So right as I was typing the bit about learning to be ok with my feelings, H pipes up with some ruminations about the potluck. He said that while he didn't experience any social anxiety at the function, he was feeling a surge of rebound anxiety now that he was home. He said he thinks he *was* anxious at the function, but was stuffing it as long as he was there. I listened, I asked leading questions and the anxiety seemed to be related to the usual am I good enough, witty enough, will people like me, etc. and had nothing to do with 'what are people thinking of me showing up here with my alleged ex-wife?' (Note to self: Big holy deal here!! He revealed inner feelings/experiences. This is a huge first!)
So I told him what I told you folks about working so hard in IC on allowing myself to name and feel my feelings, and how that made life so much easier, made the negative feelings so much less of a burden, etc. When I first started talking, he rolled his eyes as if I was going to lecture him or something, but I was careful with my language and made sure I only talked about me. Midway through, he was listening with interest and said there was wisdom there, stuff he would have to think on and take to heart.
Then we ended up on the same couch with H's toes tucked under my butt for warmth. And I got a very vivid lesson on why the man won't allow me to come anywhere near his bed.
When he falls asleep, all the walls come down and he's besotted in love with me. He shifted a bit while reading and I looked up from my book and into his eyes. He made kiss motions at me and gave me three sleepy squeezes, which I returned. Then he fell fast asleep with his nose still in the book.
About 10 min later, I softly asked him if he was sleeping (it was bedtime for kidlet). He blinked, and said yes, his feet were warm.
Dang rollercoaster! But the good outweighs the bad and hey - I got an 'I love you' tonight and that's progress even if it was non-verbal and half-asleep.
@ C-Bart - LOL! Terribly sorry, but yes, I am distressingly female. So what did it for you - the girl-girl bonding, the talk of bells and dresses or me turning into a green-eyed monster? <grinning>
Last edited by Dia; 09/03/0904:51 AM.
The trouble with having an open mind is that people put things in it.
My sitch - Divorce Busted! http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1804137#Post1804137
LOL, Kett. C'mon, if you wanted people to think you're a girl, you should have picked a name that ends with a vowel.
LOL...I couldn't even name the coach of the Red Sox. I was going for anonymity. I may change to DBer formerly known as RedSoxFan
...or maybe just a symbol...huh?
Last edited by RedSoxFan; 09/03/0902:54 PM.
AKA: "Ben the school teacher" --- Me:45, W:41 | Ds:10,12&14 | M:18, T:20 Me: MLC+PA+WAS+Separated 10/08 My Request to Reconcile Denied 7/09 W w/OM 6/09-11/09
INFJ, actually. No, I think it's because (a) I grew up around guys and prefer their company in many ways and (b) shift into a logic-is-king POV as armor for dealing with life's less-pleasant vicissitudes, which we're loaded with here. Like you, I wasn't really encouraged to display or succumb to those nonsensical female emotions, growing up.
Glad you know your queens. She's my favorite.
"Show me a completely smooth operation and I'll show you someone who's covering mistakes. Real boats rock." -- Frank Herbert
As for screennames, mine is short for Diotima, namely Diotima of Mantinea. Thing is, if I use 'Diotima', then people call me Dio which is odd for me on several levels.
Interesting morning. Disrupted night - cat squabbles, kidlet dreamed there were scorpions in his bed so little sleep for me. After I comforted the freaked out kidlet, I sent him to sleep in the master bed with his dad - no scorpions there. Our alpha female kitty still objects to the new kitty's presence, though that is slowly getting better. The two male cats are buddies now, eating from the same dish and playing chase with each other.
So this morning, I was *not* ready to face the day. I asked H if he would handle getting the kidlet to school so I could claim an extra hour of sleep. There was a point during that hour where he came in, stood by the bed and just looked at me. I was too asleep to speak or respond, but I could feel him there.
After I got up, he and I curled up on the couch just talking about stuff. Not touching, but there was this very intimate feel to it, and his gaze at me was more openly tender than I've seen it so far.
Ch-ch-ch-changes.
Kidlet scored a sleepover with a boy from his class tomorrow night, so I will be suggesting an anniversary date w/o calling it a date. There are some jazz clubs here, and a Argentine place with Tango music. I've never been to either one.
Oh, and H is not doing his movie night tonight. He said he felt he had too many evening activities scheduled and he wanted to be home. Hmmmm... Not reading too much into that as I also know he wants to work on his game, but he was conflicted when he told me he'd be home tonight, so he's wrestling with something.
He also mentioned seeing Laurel when he was dropping off kidlet, the woman I mentioned last night who told me I had it made. Gossip is the wrong word for her as she doesn't maliciously tell tales, but I swear the woman knows *everything* that goes on in this town. There may have been a convo there.
I have a dress all picked out for Friday dinner if it happens. It's chocolate brown with a wrap style top - so low cut - then shirred at the waist with a nice flouncy skirt. I'll have to check my shoes, but I think I have some gold, strappy wedges that will do the trick nicely. Then again, H seems to like the dress with the dangly ties, so that one's possible too.
Ok, off to work with me.
Have a great day, everyone!
The trouble with having an open mind is that people put things in it.
My sitch - Divorce Busted! http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1804137#Post1804137
