Holy cr*p robx, there was no OM in my sitch but I don't think I have ever seen it so well articulated how destabilizing it is for a woman to lose that sense of security with her H.
I have been trying to find the words and articulate it and just couldn't beyond recognizing the "dynamic"...
And you thought all I had going for me was good looks and a great attitude ;-)
WOW! - this guy has smarts too! LOL!
Well I'm glad you can see that my education in this area isn't just stuff that I've read on the cover of a matchbook.
When it comes down to it, there is a science behind all of this, security is crucial for women, when a man shows jealousy, envy, clingy-ness (not a word but you know what I mean), anger at his wife's actions, inability to handle things without his wife having to be there, not letting his wife go out with her friends every now & then to have some individual time (not to be mistaken with wife going with OM to have individual time), this all shows insecurity and women want to feel secure with the men they're with. Without security it all goes downhill after that.
You may not agree on the dating part of my advice either but there is a science behind that as well. When I get some time I'll post the ideas behind the "dating", not to be confused with user TRROSE on another thread who is asking if she should sleep with another woman while him & his wife are apart (and I offered my 2 cents on his thread... "NO!"). No sex, dating yes, but definitely no sex, kissing, touchy feeling, sexy time explosions, no sex!!!
I'm glad that I could be a case study in what not to do ;-)
That's ok Tristan, knowing what not to do will be part of your education in knowing what to do to get her back ;-)
I can't guarantee that following my advice or anyone else's advice on this forum will get your wife back.
But I can guarantee that sitting at home playing susie q homemaker while holding down a great job and doing everything you can plus wearing a big bright smile and saying "it's ok dear, you go out there and find yourself and I'll be home waiting with this heart of mine that will love you forever" - that tells her she can definitely have no security with you whatsoever and security in your specific situation is what killed her attraction for you because this is all about attraction and being insecure & needy killed that attraction.
robx, I get the science but I think you underestimate a) a horny man's susceptibility to extra-marital sex when "dating" b) the devastating effects that a husband dating can have on a woman's self esteem (you all often assume OM, but what if there isn't as in my case?) c) the way the proposed dater's possibly juvenile behavior played into the dynamic and how that might be addressed prior to throwing in dating (which can be a bit juvenile when one is married)...
And I agree with the dating part in SOME sitches. I am dating now. I have an infantile husband so it fits. Plus he's been gone for 9 months.
But I can guarantee that sitting at home playing susie q homemaker while holding down a great job and doing everything you can plus wearing a big bright smile and saying "it's ok dear, you go out there and find yourself and I'll be home waiting with this heart of mine that will love you forever" - that tells her she can definitely have no security with you whatsoever and security in your specific situation is what killed her attraction for you because this is all about attraction and being insecure & needy killed that attraction.
But I can guarantee that sitting at home playing susie q homemaker while holding down a great job and doing everything you can plus wearing a big bright smile and saying "it's ok dear, you go out there and find yourself and I'll be home waiting with this heart of mine that will love you forever" - that tells her she can definitely have no security with you whatsoever and security in your specific situation is what killed her attraction for you because this is all about attraction and being insecure & needy killed that attraction.
Truer words have never been written on these forums!
But I can guarantee that sitting at home playing susie q homemaker while holding down a great job and doing everything you can plus wearing a big bright smile and saying "it's ok dear, you go out there and find yourself and I'll be home waiting with this heart of mine that will love you forever and give you foot rubs when you come home."
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
While that's "LMFAO" funny, know that no one has EVER earned a "4 Whistles" award. No one. It's like an unassisted triple play in baseball, and we all know that those NEVER happen!
robx, I get the science but I think you underestimate a) a horny man's susceptibility to extra-marital sex when "dating" b) the devastating effects that a husband dating can have on a woman's self esteem (you all often assume OM, but what if there isn't as in my case?) c) the way the proposed dater's possibly juvenile behavior played into the dynamic and how that might be addressed prior to throwing in dating (which can be a bit juvenile when one is married)...
And I agree with the dating part in SOME sitches. I am dating now. I have an infantile husband so it fits. Plus he's been gone for 9 months.
I was that "horny man" and I exercised an EXTRAORDINARY amount of self-control and I can't believe I'm unique in this ability plus in this situation we're not assuming there is an OM, we know it for a fact. But yes I agree sometimes we assume there is an OM in every situation and that just isn't the case.
But I can guarantee that sitting at home playing susie q homemaker while holding down a great job and doing everything you can plus wearing a big bright smile and saying "it's ok dear, you go out there and find yourself and I'll be home waiting with this heart of mine that will love you forever and give you foot rubs when you come home."
I have no authority to hand out puppy's coveted award but if it makes anyone feel better, I whistled 4 times.
At least we all agree that being the broken, needy, insecure man waiting for his wayward wife to return home from her affair isn't going to get the results we're intending.
W asked for Tax Returns from last 2 years so she could confirm income to landlord. I sent her pdf formats of them. She just left a message asking if there is a summary someplace that she could use, saying "These tax forms are huge!"
What is the correct response here? Can I just let it go?
