It is nice that you are in a happier frame of mind. It will even get better once your divorce is final. I am glad you don't feel the need to post all the time, but I still enjoy checking in on my friends now and then. Take care!
Posts are less and less frequent......Who thought I would ever be there!
It's been 4 years since the "We've got nothing in common, let's get a divorce lawyer speech" on July 30, 2005 at 2 PM in a local park.....
Just like 9/11 or JFK's assassination (those of you as old as me)....you remember where you were when you got smacked across the head with the bat, like one of the opening scences in Tarnatino's "Inglorious Basterds"
Just like all of you, I faced total shock, and over the next 10 months became more and more mentally unravelled until on March 30, 2006, I tried to end it all by swallowing a ton of my Zoloft.
I just wanted the pain to go away.......
From 9 days at the silly hospital to moving back home to STBX becoming angrier and angrier with the situation to moving into a guy's garage in August of 2006 to Iraq in June of 2007 to back home standing strong in June of 2008 to stumbling across a great woman in November 2008 to being in love in September of 2009, and feeling on top of the world.
What a journey................
On another note....STBX and her attorney had a falling out, and she has hired a new attorney. Why is that not surprising.
Hope you all are doing well. If I can pull out of the "flame out" I was in, you all are going to do just fine!
Way to go FLTC!!!! We all get out of the mess sooner or later. I took a long time just like you but I dealt with the mess in the best way I knew - just like you. And I found happiness when the time was right - just like you. Feels better, eh???
8 years for me since the bomb. My ex and I split and got back together twice in the first couple of weeks. And our split happened at the same time as 9 -11. Some things you DO not ever forget.
But it is all part of the history. For the first time - I did not feel ANYTHING on the date of our split (last week). I also find that for the first time ever in 8 years, I can now go a day or 2 with no thoughts of ex and maggot and no anger towards them.
It's a pretty standard break out.. as far as I could figure.
As a stay at home mom (I stopped working 20+ years ago to raise the kids) in a long term marriage (over 20 years) I was eligible for 'lifetime alimony'. The standard settlement for our situation, a highly compensated husband and moi with NO income broke out to the following:
Alimony (long term marriage): 30% of his gross income
Child support: Roughly 10% for the minor child
Until my youngest is 21, I receive 40% of his salary in alimony and unallocated child support.
Your STBX IS working, under 20 years of marriage usually falls under 'rehabilitative' alimony which lasts for half the length of the marriage.
Your two salaries have to be taken into account and the amounts adjusted accordingly. Connecticut calls for an 'equitable', not even distribution of income.
What does your lawyer say? I talked to a few attorneys during the divorce settlement to have their input. And I learned things to make sure I included.
Another thing.. judges get annoyed when trial dates change. If she's changed lawyers than the discovery process begins all over again. How does this effect the subpeona? Adultery can be sited as a cause for divorce in CT.
X's girlfriend, while married 17 or 18 years and 4 kids, got NO alimony. She only gets child support, $500/week. She was a stay-at-home-mom, too. I think it had to do with him citing the adultery.
I was told that there isn't anything set in stone for alimony, just what is customary. Gyp is right about the length of marriage thing - I was married for near-16 years, and my alimony ends in 8. My child support ends as each child reaches 18. The 2 lawyers looked at both of our incomes, making sure that we could both live off the money we would each end up with, to determine the alimony amount. I had been getting $650/week unallocated (which made it all taxable to me as income - ack!) since the legal separation, an amount I came up with to pay all the bills. After the divorce, it was reduced to $300 for child support (about $40 more than the chart according to his income), and $200 alimony/week. Only the alimony will be taxable to me, now (deductible to him). Check with a tax person, too.
Your wife has a good-paying job. She left the marriage while committing adultery. I don't think she is "entitled" to any alimony at all. Alimony, traditionally, is a vehicle to make sure that mothers who stayed at home to raise the children wouldn't be left starving or forced to rush out to take a job (or two) if they were left by their husbands. It allowed them time to train and re-enter the workforce, or took that burden off of them entirely if it was a "long-term" marriage. As in, staying home to raise kids and keep house, only to have hubby take off with his 22 year-old secretary, and being 55 with no training, skills, or experience. That is certainly not your wife's case.
Not much to add. You are getting good advice too. But I wonder if you are confident in your own lawyer. I, too, went to 9 different lawyers for consultations. It ended up being a smart move for me as only one was creative enough to figure out how I could keep my house as it was built for our disabled son. I was adament about this being what I wanted for him at the time.
I was married 25 years. I do not get alimony. I am now suddenly retired. I get nothing from him, no UIC, no pension. Can't go back. But I'll be ok. Personally, I do not believe your wife should be entitled to anything.
But laws vary from place to place. Again, check with your L about the laws in your situation.
My XW worked and was living with a rich sugar daddy and probably did not need alimony. Still, my lawyer said it would be risky fighting it out to court. Her lawyer was asking for $1200 a month in alimony for 5 years if she lived with sugar daddy and $2000 if she lived by herself.
I weighed my court risks, the tax dedcution benefit, the reduction alimony does for child support, and the idea that once alimony is on record that it can be changed (amount and term) in the future if she is seriously injured. I ended up doing a $40G buyout of alimony as part of the division of assets and I am not on record as paying alimony. I was able to refinance my house to pay for all of that and I came out pretty good with only about $300 more a month for mortgage payments.
