning:

Last night was tough. Emotions were getting to me. I read some of "Hold on to Your N.U.T.s" and went to sleep.

This morning I was talking to W:
M: "Sleep well?"
W: "Not really. I woke up really early."
M: "Having dreams?"
W: "Yes. I was in this huge mansion with doors all over. I kept opening doors. One of those anxiety dreams. It was filled with antiques from 944. 944 was all over in the mansion. Then I was a mermaid that was tied up. Do you know how to play the numbers? I should play 944."
...
W: "How are you doing?"
M: <shrug shoulders> "OK"
W: "That's good."
...
M: "How do you feel about the move?"
W: "I'm scared. Its a big change. I will miss you. I know that. But I have gone this far... I need to do it. I want some time and space to think. I want some time to be with friends. Do some meditation. Get back to Yoga. I hope you will do the same. I don't look at this as the end. I look at it as a new phase, a new stage in my life."
...

I know I was not showing confidence this morning. I felt like jello on the inside. I know she sensed it.

On my way to work, I called a L that my dad had found through the grapevine. I wanted to know what my obligations were for child-support. Taking care of it, as Coach would say. I found that because I will have the children 50% of the time, it is very vague. But I also found that I have probably agreed to too much. I will need to renegotiate this with W. Although, I guess I really don't need to negotiate. I will just tell her what I believe is fair and pay it. The lawyer actually suggested I attempt to get her back into MC. He is a divorce lawyer that believes that divorce is a horrible solution to marriage problems (imagine that).

[tristan]

Just got this e-mail:

Hi,

This is my itinerary for X. My next trip is in October. I
was wondering if you could help and then I will have the girls
for more time the following weeks.

Please let me know.
W

I would essentially get them 2 more nights than normal. What are the suggestions on handling this. My initial thought is to just take them, but is that being too "nice"?

[Orich]

Tough one. I would want my kids as much as possible, but I wouldn't want to look like I was going out of my way for her either. Personally, I would take them. Of course, if she adheres strictly to the amount of time agreed to, and wants to make up for it later, I guess what's the difference then.
Tough one.

[robx]

Tough one. I would want my kids as much as possible, but I wouldn't want to look like I was going out of my way for her either. Personally, I would take them. Of course, if she adheres strictly to the amount of time agreed to, and wants to make up for it later, I guess what's the difference then.
Tough one.

Easy one... take them.
You're a dad and you're going to show to your kids that you're a great dad and that will never stop regardless if you're married, separated, divorced or whatever with your wife.

With all the change that your wife is introducing to "find her way", you will be the rock for your kids, the protector, provider of security, greatest dad on the planet, etc. Taking them only makes you look good, especially to your kids.

You aren't doing anything for your wife, this is about your kids, you'll always be there for them.

Now when she wants to go out on a date with the OM and asks if you want to watch the kids, that's when you put up the boundary and say that's your busy and you'll watch them when you have them.

[tristan]

Thanks Robx. I had already sent the e-mail saying no problem. I may get the hang of this yet.

[RedSoxFan]

Just got this e-mail:

Hi,

This is my itinerary for X. My next trip is in October. I
was wondering if you could help and then I will have the girls
for more time the following weeks.

Please let me know.
W

I would essentially get them 2 more nights than normal. What are the suggestions on handling this. My initial thought is to just take them, but is that being too "nice"?

This is one of the toughest ones I've come up against. Absolutely hate the idea of enabling. In the long run though, I, my kids and W will look back on this situation and know who was there for them.

Well, as I read above you already figured it out. Next time I'll read before responding