D11 sent me a text saying she hates today and likes today. I told her to just try and like today. She said ok, she will try.
The girls constantly bicker back and forth. I am hoping the C will help with that.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
I can understand why W would want to know the C's credentials. So, call and find out.
As far as the bickering goes, you'd better get used to it! I have a feeling that it's just beginning, at that age. It doesn't necessarily have anything to do with your situation.
So counting what works and doesn't. Drinking and arguing with her about the van was obviously bad.
Telling her how great she did with her purchase and shopping together with the kids and being light hearted and non judgemental and letting things slide off my back worked really well.
Going forward with the C and a new one at that seemed to create tension.
Not sure if she considers me going to AA to be weak or if that is a good thing in her mind. Not that it matters. When I have mentioned it, she hasn't said anything one way or the other.
She hasn't refiled for D yet, but I also happen to know that she has been very busy. We will see if that happens next week. I pray that it does not.
One lego goes on, then it seems to come off. Then back on again, then back off again.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
So counting what works and doesn't. Drinking and arguing with her about the van was obviously bad.
Telling her how great she did with her purchase and shopping together with the kids and being light hearted and non judgemental and letting things slide off my back worked really well.
Going forward with the C and a new one at that seemed to create tension.
Not sure if she considers me going to AA to be weak or if that is a good thing in her mind. Not that it matters. When I have mentioned it, she hasn't said anything one way or the other.
She hasn't refiled for D yet, but I also happen to know that she has been very busy. We will see if that happens next week. I pray that it does not.
One lego goes on, then it seems to come off. Then back on again, then back off again.
Kevin
Kevin you SEEMED to be doing a little better, then we get this post...WORK ON YOU WITHOUT CONSIDERING HOW IT COULD AFFECT YOU R...
Me:40 W: 39 T: 17 years M: 15 years S-9 D-6 D final 11/10/2009
"We are all faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as insoluble problems."
Making progress my man. Just trying to do a little bit of what Stuck did. Take down what things work and what things don't work. Then start applying more of what works and backing off of what does not work.
Unlike what many want on here, I am not walking away from my W and forgetting she exists. I don't believe in doing that. And I won't. But I will keep seeing what is positive and what is not and taking note.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Everyone wants me to forget about her and insists my M is over. Move on I am told. Detach. Detach yes. But I'm not going to move on and not try and continue to see what works and doesn't work.
Thats all.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Kevin, if you think people want you to walk away, and pretend she doesn't exist, you are not reading right.
They are trying to tell you, though you consistently don't want to hear it (don't ask why I am typing this) that it would be very helpful for you, and your chances of saving your M, to detach your emotions from her every action. To move your every day focus to you, and off of her. To not analyze every word she says, and everything she does.
What you have insisted on doing is almost (and I will only say almost, since there is an exception for every rule) certainly chasing her away. And every day you chase is reducing the chance that she will ever come back.
Praying and faith are excellent tools. But you also need to do the best that you can do. Have you heard the story of the guy on the roof in a flood? He prayed for God to save him. A man in a boat came, and he sent him away... "God will save me." Later a helicopter came, and he sent them away... "God will save me." Well, he died on that roof, and went to see God in person, and asked, "Why didn't you save me?" "I sent a boat, and a helicopter, what did you want?"
The path to where you need to end up may not be the path you think you need to take. Just give it some thought. If nothing else, I would suggest that you really, really back off for a while. See what happens. You might be surprised. Sometimes the best action is no action.
I think people may be trying to tell you that your marriage is over if you keep following your current path. Kevin, a lot of these people have been down the same road. You don't have to take everything they say as absolute truth, but it sure wouldn't hurt to listen.
