Thursday Evening: Went to the First Aid class. On the way home stopped by the Art Meuseum and walked around the park area outside. There are a lot of sculptures and fountains that surround it, so it is a nice walk. Plus, it is where I went to college; this time of year brings back a lot of good memories.
Got home around 8:30. MIL was at home watching "Polly" with girls. W was not home. I let girls finish the movie and took them up to put them to bed around 9:00. Got them both to bed, but stayed in D5s bed for a while so she could talk to me about what 5 year old girls talk about. She is very excited about starting kindergarten. She is also very smart.
W must have got home around 10:00 and walked into D5s room where we were still chatting. D5 starts crying "Why do you always go away without telling me? You are never around." She is very good with the guilt-trip. She continued like that for quite some time. I didn't say anything, I just sat there. I could tell that it stressed W.
After W got D5 to calm down, I told her that her outfit and new hair (braids were out) looked nice and she asked me to follow her into our room. We sat down on the bed. W: "I just got back from friend X's house and she wants to know how you are doing." M: <with puzzed look> "I'm fine given the circumstances. Why was friend X asking?" W: "It isn't just her, I wanted to know too." M: "I'm fine." W: "You are very strong." M: "I find stength where I can." - I was thinking of all you here in DB-land and my new found faith in god. Thank you AAK, Robx, Breakaway, Dia, Puppy, Coach et al. You've been a great help. ... M: "Did you find anything tonight?" W: "I found a table and 4 chairs for $300 dollars at a second-hand store" M: "Were they nice." W: "Yes. I think so. Friend Y would like to sell me her couch for $200. What do you think?" M: "I don't know. I can't remember the couch. You can do what you want. It is your money." W: <quick deep breath> "Well I want to be careful with the money. You taught me to be careful with money." ...
D5 pulls W away and I run to drugstore to get MIL some cold medicine. Get home from drugstore, read a chapter and go to sleep.
Friday Morning: Wake up, W is down reading "Contemplating Divorce" again. However, she has made very little headway in it. We say good morning. She thanks me for getting the medicine for MIL; saying that it was very kind. She then offers to make pancakes and asks if I would like some. I thank her and head up to get ready.
While eating I tell her that I am planning on cutting her cell phone and transfering our joint account into one that is only in my name. W: "This feels wierd." M: "Yes. It brings a sense of completeness." We both stand there awkwardly. Both wanting to say more; but not.
... M: "So what did Friend X have to say?" W: "Not a lot. She mostly just listened." ... M: "Have a good day." W: "Yes you too. Have a good one."
I had to pull her car to get mine out and noticed that she had been listening to the CD I made for her this past Valentine's day.
This is hard. I really would like to tell exactly how I feel, but know that it is not time for that. I need to keep discipline.
While eating I tell her that I am planning on cutting her cell phone and transfering our joint account into one that is only in my name. W: "This feels wierd." M: "Yes. It brings a sense of completeness." We both stand there awkwardly. Both wanting to say more; but not.
While eating I tell her that I am planning on cutting her cell phone and transfering our joint account into one that is only in my name. W: "This feels wierd." M: "Yes. It brings a sense of completeness." We both stand there awkwardly. Both wanting to say more; but not.
Good move.
You think so? I feel that we are moving in opposite directions so fast now. Sometimes I wonder if I am approaching this right.
Another thing that scares me is how fast I seem to be accepting it. Is she detaching as quickly as I am? I know I will have my down days, but sometimes I think "This won't be as hard as I originally thought." But then I think of all the implications financially and especially the impact on the children and think this isn't just about emotions; there is a lot of other things at stake here.
