GG Nobody here would ever tell you to end your Marriage.
The majority of people have fought hard to try and save their Marriages.
But they will all tell you to roll out of bed, and start doing things for yourself.
You have to find it in yourself to rise above the pain and force yourself to function without your Husband in the picture. It is hard, but each day you will begin to feel a little better.
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
Silent, What does that mean that you let him go and you are now done? Did you file for divorce? I don't want to end the marriage, but I feel like I'm so disrespected by him as he 'slaps' the affair with his co-worker right in my face.
Me 55 H 49 Married 21 years No kids bomb 5/09 filed 7/09 divorced and moving forward 5/10
It's always hard for me to read posts from other people about what went wrong in their marriages because I just wish I had seen what needed to be done years ago in my own marriage. My h was/is not a good communicator and we just sort of went along through the years until I got the 'bomb' this past May. I try hard to listen to Snodderly's advice that this would have happened at some point in our marriage, but that often surely doesn't seem to be enough compensation for where we are right now.
Me 55 H 49 Married 21 years No kids bomb 5/09 filed 7/09 divorced and moving forward 5/10
LRT, Last Resort Technique, is when you have detatched to the point that you can close the door, without locking it, stating that you will be fine on your own. You will get to the point when you will know that you will be fine no matter what, but you are not ready to try that yet IMO. For me, it means, go, I love you, but I am done. For me, it will be the final step to D. Because if you do that, you have to be fully and freely willing to accept whatever outcome occurs.
Many of the stories on here are not of saved M. But they are of saved people. So yes they are sad sometimes and they are difficult to read, but they all contain things that we can learn from.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
How long does it take to get to the...I love you, but I am done stage? Seems like people have been on here for years before they get there. I don't know if I can wait that out. I guess everyone is different?
I just read an article about the health risks of divorce...sigh..I just loved the safety and security of marriage and I can't believe this has happened.
Just feeling sorry for myself this morning.
Me 55 H 49 Married 21 years No kids bomb 5/09 filed 7/09 divorced and moving forward 5/10
I am waiting to hear about my teaching job for this year. I had my "dream" job handed to me in May and then when the 'bomb' dropped I had to call and ask for a reassignment. I'm a special education teacher and I wanted to teach more classes, so I was given a .5 SPED and a .5 lang arts position for this year...I was so excited, however I hadn't taught reg ed lang arts ever, so it was going to take the month of June to develop curriculum, and I didn't get that. So, I had to call HR and ask for a 1.0 in SPED and I don't know if that will happen. I told hubby I might only be able to work .5 and he would have to subsidize if necessary. He couldn't understand WHY I couldn't teach??? Do they really have no clue what they have done to us...really? My brain just wasn't/isn't working to the capacity it needs to be to switch to a new curriculum area. I just sent the principal an e-mail letting her know of my sitch (not the details). I feel so humiliated...another thing he STOLE from me.
Me 55 H 49 Married 21 years No kids bomb 5/09 filed 7/09 divorced and moving forward 5/10
I read the same article this morning. Would love to print it of for H but I won't. If his health issues are not enough of a clue to him, the article will mean nothing.
How long does it take? Depends on you. Depends on H. Depends on so much. This is also a journey for you. You have things to deal with, overcome, accept. And of course, H will do things that will throw you out of your "better" place when you get there and even as you are getting there.
I've been at this for a long time. I think on Fallgirl's thread I gave her a sort of breakdown of my journey, which is not over by the way. It was either her's or Trustinginfaith's, but I believe FG. You are welcome to read it just to see that it really is a process.
In the meantime think of it like this, if H came home tomorrow and said, I was wrong, I want back in, I love you, what would be different? Would you have travelled your path enough to NOT go back to the strained communication style, would you be able to say I forgive you and myself for the problems and never bring them up again, would this be a new M or a repeat of the old? Because a repeat of the old will bring you back to this place in the long run.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
I want to make the changes in me, I already like what I'm seeing and I know this is a journey I am supposed to be on. I know my teaching job is also where I am supposed to land, I just have to let GOD help me in finding my way and allowing what is supposed to happen, happen.
I like to be in control, I like things predictable and this has shaken me to the core. My job and my marriage have both imploded on me and some days I can barely get out of bed. I try hard to breathe, do yoga, garden, walk the dogs, but I need some of my life back...
Me 55 H 49 Married 21 years No kids bomb 5/09 filed 7/09 divorced and moving forward 5/10
No at this point and maybe never they don't see what they are doing to us. You did the right thing for you in terms of the job because you would not have been able to focus well. My H wanted me to work more at the beginning of all of this. He actually asked me if I expected him to carry the whole thing. Well, I work part time and make what most make full time. I have a son who is very busy and needs me, so no I was not going to work more. Yes I told him, I expect him to do exactly what we had always been doing because I was not going to alter anything for my son simply because H wanted what he wanted. Not very good DBing, but I am not going to let him out of all of his responsibilities and that was made clear at the beginning. So, if your H has been the breadwinner, I don't see a problem keeping it that way although as you have already seen, he does.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
