Our sitches are so similar. We have been on parallel paths for a year, but they are just now coming together. It is funny how life works. I would love to hear how you are handling this now. I am just now starting to absorb it. I do not know what I am going to do yet. I am praying for guidance.
Below is what I wrote on my own thread yesterday:
It is so good to see you. I am still holding my own, but finding out new stuff all the time. I just posted to Lost and have pasted the relevant stuff about me below:
I made so many excuses for my H, but when it hits you smack dab in the face, you have to begin to understand that they are not being fair to you.
Yes, they have a right to move and change, but it does not make for a happy camper for those of us on the other side -- the LBS. Never forget that we are all here for a reason.
If God does not reveal it immediately, it is because he knows we cannot handle it. He only gives us as much as we can handle. I truly believe this!
I went to see my priest today. I revealed information I have just recently received. And my priest confirmed to me that it was God's hand that made this information available to me, at this time. If I had it a year ago, I would not have been able to handle it. Trust me when I tell you these things.
Poet, I agree with you. I've counseled others with the same observation, and I found it to be true in my own situation. If you take as a truth God's word in I Cor. 10:13 (and I do), and if you take as a given that different human beings have different capacities to handle things all at once (and I think that's safe to say), and if you figure that there are some very small things we encounter to handle and then there are some really MONSTROUS OBSTACLES . . .
then it only stands to reason that God will only enable to you to handle things a bit at a time, no??
My prayer to God when I was going thru my wife's affair two years ago was for Him to allow me to see what I NEEDED to see, in order to have the boldness to do what needed to be done . . . BUT NOTHING MORE, lest I wouldn't be able to bear it.
poet, being separated for almost 2 years, helped me not to "lose it". Not much at least. The first week I replayed all my life with my new info. So many lies and deceit. A year ago H came back asking to reconcile with me. It was because there was trouble in Paradise AND because I was happy and it showed (gucci is right). It took me more than a month to agree. For ten months I was doubting myself and my ability to forgive. For ten months I lived rejection all over again, luke warm feelings, clumsy attempts to reconnect and many many lonely nights.
I started to feel depressed and I had to pick myself up. My dad has cancer and that helped me put things into perspective. Altough I only recently admitted here I had put a keylogger at my home PC, I did that in January 2009, 3 months after the recocnciliation started. 3 weeks ago (Aug 5th), it all came out. He was joining me and th kids on vacation on Aug 13th.
He had tried to cut off with her. Several times. I saw her emails begging him to give her ano her chance, telling him that I hadent changed and how could he leave her and their past (!!!!), of how she would love our kids and how she gave up the dream of a kid of her own because of him.
I found pictures of them in bed and emails describing IN DETAIL what they were doing in bed and ON HIS DESK (!!!).
I found emails wheer she complains about evrything I ever complained. Asking him to go to C with her. (he would be the first man going to counceling with his W and GF at the same time!!-always a pioneer).
Worst of all, I found proof their affair was really hot while I was in the dark. While I thought we were a family, before I ever suspected ANYTHING was wrong... (she had an abortion before I knew there was a problem between us)
How I deal with it? I am angry because I gave up a man I had strong feelings for, ashamed for being so stupid, amazed that MY husband was leading a double life, shocked that he was able to come home to me, eat dinner, smile, kiss my kids, make love to me and then...plan his next rendevouz with her...
I feel disgusted she uses my kid's name, I feel sorry for my parents and family for making them accept him in their homes, I feel sad I met him and dont know how will I ever be able to coparent with him without despising him. I feel sorry my kids have a father like him.
I think you get my point... K
I will never understand why he kept denying me the divorce while she was such a big part of his life. Right now, he says they are done. I think he figured out she wasnt the love of his life after all, just a little bit late...
Puppy, some of us listen to you, without making a big fuss about it
Ohh and she was assuming all along I was a terrible lover blackmailing at a point that he said he wanted back, to send me an email asking me how many times "we do it and how good it is because for them it was great but unfortunately no more than 4-5 times per day"!!!!
THAT hurt!!! LOL... He was reliving with her, the begining of our relationship but GOT with her where we were at after 11 years... Pretty fast huh?
Oh and in the begining he was remorseful, crying etc When I told our families and friends, he said I am a mean b!tch etc etc. When I told his dad to tell him to shut the f@ck up or I will sue (spelling?) him for endangering my health he apologised...
