Cake eating WAW in MLC and EA part 2

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Nice stick-save.

[Greek]

News flash for Mrs. CABBR ~~~
while her role as SAHM is PRICELESS to her children and society, SINGLE MOTHERS WORK (mostly) and that is part of the reality she must face. Big Girl Panties. Put 'em on.

Greek

[CABBR]

Her stated objective is to not get a real job, but to continue as primary care giver.

Cabbr

Excuse me, primary caretaker is a "real job". Not to hi-jack, but please, I've raised/am raising four children, fifteen years of staying home -- it's a "real job".

Stacy

Stacy,

I had previously posted that my W worked PT as a ski instructor and used to work at one of the chain bookstores. That's more what I was referring to as not a real job.

Cabbr

[Greek]

CABBR ~
I understood what you meant. I was a SAHM for 15 years and I homeschooled, too, so I know that being home to raise children is really hard work, very valuable, and wouldn't have traded it. Perhaps what you meant by 'real job' is a real job pays money. I get that. And if Mrs. C wants to be a real single person who also has children to support, she will have to get herself one of those real paying jobs.

The women I observe who are single, stay at home moms are:

~ on welfare OR
~ took their H to the cleaners in a D b/c the H had an A (and guilt is the gift that keeps on giving) OR
~ took their H to the cleaners in a D b/c the H LET THEM (CABBR isn't going to do this) OR
~ moved in or near their parents for help OR
~ are on Real Housewives of NJ

Greek

[Greek]

And one more thing, CABBR...

don't you have plans to meet friends out for dinner and drinks tonight? I think you do.

Greek

[CABBR]

Thanks Mac-ct,

Quote:
is it just to make sure I stand up for myself and my kids to get what I want?


And your answer would be?

Absolutely yes.

But that's only half the question. The other half is what do you do with the rest of it? And the answer is you stand up and fight for yourself and your kids.

I'm hearing an awful lot of things from different people about not generating too much ill will with the person you will be co-parenting with for the rest of your life and of course minimizing the financial ruin. My W's favorite book is how to lose your spouse but not your shirt in a D. Even one of the lawyers I talked with initially was like well you might as well make it as painless as possible and face the inevitable distribution of assets, etc. and I'm thinking no, I won't hiring you. Many people are very focused on mitigating the financial aspect.

Cabbr

[mulesqb]

cabbr - New to your thread - just getting caught up. A couple of things: Keep a journal. Record every single thing she does that can be seen as neglectful or not in the best interest of the children. Especially when you are there to pick up the pieces.

Do not, and I repeat do not reveal an intentions you have legally. That is between you and your lawyer. Unfortunately your W is now the opposition. She needs to know nothing about what you are doing. When it comes to the kids and custody - shoot high. I mean full custody and make it known you are going to fight for them with money you don't have if necessary.

When it comes to interaction with her - just be relaxed and answer questions and keep it to the kids if possible. Don't ever, ever get baited by her.

Don't worry about proof of her adultery. Your journal showing her negligence is better anyway. If you have been journaling here all along - print it out and rewrite using dates. I did just that and mine was over 20 pages. When my STBX found out I did that and saw it, I'm sure it had a lot to do with her entire gameplan from that point forward. The funny thing was I believe to this day my STBX's lawyer was disgusted when she saw it and that helped me tremendously also.

Always take the high road. If not for yourself, for the kids. Greek will vouch for me - I went through some pretty incredible stuff right in front of my kids. Show them how to handle adversity. Show them what integrity is. Show them what honor is. They are your priority from here on in. Make that your mindset., It helps you drop the rope further. Every time you feel baited, repeat Strength and Honor to yourself. Your kids will never forget it.

Strength and Honor.

Mules

[Greek]

Good advice from Mules.

Cheers ~~~

[CABBR]

IWITW,

Thanks for your valuable insights.

My W has the same rosy picture for herself, wants to be an artist, go back to school, take care of our d8, take up rock climbing, diving, etc, etc.

I first thought the same way you did, but in speaking with both my L and the mediator, I have much better picture. First, she probably will think your putting obstacles in her path, but they are not obstacles from my point of view anymore. We need to do what's best for our kids and us, and that does not include her financial stability to go play, etc. outside of what our appointed financial obligations are. My L also said, judges for the most part would not go for that, where the W gets to play while the exH gets to pay for it. If she can support herself and do all those things then great! Have at it, but for her to expect you to support her financially to do so, is pure entitlement mindset on her part. My L told me most judges now a days will tell her to go get a job. (Not sure if that's truly the case, but I have to believe my L knows a bit more about this than I do..)

Same here. My W wants to be able to pursue her PT ski instructor "career" unimpeded. This was on of the things that caused me heartburn in the M. The weekends were always lost to her schedule in the Winter and I wanted us to do some things as a family. She also talks about going back to school for something completley different. In fact,is hopeful that it can cement an anchor in the ground, so that if I ever do HAVE to take a job somewhere else that I can't take the kids with me or force her to uproot. It is all about her lifstyle.

[CABBR]

cabbr - New to your thread - just getting caught up. A couple of things: Keep a journal. Record every single thing she does that can be seen as neglectful or not in the best interest of the children. Especially when you are there to pick up the pieces.

Do not, and I repeat do not reveal an intentions you have legally. That is between you and your lawyer. Unfortunately your W is now the opposition. She needs to know nothing about what you are doing. When it comes to the kids and custody - shoot high. I mean full custody and make it known you are going to fight for them with money you don't have if necessary.

When it comes to interaction with her - just be relaxed and answer questions and keep it to the kids if possible. Don't ever, ever get baited by her.

Don't worry about proof of her adultery. Your journal showing her negligence is better anyway. If you have been journaling here all along - print it out and rewrite using dates. I did just that and mine was over 20 pages. When my STBX found out I did that and saw it, I'm sure it had a lot to do with her entire gameplan from that point forward. The funny thing was I believe to this day my STBX's lawyer was disgusted when she saw it and that helped me tremendously also.

Always take the high road. If not for yourself, for the kids. Greek will vouch for me - I went through some pretty incredible stuff right in front of my kids. Show them how to handle adversity. Show them what integrity is. Show them what honor is. They are your priority from here on in. Make that your mindset., It helps you drop the rope further. Every time you feel baited, repeat Strength and Honor to yourself. Your kids will never forget it.

Strength and Honor.

Mules

Mules,

Thanks. I've actually been repeating "strength and honor" to myself a lot lately. I think I first saw it on Coach's posts. It resonates.

I have not let her bait me, but it's not as if she is trying to do that. Mostly, we don't speak once the kids go to bed. I've been sullen at times - like just around the EA detonation, but other than that I've had a very even keel with my kids and her.

As far as a journal. Oh yeah. I've got about 175 pages so far - around 50 per month since April. It's amazing how much stuff you forget.

In general, my W is a good and loving Mother, but isn't good at enforcing consequences for bad behavior. There are a few minor things in respect to the kids where her judgment could be questioned, but no smoking gun stuff by any means. About the most you could say is that my older s9 is constantly questioning where she is going and why she doesn't want to do stuff with us together.

In so far as ugliness at home or front of the kids - not happening at all.

I'm careful not to divulge much of anything on legal strategy.

Thanks again for checking in.

Cabbr