How do I go dark while living in the same home. There will be a time before she actually moves out. Do I move out of the room tonight? Do I spend more time out taking care of me and less with the children?
You just got another bomb dropped on you so regroup your thoughts and let your feelings out. First thing to do to get out of a hole is stop digging. This won't last forever and you can handle it. Don't reply to any communication from her today it can wait a day.
She wants to seperate then let it be all on her. She can move, tell the kids, and you don't have to agree but you will not stand in her way.
Take care of yourself and your kids.
Coach
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Thank you. We have a MC session tonight, I will do just that: not agree but not stand in her way either.
However, should I be completely honest about my feelings (that I am extemely hurt, angry, distraught, and anxious) in the session or try to be upbeat and say that "I don't agree but it is ok with me"? Neither one seems right to me.
Never wrong to be honest with your feelings. Can you articulate why you feel the way you do? Why are you angry, hurt, distraught and anxious?
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Angry: I am angry because she has not been completely honest/deceptive with me.
Hurt/Distraught: When the one you love wants to walk away, it hurts (there is no way around it - is there?)
Confused: She tells me that I am her best friend. I am a great father. A great husband. Very good lover (she told me this last night). There is nothing more that I can do to make our relationship better. Yet she still wants to walk away. What gives?
Anxious: My life has been turned upside down. I am anxious that I can't make it through this with my sanity and still be a person I can be proud of. I am afraid that I won't be able to be the father I want to be. And won't be able to build the loving family that I have dreamt of my entire life.
Tristan, I think you need to get professional advice.
Bipolar is not a small thing. With all due respect to the people on the board, you are dealing with mental illness here, and while DR, etc may be helpful, you're talking about your wife being "stabilized" for only a couple of weeks. I wouldn't be taking people's strong opinions about strong actions to be taken without consulting professionals.
Your MC told you to wait until she saw her psych again...I guess the question I have is what are YOU doing, and what is YOUR support here? What is your role with the psych, etc? It sounds like you are involved with the medical process? Yes? Are you receiving any kind of counseling/education/support on dealing with a bipolar spouse?
I'm not saying people here are wrong...I'm just saying I would be careful about following advice intended for ordinary situations.
Lastly...I'll say that you cannot underestimate the deception and mind control a person like this OM is capable of, ESPECIALLY if your wife is having emotional problems to begin with. "Snake" doesn't begin to cover it, but there is no point in telling her that right now.
Thank you breakaway. It sounds like you have some experience with bi-polar. I have not talked to the psych, I have not been invited to the sessions nor have I asked to join. But I listen to what W has told me about them. She admits to being vague about the OM in the psych sessions. I think she is embarrassed as she knew and respected the psych from work before seeing him as a patient.
The MC originally thought that she might have borderline tendencies, but the psyche disagreed and said she was bi-polar 2. The psyche said he would have recognized borderline tendencies when she worked with him. The MC now agrees with the bi-polar diagnosis, but I think he still believes she has borderline tendencies. She has Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from a violent family incident when she was 9 and her sexual-assault at 17 which contributes to the mental problems. She has not had an easy life to say the least.
I know that the "Snake" has great persuassion on her. I know that she has repeated things he has said verbatim. For example, "I know where I need to go (meaning seperation), I am just afraid to get there." She said that in a MC session once. Later, I found an e-mail of him saying almost the exact same thing to her.
Where do I go to get professional help? May I ask to join her at her psych appointment next week? Do I call another psych and set up an appointment for myself? I am at a loss here.
Thank you breakaway. It sounds like you have some experience with bi-polar. I have not talked to the psych, I have not been invited to the sessions nor have I asked to join. But I listen to what W has told me about them. She admits to being vague about the OM in the psych sessions. I think she is embarrassed as she knew and respected the psych from work before seeing him as a patient.
This psych is at her work?? That's a bit sticky, isn't it? I mean if she's involved with someone who was her boss? Sexual harassment could be an issue here. Not to muddy it up anymore!! sorry...really that's not that important right now as long as she's seeing a psych (thank God).
Quote:
The MC originally thought that she might have borderline tendencies, but the psyche disagreed and said she was bi-polar 2. The psyche said he would have recognized borderline tendencies when she worked with him. The MC now agrees with the bi-polar diagnosis, but I think he still believes she has borderline tendencies. She has Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from a violent family incident when she was 9 and her sexual-assault at 17 which contributes to the mental problems. She has not had an easy life to say the least.
I would read what you can online about both bipolar 2 and borderline tendencies, for your own info. The thing is a person can have "tendencies" and not meet the criteria for an actual diagnosis of borderline. But "tendencies" can certainly screw up your life. It's often a confusing overlap between bipolar and borderline, but if medicine improves her condition, then I'd say the doc is right. Personality disorders can't be helped by medication. I am NOT a doctor, so I am only speaking from miserable personal experiences...that's why I say you need to learn more.
Quote:
I know that the "Snake" has great persuassion on her. I know that she has repeated things he has said verbatim. For example, "I know where I need to go (meaning seperation), I am just afraid to get there." She said that in a MC session once. Later, I found an e-mail of him saying almost the exact same thing to her.
This guy is a predator, plain and simple. He's brainwashing her. That can be dealt with, but first I'd say to look at that as a side issue right now, because though it's the biggest visible "problem" right now, it's really symptomatic of what else is going on. I had an EA, and it's been difficult to extract myself emotionally even after it ended, so I will help you understand that how I can.
Quote:
Where do I go to get professional help? May I ask to join her at her psych appointment next week? Do I call another psych and set up an appointment for myself? I am at a loss here.
Honestly, I don't know about those questions. I would call her psych's office and ask them about it. There are also online websites/support groups for loved ones of bipolar and personality disordered people.
This psych is at her work?? That's a bit sticky, isn't it?
The psych is from a job prior to the one with the snake, so there is no relation between the psyche and the snake.
Originally Posted By: breakaway
I would read what you can online about both bipolar 2 and borderline tendencies, for your own info. The thing is a person can have "tendencies" and not meet the criteria for an actual diagnosis of borderline. But "tendencies" can certainly screw up your life. It's often a confusing overlap between bipolar and borderline, but if medicine improves her condition, then I'd say the doc is right. Personality disorders can't be helped by medication.
Believe me, I have done as much reading as I can to understand this. Unfortunately, I don't find a lot of answers on "How to fix things". I just find out why things are happening the way they are. It helps me understand what's going on, but I have no clue how to fix it.
Originally Posted By: breakaway
Honestly, I don't know about those questions. I would call her psych's office and ask them about it. There are also online websites/support groups for loved ones of bipolar and personality disordered people.
