Bugs Bunny:"GET ME OUTTA HERE"

[dl443322]

So, I guess that is kinda some decent news about not being thrown out of your home. But that means more time in the house with her, right?

FIB, listen, I am going to be in the same boat soon. Losing my home. Breaks my heart, really. I have been here 21 years.

But, in the end, it matters to me how I acted throughout this. It wont give me a roof over my head, but it matters.

Your children will be ok, if you are. You will set the tone.
You are their daddy. They love you. That wont change. The rest is geography. Heartbreaking for you, yes. But you will continue to be one of the most important people in their lives. Count on it.

Hang in there, my friend. The best is yet to be.

[faithisbelieving]

Court today. Again....I stand in line to go in surrounded by a cast of seedy looking people. FIB

[faithisbelieving]

Court

A victory? Of sorts? I was not thrown out of the house nor was STBXW awarded temporary sole custody. NO MORE DIVORCE HEARINGS (except for order of protection stuff next week). Trial is set for Dec. 3 but we fully expect to have a settlement by then.

So, I am in. In until this is done. Everything hinges around the disposition of the house and our individual shares of the equity.

No more hearings. Thank G-d. So, we are in the settlement phase.

Story

I present one of the things I have difficulty processing or, leaving behind:

I began a brief conversation with a women sitting across from me. A tall...attractive blond with a body that was obviously in excellent shape. We both started talking about how tired we were of this process. Hers began in April '08, mine in Dec '07. Both of us were living under the same roof with our spouses.

Her name was 'Natasha'...was Polish...married 18 years and had 4 children. She lived in one of the more expensive areas of Long Island with 6-8 acres and a 10,000 sq.ft home. BIG $$$$ here. Her H started his own business and had her sign a prenup. Now, the business is failing and there are liens on the home.

She said that, after 18 years, she was just getting tired of it all and one day she woke up and said that she couldn't take it anymore. Her H was comfortable 'as is'. Similar to my STBXW (OK, a soft spot), she began to run in triathlons (Ironman) and has fallen into a new group of people and lauded one man who was into drugs and turning his life around. This required her to leave for entire weekends and she would leave the kids with him (he doens't like this and he is making an issue of it...that I am not around). He has to take care of them on the weekends. She wants to go on with her life and start living again. The H, of course, feels they should reconcile since they are still living under the same roof and things are status quo.

I still find the MLC thing...abandon your marriage.....etc...a difficult thing to process mentally. It's still hard to conceptualize how some folks do complete 180's and go from stable mom and wife to physically fit sexual machines that shoot out into the night.

So, I still have some processing to do myself.

I still am happy that I found that pdf that we discussed previously, that decsribes what my STBXW is....it made an impact and helped get me out of limbo.

So, all, within the next 3 months....I will lose the home that I have lived in for 10 years..built, planted, started a family in...and lose time with my kids.

BTW....my L wants me to asked for joint shared vs joint physical. Feel free to chime in on this.

FIB

[smith18]

I have my fingers crossed that you find out there is a finish line date today.

[faithisbelieving]

There is KerryK...see above. Hope you had fun in Hawaii. It's a gorgeous place. Bittersweet since I honeymooned there. Keep your advice coming in Kerry. You've been amazing at the success you've had in detaching and moving forward. FIB

[dl443322]

FIB, I am glad that things are moving along for you. Not what you wanted, I know. It is hard to leave behind the life we thought we were going to have. It is heartbreaking to think about not being with our children all the time.

But, try as hard as you can to see a future with some peace and happiness in it one day. Be open to the possibility that that you will be ok as will your children.

You will never be the same as you once were. But, in many good ways you will have grown and changed. You will find peace and love again. And you deserve it.

[faithisbelieving]

Thanks BM. Her L has already faxed over a basic outline for settlement.My L is already responding. Unexpected, but, she may not want to stay in the house. That poses some 'interesting issues', that is, I may be left with the sinking ship that must go up for sale. This looks like we will settle. FIB

[dl443322]

Well, settlement is good, no? Yeah, the house, well, take it one step at a time. That's all you can do.

[Jeff223]

Good job FIB. If you were the low life your stbx makes you to be the judge would have booted your a$$ out the door.

The custody thing - don't get bogged down in what you call it. Shared vs joint - legal terms only. The important thing is the schedule. How often and when you keep the kids. That is all that matters.

Also, don't walk away from the table without joint LEGAL custody. You both need to have a say in the important legal stuff (school, medical, etc). Must gotta have.

Other than that you are doing well. Keep it up. Sorry about your dog but he had a lot of love; hope we do as well.

Strength and Honor.

BBA - welcome back and thanks for checking on our friend. How are you doing??

[Bworl]

FIB,

Glad to hear that there was no particularly bad news in your meeting yesterday.

I do not know the different between joint shared and joint physical. My understanding was that joint meant both would have a certain amount of custodial time. I personally have sole physical custody and we have joint legal custody. I will chime in with Jeff and say that joint legal custody is an absolute must.

Houses are things, despite how much they come to mean to us. I am terribly sorry to think that you might well lose yours, but I also know that you have the ability to make a home where ever you choose to do so. Sometimes a clean start is a good thing, and while there are no doubt priceless good memories in your current home, the past few years have built more than a few less positive ones I would imagine.


As for time apart from your children, I can't tell you how sorry I am that you will have to deal with that. As you are aware, I turned out to be lucky in having a spouse that willingly gave up physical custody of her son, so that I have missed very few days with him. I will encourage you though by telling you that there are men on this very site who have found a way to make less than full custody with their children still be vibrant and rich time. If you approach these upcoming changes with the same passion and integrity that you've handled the past several years, your children will know that they are well loved and that they have an incredibly safe haven with a father who would do anything for them.


Stay strong. I'm glad that your last couple posts seem to indicate that you are finally seeing a light at the end of this long tunnel.


Blessings,

Bill