A Little Epiphany - (and a newbie delurking)

[C-Bart]

Hi Dia.

[mac-ct]

Dia,

You're doing great.

Backing up through your posts now and I see .....

I'm with coach - but not being that drastic. Besides which, have you ever tried breaking up an iPhone

H wanting your support - asking if you see anything wrong with forms? Asking about your health? Everything seems positive for you in this "snapshot of a confused person" (don't mean you). He's dithering. Good

Dead right about not replying immediately. Gives you time to digest just what the heck he's on about as well

Drivel gladly accepted.

H missing you? Of course he is. He's just got his head stuck up his own a$$ at the moment. My W is still stuck up hers. We both have idiots on our hands

Dia - just go with what you're doing.

Catch up with you later.

Gotta do two loads of washing. Shop for the first time in 2 months! And figure out where I'm going to watch the rugby.

Ahhhh - decisions decisions

Chin up chuckie!

Mac

[givingitmyall]

Dia,

The weight loss is a good thing...to a point. As long as your'e eating healthy, I wouldn't worry about that too much right now. One of the first signs for me that I was coming out of the depressed funk (not saying you are there now) was when my appetite returned. Even when it returned, though, I, like you, only wanted healthy stuff - lots of grilled chicken, turkey, fresh vegetables, and fruit. I really feel good eating this way. But, I do crave the occasional hamburger or steak.

Fight the very strong urge to call or otherwise pursue your H. I know its hard, but you have to do it. Now, every sitch is different, but you want your H to want you. This is the way to do it.

Stay busy to try to keep your mind off your H. You can do this, and I sense you are very strong. Just know by taking these actions, you are working towards a long term goal of restoring your M. And, isn't that worth some short term struggle?

[Dia]

Thanks, Mac and GIMA,

I'm in an easier place with it today. I went to bed early and slept til 9 am - that always helps. Yesterday was the first full day home, and being alone in the parent's place is just so... quiet... and lonely. It was so great to be back with my family, all three of us together, kidlet right nearby, etc.

I have stuff to do, which keeps me distracted, and I have goals, which give me purpose. I'll get through it (though I may not like it all the time).

I am thinking good thoughts for both of you.

[Dia]

I have a really good lead on an apartment up on the coast. It's a duplex with 2 bedrooms and room for an office / art studio (I draw and paint). The rent is reasonable, there's a yard for the kidlet and the interactions with the potential landlady have been very positive. Her God-daughter lives in the other side of the duplex and all of them are artists in one way or another. The vibe so far is one of really great creative/spiritual female energy. Dare I say it? ... I almost feel like there will be healing there.

The downsides are a slightly inconvenient location, no dishwasher and street parking. Re: the location, it's pretty convenient to where I would likely be working but if I send kidlet to his former school, there will be a 15 min drive to get there, then anywhere from 15 - 45 mins to get back to where I will most likely work.

Here's the conundrum. H pays $1700 in rent, and my rent will be $1500. That's $3200 a month in friggen' rent combined. If H and I lived together and shared expenses, we'd be a heckuva lot better off financially speaking, and the financial ease would probably make us happier, more open people, too.

Should I even bring this up??

[Dia]

I should add that we are both financially pinched at the moment - not sure if that matters.

[givingitmyall]

Dia:

If I did anything, I would let him know what it will cost and not it would be cheaper if...He will make the connection.

[LuLu]

Delurking here to say, no, I don't think you should bring it up. It can definitely be seen as pursuing.

[mac-ct]

If H and I lived together and shared expenses, we'd be a heckuva lot better off financially speaking, and the financial ease would probably make us happier, more open people, too.

This pre-supposes that you're talking to someone with sense and a clear head

I agree entirely. It makes perfect sense to me and to you and to gima.

If it were that simple - how come my W doesn't see that?

Hmmmmmm

Mac

[Dia]

Thorny question.. (and geez, wouldn't it be nice to have some EASY questions to deal with?? Where's that red button from Staples?)

So I'm moving back up north to be near H, make kidlet stuff easier, etc - and the move is at H's (indirect) request. ("It would be nice to have you closer.")

H's best friend is a guy I'll call Adam. Adam's wife Amy left him around 6-7 years ago after a series of internet affairs and one night stands with bar bouncers. When Amy finally left, she went 2000 miles away, taking their baby daughter, to convert one of her IAs to a PA with a 23 yr old, bisexual,Goth, cross-dressing unemployed artist. (Thought that might provide some levity and context for some of us who are in MUCH better positions by comparison.) As you might imagine, Amy left a swath of destruction in her wake, including a severely strained friendship with me as I was advising her not to go and she left owing me money.

Amy eventually returned, geographically speaking, but she and Adam remain separated. They have not divorced because neither can afford it and remaining legally married maintains vital health coverage for their special needs daughter. Amy and H had a short but torrid affair, and it was the discovery of said affair that provoked me to actually leave.

Adam is a great guy, and I considered him and Amy to be 'both of our' friends. Adam and H are still close, playing internet games together every week and getting together for 'guy weekends' a few times a year.

Here's the conundrum: I have no issues being friends with Adam, seeing/buying bday presents for his daughter, etc, but I want nothing to do with Amy whatsoever. I don't want to see her, speak to her or even be in the same zipcode with her. Putting it mildly, I doubt I could be nice.

I do not know if Adam knows about the affair.

How do I interact with Adam? And assuming Adam picks up on my iciness toward Amy, how do I let Adam know that it has nothing to do with him? Adam and Amy do not live together, but how do I handle something like an invitation to the daughter's bday party where both would be present?

Does anyone have advice for experience with how to handle things if you end up in a social situation where the (former) OW is present? Is a knock-down, hair-pulling, eye-clawing girl-fight completely out of the question? (ok, I'm kidding on that last one... sort of. )