Dia, Im sorry about your tough day! Use the time to take a bath, or do something really great for yourself.
It sounds like things are really going well with your H though, besides him abandoning you tonight. I guess try to not let it get you down? I dont know, its pretty lame that he isnt there for you right now...
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
Gramma was removed from life support around 4:30 and she passed shortly after 6 pm. My mother and sister were there with her, and she's in a better place. When I look up at the sky at night and see the shooting stars, I know she it there.
H got back around 9 pm last night. I was absolutely emotionally exhausted. I probably shouldn't have asked, but I said I would like to sleep in the master bed that night just to not be alone. I did not please or beg, there was strength in stating what I wanted.
He stared at the floor a long time then told me yes, but only f we didn't touch. Rejection time!! If I hadn't goofed by asking, I'm pretty sure I did goof when I backed off saying that if he was uncomfortable, I would just sleep on the couch.
I went to the couch, cried and regrouped for 10 mins or so then dusted myself off and went back to the side of the bed.
"Can I get a do-over? Is the offer for no touching still good?"
He said it was, so I climbed in and we both went to sleep. It's a Cal king bed, so there were at least three feet between us, but being in there at all was extremely soothing, it felt 'right' and it *was* just what I needed at the time.
And there was no touching - until morning. When we woke up, he reached out and held my hand, pulled it to his lips and kissed my fingertips. I gave him three squeezes and he returned them. He said my leg looked awful pretty in the moonlight. I pointed out that he couldn't see my legs at present.
"No, last night when I got up. Your nightgown took a walk and you were just beautiful."
I thanked him and was rewarded with another three squeezes. Then we laid there holding hands until the cats came in and demanded to be fed.
Last edited by Dia; 08/14/0902:47 PM.
The trouble with having an open mind is that people put things in it.
My sitch - Divorce Busted! http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1804137#Post1804137
@ blue - thank you, blue. In general though, he's been wonderful and supportive for me, so I can't really fault him in the overall.
@ Mac - Thanks, Mac. I went to the mom and pop surf shack and burger joint (does that translate?) at the bottom of the hill and got myself a double sourdough bacon cheeseburger and an order of sweet potato fries. I could only eat half, so I shared with FIL after he got home. It was just what the Dr. ordered.
The trouble with having an open mind is that people put things in it.
My sitch - Divorce Busted! http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1804137#Post1804137
Twice now, when I've gotten a bigtime smackdown from him, I have felt that overwhelming, blinding pain, urge to run. To just get in the car, drive away and never come back. Anything to get away from the pain. It's the exact same feeling I was in the grips of when I left 2 years ago. Leaving then was understandable, but it was the coward's way out and I've since decided it was a mistake.
So twice now, I've experienced the feeling, gritted my teeth, dug in my heels and NOT run away. It's a 180 of major proportions, and it's Good for Me. In not running, I am standing up for myself and not giving him or a situation the power to make me miserable or drive me away.
It is not easy. I have to struggle and fight it every time it happens. But I'm doing it.
The trouble with having an open mind is that people put things in it.
My sitch - Divorce Busted! http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1804137#Post1804137
Thank you for stopping by with hugs and good thoughts. I'm ok with it at the moment. I'm sure I'll break down in tears again when I get with the family, but Gramma is pain free and happy now, so I'm happy for her. ----------------------
Back to the sitch...
H initiated his first 'leaving for work' hug in all the visits I've been up here for. It was a really great hug, too. Kidlet saw us and joined in, calling himself the peanut butter in the hug sandwich. I dropped a kiss on the side of H's neck. Not planned, not agonized over - happened so fast and naturally that it probably surprised both of us - pleasantly, I hope.
The trouble with having an open mind is that people put things in it.
My sitch - Divorce Busted! http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1804137#Post1804137
H initiated his first 'leaving for work' hug in all the visits I've been up here for. It was a really great hug, too. Kidlet saw us and joined in, calling himself the peanut butter in the hug sandwich. I dropped a kiss on the side of H's neck. Not planned, not agonized over - happened so fast and naturally that it probably surprised both of us - pleasantly, I hope.
These rituals and history are good signs. Let him come to you seems to be working. We do the same things in our family. Depending on the mood the kids could be the "baloney" in the sandwhich. We do the three squeezes for ILY as well, then we add the two squeezes back for "How much?" then you get a BIG squeeze. You can squeese down the line if all of you are holding hands.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
