A Little Epiphany - (and a newbie delurking)

[dolphin_05]

Take Care, Dia

[mac-ct]

Dia,

My thoughts and prayers are with you and yours.

"May we all have that same blessing"

Amen

Mac

[Dia]

Thanks, folks.

Despondent. That's a good word for me at the moment. H has been awesome. Lots of hugs, stroked my hair, stroked my arm - there was even a moment when I thought he was going to lean in and kiss me. Kidlet sort of put the kibosh on the movie date - not kidlet's fault. It sort of just didn't happen the way I think we thought it would.

So here I am on the frikken couch. H has been wonderful and the hugs have had more and more tenderness in them but God it would have been nice to sleep in the Master bed. Not just to be close to H - and hell yes I'd have been hoping he'd hold me - but also because the Master bed is such this safe and sacred place. Just being in the room was soothing for me. Was it too much to ask to sleep there?? (venting)

Yeah, it was and I didn't ask but sodditall, I wish he'd offered. He did offer me the futon in the guest room but that's where I slept when things got really bad and no way in heck am I going back into that room with those feelings in it.

Grump!!

Gramma - we'll never know exactly what happened, but she has a fractured skull, a collapsed lung from the CPR and 1st and 2nd degree burns on her back from laying so long on the hot pavement. (And boy does that last one just break my heart.) She is on life support, but because of the DNR order, it will be withdrawn once the family has had time to gather. She is not expected to regain consciousness.

I will go for the funeral, but the good-bye I had with her is a far better way for me to remember her than in the hospital. The family are all in shock. Her health was so much better than his that we expected her to outlive him by several years. When he went into the hospital this week, we were worried that *he* might not come out. Nobody ever thought we'd lose Gramma instead.

Her birthday was Aug. 23rd.

Her ICU nurse is my sister's high school sweetheart. He recognized Gramma when she came in and has been at her bedside almost non-stop. My sister's cell phone was dead today, and Charlie drove to her house to tell her because none of us could get her on the phone.

He's divorced; so is she. Would be interesting to see if they rekindle something after this.

[bluerain]

Oh Dia, Im so sorry. I know that right now it might be hard to see, but I am so thankful that you get to remember her as healthy, vibrant and loving, and that you got that goodbye, thats pretty special. I hope that your H can look past recent difficulties and be there for you.

Dont beat yourself up over what you could have done, when its your time, its your time, and it sounds like she had a wonderful life.

I agree, hopefully we will all have the same blessing!

(((Dia)))

[Dia]

Looks like I'll be walking on the beach today (see relevant post in Smiley's thread.)

Venting

I'm angry today. It does help that I know anger is just a different flavor of pain, but I'm angry that on top of everything else, I have to be getting a flipping apartment right now in the middle of all of this. And I'm angry that I can't even sleep in the master bed with my flipping husband. And most of all, I'm angry at him for not being able or willing to step out of his own hurt/anger shell.

Now go back and replace 'angry' with 'hurt'. Same diff.

I am not being angry at or around H, but the feelings are there.

And for what it's worth, I'm also extremely grateful that H has been so loving and supportive, and this makes me love/want him more than ever.

I'll take Emotional Messes for 500, Alex.

[Coach]

I'll take Emotional Messes for 500, Alex.

Alex - "Oh, that sound means it's the Daily Double. Here's the clue: My Happiness."

Dia - "What I am responsible for?"


DING DING DING

[givingitmyall]

Hi Dia.

Praying for you.

Recognize the down side of the rollercoaster for what it is: the down side of the rollercoaster. Let it run it's couse, knowing it will end. Leave it at the beach today.

Those dam$ expectations will bite you every time. Completely understandable. Shake it off and get back with the plan.

You can do it.

[Dia]

Thank you, Gentlemen.

Ok, I am firmly grasping my own bootstraps and getting on with the day and my life in general. Mundania - laundry, banking, have to go to training for the new job, etc but it has to be done and I'm the only one who can make it happen.

Time to hit the shower and get my game face on.

[Dia]

At issue today:

1) Kidlet is not yet registered for the school here and there is the possibility that the school may be full. This was H's responsibility to take care of and he has not done so. This is not my issue to fix, right? Normally, when this stuff happens, I save him. Does it matter that a child-related issue is at stake?

2) Pursuant to this, kidlet's school starts two weeks from yesterday and H is still allowing kidlet to stay up until sometime between 10 and 11:30 ish. There will be a very rude awakening (for kidlet) if this is still going on when school starts. I have been hands-off about this. H's house, H's rules, not my place to interfere. Advice?

Thanks,

Back-to-business Dia

[givingitmyall]

Dia,

1. I think a decision @ kidlet is a joint decision. He comes 1st. So, my $0.02 worth is just as H if kidlet has been registered. Don't blame H - just ask then see what he says.

2. See # 1.