A Little Epiphany - (and a newbie delurking)

[givingitmyall]

Dia,

Really sorry to hear about your loss.

[Dia]

Thank you, Gima,

We're in the same boat, you and I. But a) there are doughnuts, and b) at least it's not sinking.

[Kettricken]

Dia, so sorry about your grandmother.

I just wanted, too, to pop in and say how very impressed I am with how you've been handling yourself. The payoffs aren't, of course, entirely under your control ... but they ain't accidents, either.

I was wondering if you've read "Passionate Marriage" by David Schnarch. You are already practicing some of his precepts, and for some reason you just "sound" like a person this book would really resonate with. I highly recommend it.

[Dia]

The apartment where I put in the app just called. I can have it.

It's about 2 blocks from H's place, month-to-month lease, enough space. It's not fabulous but it's minimally adequate. It's also too expensive at $1650/month. I might be able to negotiate the rent down but given the progress in the sitch, maybe I should let it go?

In my convo with H this morning, I told him I was getting a storage unit, and that we could spend some time going through the house (which is way crammed with stuff from a previous downsizing move), get rid of things, put stuff in storage, etc. He said this was a good thing and it's a plan.

I put the apartment people off til Monday so I could 'go over my finances and make sure I'm making the right decision.'

I'm clear to stay here with H until around the beginning of October, and if done right, I think I might be here for good.

Do I take the apt or let it go?? Do I talk to H and let him know it's there, or do I tell him it was too expensive, what?

Thanks!!

[iwantittowork]

Dia,

My thoughts and condolences are with your family. Hope your doing well today, even though it's been a bit of a roller coaster week for you. Keep your hopes up!

[Dia]

Hi, Kettricken!!

Thank you for the kind words and the book recommendation. I have not read it, but maybe I will stop by a bookstore on my drive today. I could use a bit of retail therapy at present.

Btw, do you have an ongoing, current thread? I see you pop in to other people's places, but having trouble finding yours.

Cheers!

Dia

[bluerain]

Hi Dia, Im so sorry for your loss. But your right, she is in a better place. Sounds like you had a good morning.

I would let the apt go. Is it likely that you will be able to find another place between now and Oct, if thats what it comes to? It didnt sound like a very good place for you and your son from your discription as minimally adequate. So I would just let it go and move on, its not what you really want anyway!

[Kettricken]

I used to hang in Sex Starved Marriage, but (a) my marriage is no long sex-starved (wink) and (b) there was a bit of friction (mass bannings, etc) awhile back and a lot of us upped stakes and regrouped on a private board. The moderation on this board is not what one could call consistent, fluctuating wildly between draconian and seemingly-nonexistent. Anyhow, I do more drive-bys here these days.

[Dia]

Ok, as it stands, taking the apartment is wrong for me at this time. On pure pragmatics, it's too expensive and I do not have a job in hand that will pay for it. As regarding my sitch, we're in a very good progress/wait-and-see mode. While this next bit might be fear-based, it's also probably accurate.

H is just beginning to connect, to open up a little, to re-forge bonds with me. If I leave now, I think he will shut down, shut off and retrench with OW.

To recap on the OW, she lives about 2k miles away and they only see each other in person a few times a year. I do not consider this relationship a betrayal (though it does hurt) because it was started in good faith pretty deep into our separation with papers filed, etc. Yes, she needs to go away for us to fully proceed, but I am acting as if she doesn't exist for the most part and my DB Coach agrees.

Ain't no way in heck that an LDR can compete with a sassy, happy, DBing WIFE who is right at his fingertips. As things continue to improve with us, she will drop away. And if she doesn't, I will issue an ultimatum - but that's down the road and may not be needed.

In fact, the longer I live here, the more it will complicate their relationship and, well - GOOD! I don't know if she knows I'm here, but it will become very hard for him to hide it and any decisions about how/what/if to tell her are his to wrestle with, not mine.

I have not yet notified the apartment people that I will not be taking it, so you guys have a day or so to administer 2x4s if you think I need them.

[Dia]

I'm heading down to the desert for the weekend to be with family. I left my stuffed kitty-cat on H's side of the bed with an origami love note between its paws. The written message is simple - "Thank you for being so wonderful. Please take care of my kitty until I get back. (hand drawn heart)- Dia"

The medium is the message?

As an added bonus, since I sleep with the kitty, my perfume is all over it, as well as on one of H's bathrobes that he loaned me.

We did have a telephone good-bye, but it was businesslike - kidlet's with your Dad, there's defrosted chicken in the crisper, etc. There was also this awkward pause (maybe only awkward for him) where he seemed to struggle over saying ILY at the end, but he needed to say it first, so I didn't.

Behave, you lot!