A, Glad to read that you'll be okay with the fair division of assets. That's very important. Yep, it's like a game of sorts, but it's very, very real. You need to leave him alone and allow him to come to you when he is ready to contact you. No, the don't erase all of those years, they are stuffed down. People, men especially, are very good at compartmentalizing things. So the years you spent together are in a little box shoved in a corner of his brain and when he sleeps, that little box opens up and memories do drift around in that mess of a brain. He'll not admit it, but he does think of you often, and just like you, he thinks the most about the situation and you at night. Why? That's when things settle down and we have nothing else to focus on and our feelings/emotions take over and we think about things other than the normal day-to-day things.
Keep the focus on you. We cannot assume what he's doing r not doing. All we can do is look to what we are doing right now.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Snodderly should I be taking the same advice even though I am already divorced. My xh rushed the divorce to because of ow at the time and plus it didnt cost him nothing but filing fee of 175.00
A, you are in my thoughts. I to often wonder how they just FORGET all those years and move on so quickly.
Hi sunshine /Renee so sorry to read about your situation- a long marriage ended and for what?I do believe that Snodderly is right- they must think about us and the mess they have created. Your ex,unlike mine,rushed divorce through because he thought that would solve his problems. The fact that he has changed partners-younger girls -shows he may be in a mid life crisis I think.Do you ever see him ? Mine is too guilty to call!I also got the ILYBINILWY I think they have a script! Take care. We can live without these confused men for now-though I still love mine.
This is taking so long!Soliciter did say 6 to 9 months.Am impatient because I need the money to buy a place to live,and because I think that it will be after all is settled that he will make contact.No contact since his e-mail in Feb which I didnt reply to. Still hurt at night and long to talk to him as a friend.But life is good on the whole;its a strange feeling -the pain is still all there but sort of overlaid by lifes events and small pleasures. All this has taught me to look at the world differently and appreciate what I have.26 months on and I couldnt have made it without this site-people need to be told over and over again yes the pain and loss and panic are dreadful but somehow you plough through. I spent the first 18 months using every tactic I could to get him back. I was so obsessed by this that I really thought I would go mad.Then, gradually, I reached some kind of acceptance and would find that longer periods were passing when I didnt think of him.Now I can let him go more although I would hate to think that we will never meet again. I still love and care for him,weak,selfish, ,confused and serially faithless though he is.
Me 45/H 47, no kids Together since 1985; M/1992 Bomb1 (EA-OW1, age 22) 2001 Bomb2 (EA/PA-OW2, age 22) 10/2007, A continues H left 11/24/08 minimal contact, no legal action http://tinyurl.com/DawnHope1
Could be my H word for word-the ambivalence-the emotional withdrawal- the rewriting of history and blaming everything/everyone but himself and finally forcing me to file (for financial reasons or I would have never done it)Hard not to feel resentment BUT I am beginning to live a happy life and with such a big issue -30 years -unresolved and being denied by him he cant face me I dont think he will ever be at peace because at heart he is not a bad person.
After 6 months silence- this e-mail. Dear Caroline,
Please don't be alarmed - this is not to circumvent your solicitor. This is an update on the house.
I'm moving back to Cinder Road in in the next few days. I can't afford to keep a flat anywhere else. Also my father is now really struggling to look after my mother so I need to be nearer to give him more help. This will also give me an opportunity to complete repairs (which I still haven't finished) and get the house in shape.
Bye the way I did ask my solicitor to word their last letter with care. It was sent without my final okay. I wish parts of it had not been so abrupt.
Christopher
So- he is moving back into our home after its been empty and unsold 2 years.Why did he e-mail me this info- he could have told his soliciter to let me know.I am not intending to respond as my feeling at the moment is that silence is golden.Great to hear from him though even in such a formal way.His pension and the eventual house sale have yet to be divided. This takes so long! I am living each day as it comes with many happy moments but I still miss him so much.
Am weakening and wondering-should I respond in a similar polite manner ? For- It would get us talking again It may ease the stress of communicating just through soliciters I can find out how he is doing I can show him that I have moved on (not completely) and am fine It seems rude to ignore him. Against-It may compromise my soliciters work Not sure if I have misread his motives-maybe he does not want to begin talking again was just stating facts I may not want to hear how happy/unhappy he is It would open up the emotional floodgates again eg if I e-mail him back I will be back to waiting anxiously for a reply. I dont want to jeapordise us having a future relationship whatever form that may take.Should I hang on until after settlement? Can feel that he is still guilty and confused.
A, It doesn't hurt to respond back with a kind note, i.e., just be careful what you put in it. No discussions about the relationship, finances, etc. Keep it very light and simple.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thought hard about it- decided no.Better to leave him to come to me if and when.Any communication now would be strained.My daughter today dropped the bomb that her 14 year marriage to a kind and loving man, whom I am very fond of, is over.He has left at her request and is broken hearted.I know that my experiences have made her cynical. There are tears on my pillow again just as I was finding peace. Such is life.
