WHOAAAAA!!! THERE HE IS!!!! VERY glad you're alright. This is GREAT! Ok, you're a bit of a knucklehead but hey I know what path you're talking about my man. Ok, we will not send over the 'High Life' delivery driver to your place to confiscate your beer....this time. That guy is pretty cool, eh? Listen, my offer still holds by the way. This day has been a real pain in the butt, but seeing your post just improved that.Aye yi yi, what a day.
HAHA!!! If you send in the High Life confiscation team, I will go over the edge for sure! Those commercials are hysterical by far.
Me 35/XW 33 S13 & S12 M: 10/17/98 OM & S: 07/08 D final 06/09/09 12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing" 06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10 06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
Ok, I think I know how I want to handle this, but just thought I'd throw it out there for opinions.
Boys called again last night begging me to come get them for a bit for the next few nights, "at least for dinner or something" to get away from 'their house' for a while. And, again, S12 sounded like he was nearly in tears wanting to know when I was coming back to town and buying a house. (yeah right, even working two jobs I'll be luck to afford a mobile home no thanks to all this).
Given S11's stated displeasure for OM once again attempting to assert himself into a disciplinary role, and XW pro-claiming to be at odds on what to do about "their" situation, I have a sneaky suspicion that the atmosphere there may be destabilizing.
So the dilemma:
Obviously OM and his immediate exposure to the kids has been and always will be a highly salty issue for me. Sorry, I can forgive her til the cows come home and I have, but that I simply can not. I also will not accept in any way OM thinking he has a role in rearing those boys.
Thus, I need to communicate and remind XW of this. Now, I think the best way for now is to gingerly approach it verbally despite the parenting agreement. The parenting agreement clearly dictates that any concerns in regards to the kids MUST be in written form for record and if I did so, right now I'd be sighting at least 3 provisions of the agreement that she is in violation of and faces contempt of court, ie- potential loss of custody.
But at the same time, I do not want to endanger the highly improved communication between us as of late. Sure, she may just trying to bait me as a safety net again, but as the song goes: "it's too late to apologize", is my stance. However, I am really liking our restated ability to talk openly and not be tiptoeing on eggshells, hell we're ever so close to potentialy at least going to dinner as a 'family' which has not happened since the end of August or so last year?
What would you do? Going the written route would definately set back if not completely shatter a re-developing friendship between us (regardless of her motive). Verbally however may do nothing more but the same. But it does have to be addressed.
Peace, -dylan
Me 35/XW 33 S13 & S12 M: 10/17/98 OM & S: 07/08 D final 06/09/09 12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing" 06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10 06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
As soon as you finaly realize that trying to live in a broken past is nothing but poisenous for yourself and that you are best off leaving that past behind, it gets much, much easier to face life's daily challenges.
Me 35/XW 33 S13 & S12 M: 10/17/98 OM & S: 07/08 D final 06/09/09 12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing" 06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10 06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
As soon as you finaly realize that trying to live in a broken past is nothing but poisenous for yourself and that you are best off leaving that past behind, it gets much, much easier to face life's daily challenges.
You are right on the money with that. It takes time to adjust to a new life after having yours turned upside down. A person has to deal with things their own way and at their own pace.
I told a friend a little over a month ago that I felt they were in a situation that they should get out of. I didn't see the light at the end of the tunnel for them. But now, looking back I made a mistake. Maybe I don't see the light but they do. They are the ones who know when the time is right to move on to the next stage. If they are reading this, they will know who they are. I jumped to conclusions and snapped before thinking.
I have learned that the past is where it belongs...in the past. We can only focus on our lives day to day. At the moment I don't even think it is wise to think too far into the future because none of us know what is out there.
Well, off to pick up the boys and maybe get some ice cream or something and chit chat, get them out of the house as they request. Tomorrow we'll do our famed Wednesday night at the local grill like we used to, they miss that so much and so do I. So bad I put my account in deficit should a pending check hit, but I don't care, the smiles on their face and hanging outside on the patio is a fondly missed memory of old and there isn't much time left to squeeze many in.
XW apparently didn't get my text after my talking to the boys to double check if htis was "ok" with her. Heh, she panacked and said she'd get them ready, I'm assuming she thought I was taking them overnight? Would be nice, but on my new hours, I don't think they'd be very happy getting up so early in the morning.
Anyway, will address my concern as stated before very gingerly. I will start off elaborating in short detail on how it's nice that things are improving. And once again, I will invite her to dinner tomorrow with us. I think it would be very nice for the boys and who knows, put her mind at ease for a bit?
-dylan
Me 35/XW 33 S13 & S12 M: 10/17/98 OM & S: 07/08 D final 06/09/09 12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing" 06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10 06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
Well, in my own seemingly disasterous way, I think we might be reaching a milestone.
"Ice cream" with the boys turned into dinner. XW claimed to not know I wasn't taking them for dinner last but tonight. Long story short, XW thought it would be a nice time to do some "running around" with OM while we were out, whatever.
Well, when I dropped the boys off, I ahd to wait 20 minutes for them to get back. XW came to talk, but at the same time OM was lurking way too close for my tolerance range and I did not get an opportunity to address anything since he was so close, and then playing with MY kids like they were his own. She sensed that I'm sure.
The only conversation that really got anywhere was her wanting to "switch" for "memorial day weekend". LOL, even my 11 year old knows that it's Labor Day coming up. So I said, I'm not sure what's going on yet. She starts going into detail on what she'll be doing Friday night, then Saturday night, and all I can reply is I don't know what's going on yet, meaning with me, and hinting the answer is no as I am not a babysitter to accomodate her fun time with OM. So she finally says "I just told you what's going on!". I just cocked my head over in sarcastic fasion and said, I don't know what I'M doing yet, I have a life too ya know". Her jaw litteraly dropped, guess she didn't see that one coming.
So, went "home" and soothed a miserable day at work and tried as best I could to get the image of that undeserving slime of a being enjoying tine at will with MY kids. Upon clearing my head of that, I sent XW a text that she is as always cordially invited to join me and the boys for dinner. No reply and I went about my soothing. Tensions were a little high as my cousin wanted me to go look at a new truck for her, and she was upset with her son for a few reasons, of course, I bore the brunt on his behalf.
Apparently later on, "dummy me" sent another message saying "I don't know why you hate me so much, just listened to 'sorry' (Buckcherry) 10 times over. love-d". The song had significant meaning when it came out as that was when we reconcilled our seperation in April of last year and had unquestionable the best 4 weeks of our years together.
So, I thought I'd let it be, but no, had to go in damage control mode. Sent a message a little while ago, "sorry for the last message, tensions were high at 'home' and was hoping to hear from you about dinner". I immediately figured taht would net zero response.
Minutes later, she replied "I was in bed at 9pm, at work, I'll call you later". So I'm figuring crisis averted? We'll see, everytime I invite her with us, she'll just text back that something is going on, sorry. This time a call?
Me 35/XW 33 S13 & S12 M: 10/17/98 OM & S: 07/08 D final 06/09/09 12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing" 06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10 06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
According to her, she can't because she has alot going on.
According to the kids, she can't because "he" will get mad and the will fight, and he will leave her.
There's clearly mcuh more than meets the eyes behind the scene there.
My, our boys are getting so depressed. S11 handles it ok, but I nearly had to pry S12 out of my truck after 20 or so minutes of him begging and pleading to 'go home with dad'.
It's all worse, not better.
For the record, I came here, not to her. I only texted her when I got home to see if S12 was ok. She said "he has his moods". I only replied this is getting worse instead of bettr.
I can not come to words to describe the emotion on her face when S12 just wanted to be with me and I had comfort him for so long. That look must echo the pain in my heart for the sacrafice I made giving her those kids thinking that it was beter off to just end it.
Now, hind sight 20/20, I was wrong. I should have gone that one step further. I should have let them have their say.
I just still look back upon that look on her face and try to wonder what was going through her head. Then I realized, like a fool, a blind, beknown fool, I still feel for her.
Does it ever go away?
Me 35/XW 33 S13 & S12 M: 10/17/98 OM & S: 07/08 D final 06/09/09 12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing" 06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10 06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
It is hard on us but much harder on the kids. Just let your kids know you are there for them. Spend as much time with them as possible. They will soon realize no matter what happens between you and their mother, you will still be there for them. Their fear is losing you.
Watch your son regarding his "moods". Maybe he needs to talk with someone who is not linked to the situation. My kids are older but they had problems dealing with it and both got very depressed. Gave them each a notebook to write their feelings down. It helped a lot.
It is hard to not have feelings for someone you loved for so long. I will admit that it does somewhat go away. I can say I am over my xh for good. It was a long battle but I have reached the end of my rope with him. I got tired of hanging on. I let go and feel free now. I am beginning my new life and so far it is great.
