I didn't ask for any info. SIL just decided to provide it to me. I probably should have asked her not to talk to me about it though.
Next time I will just ask her not to discuss it with me.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
No, dont ask her not to, tell her you will not discuss it and you would appreciate her not to bring anything up regarding your W again.
(A) keeping family out of it is key and it will only add more bad feelings and it borders on gossip.
(B) You are not detached enough to hear these things because you have now made 2 posts about your W and HER issues/problems. So, 2 mentions of your W in one day. We are back to square one of you not mentioning your W at all.
If you were detached anything you hear about her would go in one ear and out the other and you wouldnt give it a second thought. And you wouldnt have to worry about giving it a second thought if you removed yourself from any conversation about your W from a third party source. Especially if that 3rd party source is one of HER family members.
Your W's SIL might act all friendly and conversational with you but anything that is said will go right back to your W and it might not be in the correct context. It sort of speaks volumes that your SIL would bring up what your W is saying at all, dont you think?
It sort of speaks volumes that your SIL would bring up what your W is saying at all, dont you think?
I am not sure that I follow what you are saying on this sentence. Do you mean it speaks volumes against my W or how my SIL might be or what?
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Thanks CityGirl - everything is right back to where it was. I know you are trying hard to get Kev to detach. I can't believe how much he talks and wonders about whatshername. I'm not sure what else we can do. There is no way I'll believe that she doesn't sense this in him and is completely turned off right now. No way anyone here can convince me otherwise.
Kev, bro - get back to you. Get back to where you were. Don't care about her back rent or who thinks what about dropping the D. You need to start working harder at this. No more two steps forward, three steps back. It has to got to stop.
Get back to not thinking or talking or mentioning her. You'll be amazed how much you can accomplish.
I want to hear more about the two women that invited you to the softball game. Where are you in the 100 pushup club? What else do you have going on for you?? Please stop the madness.
Strength and Honor.
Mules
M 43 W 44 M 17 T 22 S16,12,9 Bomb 2/05/08 I served her 1/06/09 S'd 3/15/09 D'd 12/21/09
"Tough times don't last, tough people do." --My Dad to me years ago, me to my boys now.
I want to hear more about the two women that invited you to the softball game. Where are you in the 100 pushup club? What else do you have going on for you??
The 2 women that invited me are just friends. One is a former coworker. I went and watched them play. I'm a little worried about the fact that SIL was there and that she might tell my W something that was not true as we are merely friends and nothing more. They know where I stand on my M.
I was supposed to do push ups and squats again last night, but I was so sore that I couldn't do it. I'm am going to attempt to do it tonight and saturday to stay on track.
For me, I am hanging out with people, reading, and I am planning on going dancing with friends Friday night and do my nature hike Saturday during the day and church on Sunday and then dinner with a bunch of friends Sunday night.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
[quote=K4DI'm a little worried about the fact that SIL was there and that she might tell my W something that was not true as we are merely friends and nothing more. [/quote]
????????????????????????????????????????????????? Worried? might be the best thing that could possibly have happened Kevin. Wow. Kevin's got some girlfriends. Wow. Kevin isnt as depressive and needy as I taught. Wow. Kevin's moving on with his life without me. Has Kevin changed? Hmmmmm... maybe I will call him to tell him I'm up $hit creek and in debt. Wow. Kevin's not answering. Is he out with those softball sluts agains? What am I doing? Where am I going? Where's Kevin?
She would actually be happy about it. It would mean to her that I am further out of her life and that could further justify her actions that she is taking in her mind.
But I guess we will see if anything comes from it.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
She would actually be happy about it. It would mean to her that I am further out of her life and that could further justify her actions that she is taking in her mind.
Again, more speculation and mind reading on your part which leads to you ALLOWING your W to fill your head space again. Wasting mental and emotional energy on what your W may or may not be thinking takes away from the work you need to be doing and shows how far you are from even being slightly detached.
But I guess we will see if anything comes from it.
Since you want to see if anything comes from it, it seems to me you have some expectation or hope something *will* come from it. It seems you had a motive of some sort and the motive wasnt for the GAL Kevin, it was for your W. Again, not detached at all.
And it speaks volumes that your soon to be ex SIL would share things with you about your W such as her financial issues, squabbles with her mom or the divorce papers. It smacks of gossip and people that try and "share info" of such a personal nature usually are the ones to stay away from. If she wanted to visit with you and ask about the kids or your job or some other neutral topic that is fine but the topic of conversation was inappropriate and IMO brought up for a reason.
But once again - toady has been all about your speculating, mind reading and wondering about your W. Shocker.
The 2 women that invited me are just friends. One is a former coworker. I went and watched them play. I'm a little worried about the fact that SIL was there and that she might tell my W something that was not true as we are merely friends and nothing more. They know where I stand on my M.
Kev - Who cares what she thinks?? A I actually think it would be great if she got the wrong impression. Maybe slap her down a notch or two. Stop worrying about her, and stop trying to figure out what she's thinking. You can't control her. You control you. But the thing is, you're not controlling you. In a way, you're letting her control you. Stop it. Please. Listen, we've all been where you are. That's why we're here trying to help you. And we all did this. That's why I know you can also. Stop mentioning her.
Start living for you. Not for you AND her. It's you and the kids. Just Do It.
Strength and Honor.
Mules
M 43 W 44 M 17 T 22 S16,12,9 Bomb 2/05/08 I served her 1/06/09 S'd 3/15/09 D'd 12/21/09
"Tough times don't last, tough people do." --My Dad to me years ago, me to my boys now.
