New Boundaries for the Bride

[sleeper]

I awoke angry at X this morning.

I'm angry at what she has done to the children and I'm angry at what she has done to me.

I know that anger is closer to love than indifference but I feel it's a move in the right direction.

I'm looking forward to indifference.

[Dawn of Hope]

I awoke angry at X this morning.

I'm with ya...I've been angry at my H for 2 years now, although I know it's not a good or healthy thing, and I keep fighting it, so it's been gradually diminishing. Last night I dreamed that I saw my FIL's phone list, and it had (H's name) & (OW's name), like they were M...even though no papers have been filed in my case.

I think it is perfectly normal for you to be angry at her...although hopefully you won't stay that way too long, since, as we all know, it's not good for YOU.

I'm looking forward to indifference.

ME TOO! ME TOO!

...Now where did I put that detachment??!

Peace,
Dawn

[Grace_O]

I know that anger is closer to love than indifference but I feel it's a move in the right direction.

When my intuition tells me somethng is right, I listen (mostly). Often it is counter to what most would do/believe. Still, I find listening has helped me.

HUGS

[Andabelle]

Maybe your "anger" is just appropriate righteous indignation. Your X is a selfish twit.

I am so sorry about your Aunt. I know it's not the same, but I lost yet another dog last Monday (makes 5 pets shuffled off since H left). I wonder when the hits will stop coming.

[sleeper]

I've confirmed a pattern of behavior but not quite sure how to respond.

I recieved a flurry of contact beginning yesterday from X. It started yesterday with back to school questions, comments. I dropped off the kids back to school supplies at her house when no one was there. She complemented me on my purchases and how much the kids loved the items. X had the kids and I agreed to her request to keep them one extra night so she could take them to school their first day back.

Today she TMed me and asked If she could keep them tonight also saying she would pick them up after school today if I agreed. I responded with a short "no, I'll keep them" as I'm trying to establish a clearer boundary about such matters. She responded, "Ok, hope you had a good first day back at school. :)"

Later in the afternoon she called and asked if she could meet us for dinner as she wanted to vist with the kids about their first day back. I thought about it and decided to agree as I have never denied her access to our children (even though she GREATLY feared I would at one point after I was served D papers). It has become a bit of a cliche' as I have often asked her, "Have I ever denied you your children?" Her response is always, "No" as I never have. To do so would also be denying the children their mother of course.

So we met for dinner (the four of us) at a favorite Chinese resturant. Kids were great, conversation was great. It was very relaxed. We talked a little old times, mutual friends, politics, personal finances, showed each other pics on our cell phones, etc. She never mentioned Ladyfriend and I never mentioned OMH although one time DS did address me by using his name and I calmly corected him by saying, "I'm not _____, I'm your dad." She was going to pick up the tab as it was her idea but I suggested we split the bill and we did.

She called me later but I couldn't get the phone in time as I was driving and she immediately called DD's phone. I don't even remember why now.

Here's the pattern: OMH is out of town.

Some will no doubt say I should not have met with her and let her be alone without OMH or her children. I thought the same thing at first but decided to go "with my intuition" on this one.

"Keep your friends close and your enemies even closer"?

[Andabelle]

I don't know. She needs to live with the ramifications of the divorce/marriage to OM, but you guys also need to coparent peacefully. Your call.

[forward]

Could be fun to the Other Other Man. OOM

[Andabelle]

OBM (Other BETTER Man)!

[sleeper]

I TMed X this afternoon to ask about kidswap this evening. Later she called me just prior to the time I would normally take kids to her. She said she had just taken a very bad fall while waterskiing and injured her back, was considering going to the hospital.

She called a few minutes later and asked me to stay on the phone with her. OM's boat was broken down (it often does) and she was "freaking out". X has a touch of hypochondria and is prone to go into a tissy when injured or sick. The boat was being towed to the dock by another but and I could hear OMH in the back from time to time. He wasn't being a major jerk but I don't think he was being as understanding as I was. She wanted me to stay on the phone with her.

I told her I'd keep the kids tonight as it seemed the logical thing to do. She repeated several time that she missed them and wished she could see them. We finally hung up.

Later she called to let me know she wasn't hurt too badly and asked if I could bring the kids by to see her. I declined as it was late.

There were some other nuances to this of course.

I couldn't help but wonder how OMH felt as his bride called me because she was worried she might be injured and asked me questions. I offered and kept kept the kids tonight. I later declined bringing the kids to her so she could "see them" (there is a limit).

Finally she called to thank me for keeping the kids tonight and chit-chatted about her back {a strain} and the kids first week at school, etc.

[graceallday]

she is emotionally connected to u ..has never let that go and the triangle is in tact..good u r holding some boundries...i do think if marrying more than one was legal...shed be all for it...