She would actually be happy about it. It would mean to her that I am further out of her life and that could further justify her actions that she is taking in her mind.
Again, more speculation and mind reading on your part which leads to you ALLOWING your W to fill your head space again. Wasting mental and emotional energy on what your W may or may not be thinking takes away from the work you need to be doing and shows how far you are from even being slightly detached.
But I guess we will see if anything comes from it.
Since you want to see if anything comes from it, it seems to me you have some expectation or hope something *will* come from it. It seems you had a motive of some sort and the motive wasnt for the GAL Kevin, it was for your W. Again, not detached at all.
And it speaks volumes that your soon to be ex SIL would share things with you about your W such as her financial issues, squabbles with her mom or the divorce papers. It smacks of gossip and people that try and "share info" of such a personal nature usually are the ones to stay away from. If she wanted to visit with you and ask about the kids or your job or some other neutral topic that is fine but the topic of conversation was inappropriate and IMO brought up for a reason.
But once again - toady has been all about your speculating, mind reading and wondering about your W. Shocker.
Yup. Couldn't put it any better than that. or any clearer. And I love what Steve McQ wrote. It's perfect.
Kev - people can only be helped if they want to be helped. I read your thread and sometimes wonder if you want to be helped. You have so many great people guiding you here. But you are not trying. Please listen. Please read and reread the posts to you. Then react.
Mules
M 43 W 44 M 17 T 22 S16,12,9 Bomb 2/05/08 I served her 1/06/09 S'd 3/15/09 D'd 12/21/09
"Tough times don't last, tough people do." --My Dad to me years ago, me to my boys now.
My W called and told me tonight that our van is going to cost more to fix than it is worth, so she may trade it in for another vehicle.
Then she told me that she may need me to help her out financially for a month.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
That kind of frusturated me. Every time I want to put some kind of faith into my W, something else happens to make me lose it.
I also found my W owes $2,500 in rent as of today. She hasn't paid since early June and that was only a quarter payment for the month of June. Why isn't she managing her money better? I guess the track record continues.
Right now, Kevin, you should not have faith in your W. You should have faith in you and only you. What could, might, maybe might happen with your wife requires you to have faith, strength, patience, and self-relience.
Simply put, the WA is in a fog. She doesn't know up from down right now. She could be working her way back to you or totally done. That is reality. It is what it is.
I know it isn't what you want to hear, but it is true. Face it, have a good cry if you have to and then work on Kevin.
A person that gets that far behind in rent is not ready for you to put faith in them yet. TBD, to be determined.
DO NOT talk to family about this. Intel does nothing for you and certainly can come back to bite you in the ars down the road. Understand?
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
My W called and told me tonight that our van is going to cost more to fix than it is worth, so she may trade it in for another vehicle.
Then she told me that she may need me to help her out financially for a month.
Kevin
I am so sorry to hear that W. I have to think about your request.
Wait at least 48 hours to answer. Don't answer calls, texts or emails for 48 hours. You have been busy, with AA, with C, with C for the girls. (You have, haven't you?) Been giving it thought.
Decide if you really want to help. Not because you think it will make her come back to you or see you as the nice guy.
Ask yourself how in the heck she is going to trade in the car, get a new one, and then make the payments. Oh, that's right. She asked you for financial help.
Be careful, Kevin.
Last edited by The Wifey; 08/07/0902:59 AM. Reason: Added more info
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
Then she told me that she may need me to help her out financially for a month.
Kevin
LOL. you do know where this is going?
make sure you wear protection! you have no idea who your wife has been sleeping with. and for god's sake, keep your heart out of it, kevin. it is only going to be "give me money" sex.
My W called and told me tonight that our van is going to cost more to fix than it is worth, so she may trade it in for another vehicle.
Then she told me that she may need me to help her out financially for a month.
Kevin
Hey K!! Wow this is a surprise. Not! Just remember what she has been saying to your SIL about you. I think she has some set on her to come and ask you for money. She is going to use you, and try to take advantage of your good nature. Don't fall for it. Don't forget that she owes the rent money also. Bro, if I was you I would not give her one penny. I guess the grass is not greener, but that's not your problem.
Here's your opportunity.
"W - I'm very sorry to hear you are going through financial difficulties right now. That must be so hard. I really hope things turn for you."
And leave. Bro, this is what she wanted. Let her have it, but don't throw it in her face. Lovingly detach, remember. She leaves you despite you being there for her, watching all the BS, hearing lies she's saying behind your back, and now she wants help????
Kev - this is an opportunity to look attractive. Show that you have moved on.
Just my $.02.
Strength and Honor.
Mules
M 43 W 44 M 17 T 22 S16,12,9 Bomb 2/05/08 I served her 1/06/09 S'd 3/15/09 D'd 12/21/09
"Tough times don't last, tough people do." --My Dad to me years ago, me to my boys now.
I will give it your W that she does appear to own a set of brass ones. I like the response above "Gee, W, I am sorry to hear of your financial troubles and I hope things turn around for you soon".
Say no more, no less. You cannot control her reaction so let her get mad, swear, yell or do whatever she is going to do. WAS that cheat dont get help on new car payments. Your W is nice to you when she needs something, otherwise she has made it clear you are highly disposable to her. This is your chance to begin setting a precedent - this will *not* continue.
You can validate her concerns and show compassion but that is it. This is a GOLDEN opportunity for you. As Ari Gold would say.... "silence is golden, Loyd" (are you an Entourage fan?). In your case... "silence is golden, Kevin"
Here is the thing. She picked this health insurance plan that costs $600 a month. They didn't take out initial premiums the first couple of months. So they started taking out back premiums plus current premiums which brougt $1,200 a month out of my W's paycheck. I didn't help out with any of that being as how I thought it was a bad plan to begin with and I told her that, but she signed up for it anyways. Again, my thinking was that she already makes almost twice what I do, so she can pick up the premiums. Everything else I split the bills with her. But between that and missing work and the van needing repairs and her not compromising her lifestyle, she has hit some financial issues that she is trying to figure out how to cover. She has to get caught back up on her rent and now will probably get another vehicle. Of course she won't choose something smart and practicle to drive. She has to go for the bigger better vehicle.
Ya, I hold the title for the van and would have to sign it over for her to trade in along with maybe having to help her out financially for a month.
I guess I am just wondering what Jesus would expect of me in this situation. I am her covenant H regardless of what her mindset is. Does he expect me to help out being that I am her H? I would think that he does if she truly needs help. But I would think she could curve some things first before asking.
We will see what she does. I know that I will not co sign for a new vehicle for her given the obvious situation at this time. Maybe she will be able to get it without me.
"give me money" sex. Interesting. That would be expensive sex. lol.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
