K4D Rising #4

[Steve McQueen]

NO MORE TALKING ABOUT W, ML ETC.

we are slipping up folks!!!!!!!!

how many pushups can you do????

[K4D]

Got it.

I am taking my initial push up test tonight. After looking at the schedule, I am going to be doing those and squats Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. That way I can stay on the weekly schedule instead of starting midweek.

Why did I not put them in C? They seemed to be doing better so I thought. But now D7 is bringing it up again and more frequently. I spoke with a C this morning who is going to put me in touch with a C that is great for these kinds of situations. It is $80 an hour. I figure I can pay half and the other parent can pay half if she goes along with it. I don't like her choice of C that she picked last time. So we will see what she says about this.

Kevin

[Steve McQueen]

They seemed to be doing better so I thought.

I taught the same thing. man i was wrong.

nothing through the church for less or free? there has to be something or someone they can refer you to.

[25yearsmlc]

You thought your d's were getting better? What can we possibly say to that? Get them enrolled in c, asap b/c now it's summertime. Does NOT Matter if YOU think "they're doing better" b/c 1) you don't know what is going on with them, as they won't and CAN'T tell YOU all their feelings; 2) they would need c in the best of circumstances as ALL kids do, and 3) nearly all judges want to see it and it'd look better for you to be the one making it happen, and finally, as for the choice of c, why didn't you like the other one? B/C they didn't address whether the divorce was right or wrong? That is not their job. The c's are there for the kids and getting them through the worst experience of THEIR lives....it is NOT their job to fix your M...

Choose a c that your kids are comfortable with. Not you, not your w,
but the kids. They're the ones who need to be helped. You can get your own c, and so can your w.

As for homeschooling, which I actually considered when we lived in Alaska, you can't figure out why that's impractical for you? ASIDE from your w wanting a divorce,...you cannot afford to homeschool. She earns more money and according to you, that is hugely important to her, and you said yourself that you don't earn enough to support your family just now. So, you are saying if only she'd quit her job, and stay home and become a teacher (without pay), then all would be well? And you don't see any other issues that could arise? Of course you can.

Why can't you tell the kids that it isn't practical EVEN IF you were together? It's not b/c of your w's choice to end the M...

The reality is that it is NOT EASY to homeschool and takes an enormous amount of patience on the parent's end AND the kids', and with two kids not the same age, or temperament, you'd be putting your wife into a sainthood category. Plus she likes her job or at least the life style it affords her. Not so fair and not so realistic or practical. So why not explain THAT to your d's? Oh and the fact that they would not see their friends? Or have a social life without a lot of extra work on your w's part b/c she'd have to take them everywhere to meet up with other kids, and their sports or art class or whatever other thing their schools offer, that they would lose with homeschooling...

Plus, for our family, even with all our schooling I'd be hiring a tutor (or 3) by the time the kids hit high school...so no, it's not the easy thing that kids think when they want "to be held more" so to speak.
Not all the problems in your kids lives are related to your w's choices or the divorce. Your kids increased needs are of course being affected by
the divorce, but they have to be addressed with c and whatever the c suggests, but Homeschooling? The desire for it may be due to the divorce but as a solution it is probably one of those things that won't fix your problems for reasons not related to the divorce. Explain that to the girls instead of sighing and lamenting, even if only to yourself. (Which I'm assuming was not shown to them, right?)

J-

PS Not having them in c at this point, after all these months, THIS is another example of what we mean when we say you don't listen or follow through or do what isn't comfortable for you. This situation is not about your comfort. This is a very good example of what we mean. I hope you wake up. Really soon.

[mulesqb]

A couple of things: Just wanted to say that I am proud of you. I just read a number of posts from you with no mention of whatshername.

Mules,

With my 12 year anniversary 2 days away, I would be lying if I said it was not on my mind as well as ML. But I am doing the best I can by trying to focus on other things.

Thanks,

Kevin

Kev - You are a human being. Of course you are going to think of that stuff. I still do also. Just remember this - she is fully detached from you right now. Ok, it sux to know that, but she is. So those things aren't on top of her mind. But know this. It gets easier. The more you work at it and the harder you try, it will get easier. You are making progress Kevin. Focus on that. Get back to the bounce in your step that you had yesterday and this morning. You know what - my next court date is two weeks before my 18 anniversary. When I was in court my STBX pretended she couldn't remember what year we were married. It hurt, but I can't control that. What I can control is letting myself get caught up in that. I left court and went to the driving range. A half hour later I was trying to figure out why the heck I hit my irons so high, rather than something that I can't control. Keep letting go of the rope. As much as you can per day. You're doing better. Stay with it.

Recognize the emotions. You're a good man. You have nice memories. Start working on making new ones.

Strength and Honor.

Mules

[davidswife]

Update us on the progress you made today, regarding getting some counseling for your girls.

[K4D]

I have a counselor that wants to talk to me about my girls. She is willing to work with me on the fee scale. So I should be going in to talk to her next week. She got back with me later after I left work. I explained my situation with my girls. She wants to help in any way she can.

Kevin

[Tomato]

Hey Kevin

fancy meeting you. Hope you are doing well and have a nice w/e planned.

Do that which brings glory to our Father.

T

[K4D]

I have to get this in.

W contacted me this afternoon. She wanted to talk about my girls not swimming everyday and their eating habits. She was upset that I had not made them swim every day. I said some days they aren't up for it and I also have a pool here that they use sometimes and I have been taking D7 on the nature trail and plan on taking D11 when she is past her time of the month. She said they need to be excercising anyways at the rec center and doing what all the other kids are doing. I didn't respond.

I said as far as eating goes, they don't eat that much. W said D7 is getting bigger and W said they need to be monitored then what they are eating at the rec center.

I said Ok. Thank you for telling me your concerns. She said ok.

Then she asked what we were up to this weekend. I explained what we are doing tonight and Sunday and I said Saturday is kind of up in the air depending on how D11 feels. W suggested I pick up some Midol for D11. So I did.

W's parents are out of town this weekend on a cruize. W is driving her moms car while W's van is in the shop for the second time. W started to tell me that she is worried about the money she may have to put into it and that she already put $400 into it and it still failed inspection. So she is waiting to hear back today. I said everything will be ok. Just pray about it. She said she is. She is just worried about it. I asked where she took the van and she said the dealership because she has a friend who got her a lower labor rate. I said good deal then.

That was pretty much the end of it. I don't know what she is worried about with as well off as she is. Maybe she doesn't want it to infringe on her lifestyle. I don't know. She hasn't been asking me for help on the health insurance that gets deducted out of her check each month. Other than that, I pay for half of the rest of the bills. I guess I consider that some form of child payment in the offsetting differences of salaries. Maybe she does to and thats why she hasn't asked for help in that area.

The deductible on that plan is nuts. Its like not even having health insurance unless you have a serious emergency like surgery or something. I think we would have been better off pocketing and saving the premiums in a separate account than paying for this plan. But she insisted, so ok.

Kevin

[ppenton]

I have a counselor that wants to talk to me about my girls. She is willing to work with me on the fee scale. So I should be going in to talk to her next week. She got back with me later after I left work. I explained my situation with my girls. She wants to help in any way she can.

Kevin

Make sure you contact her first thing Monday morning, so you can get the ball rolling quickly next week.