A Little Epiphany - (and a newbie delurking)

[Dia]

So to get out of the house (and feed myself as hunger was contributing to poor mental attitude) I took the kidlet to lunch at the quaint cafe at the bottom of the hill. We had to share an entree due to finances, but that just made the experience more special. I talked to kidlet about the impending move, the school change, the likely living arrangements, etc.

Then I drove him over to see the place we'll most likely be renting. It's minimally adequate (ok, it's kind of a dive), but it's close by and offers a month-to-month lease which would accommodate moving back in together if things should go that way. When kidlet and I got back, H was tending to the outdoor plants in his container garden. Kidlet chattered excitedly at H about the rental we just saw.

I was a minute or two behind him as I'd had to gather things from the car. When I got there, H turned to me, indicated the lovely nest of spiders in the rosemary bush near the door and said, "Since you're staying, I should probably clean these out, hmm?" I'm arachnophobic, so spider-abatement is something of a running joke with us.

Excuse me - I'm staying?? WTF!?!

I just laughed and let him continue talking about how the spiders seem to have eliminated whatever little pest was eating the basil leaves planted right next to the rosemary.

I have no clue what he meant by saying I'm staying. He could mean for the week as my new job starts tomorrow. Or maybe... since the comment followed so closely on kidlet chattering about our possible apartment... maybe he means something more long-term??

I guess I'll find out soon enough.

[The Wifey]

Dia, Remember, no expectations and just be in the moment.

[Dia]

Yeah, until I'm told explicitly otherwise, I'm going with just the week.

[Dia]

Well, crapola. Now I have BOTH grandparents in the ER. Waiting for news on Gramma.

[Dia]

H came in to commiserate with me over the grandparent sitch. I feel helpless being here in SB while they're in the hospital.

We walked back into the office and kidlet was playing a video game involving a sandworm. The graphics were 80's vintage, so the first jokes were scatological as the worm looked, well, scatological. Then the worm breached and dove back into the ground, promting a cry of "Shai Hulud!!" from yours truly. (A Dune reference for you non sci-fi geeks)

So I remarked to H, "Wow, I could totally watch that movie." And H came back with, "Good. Let's watch it tonight." I only steal from the best, so I responded with , "Deal!"

Then the phone rang - so see next post.

[Dia]

For all intents and purposes, my grandmother is gone. My grandfather was discharged today and a friend drove Gramma to pick him up. She was getting the wheelchair out of the trunk of the car when she just collapsed. We don't know yet if it was a heart attack, stroke, she hit her head or what but when the paramedics arrived, there was no pulse. By the time she reached the hospital, they had gotten her heart restarted but they are still unsure about brain function. She has a Do Not Resuscitate order in place which my grandfather temporarily halted until we know a little more.

H is being wonderful - hugs, emotional support, etc.

And you can probably guess where I am. I should have been there. I should have stayed with her and gotten him myself but my mother told me to go north to pursue the jobs. That wheelchair was too heavy for her to manage. I didn't want to drive up today. I wanted to stay down south to make sure they were ok. $13/hour is not worth the last days or hours of my grandparents' lives.

Can I get off this ride, please?

[givingitmyall]

Dia,

I'm very sorry for you.

And you can probably guess where I am. I should have been there. I should have stayed with her and gotten him myself but my mother told me to go north to pursue the jobs. That wheelchair was too heavy for her to manage. I didn't want to drive up today. I wanted to stay down south to make sure they were ok. $13/hour is not worth the last days or hours of my grandparents' lives.

Give yourself a break. You have a lot on your plate, and you did not know this was going to happen.

Don't beat yourself up.

[Dia]

Thanks, GIMA.

Yeah, it was a freak thing but I was raised Catholic. Guilt R Us.

On the up-side, my last words to her were, "I love you," and she told me that I've always been her favorite grand-daughter (not like I'll repeat that to my sibs).

At least I got to say good-bye?

[LuLu]

Thanks, GIMA.

Yeah, it was a freak thing but I was raised Catholic. Guilt R Us.

On the up-side, my last words to her were, "I love you," and she told me that I've always been her favorite grand-daughter (not like I'll repeat that to my sibs).

At least I got to say good-bye?

I am so sorry. I can completely relate with the Catholic guilt but you shouldn't have any right now. The fact that you had this closure is huge. And yes, I would say it was a goodbye. You got to tell her that you loved her which is the HUGEST! Take care of yourself and do not beat yourself up any longer.

[Dia]

Thank you, LuLu.

Interestingly enough, my last conversation with my Grandmother was about her marriage. She said she'd had 62 years of mostly good marriage and she hoped they both lived long enough to see 63.

May we all have that same blessing.